Hi Haunted, I'm pleased to read that so many others have chimed in with some good advice for you. I think this all comes down to reclaiming your personal power in this situation. It reads as though you have given too much power over your life to H. But actually he is someone else's boyfriend right now - not your H - so why would he get to still be driving the bus?
I truly hope that you manage to stand up for your own and your D's best interests here and minimise further damage to yourselves. It is within your gift to do this....and good luck my friend xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Tonight was a nightmare. My husband and my mil came to my son's game. Me and my daughter were sitting down and they came and sat in front of us. Natalia was wanting something to eat, so we went and got something. Well my aunt got to the game as we were walking to the bleachers so we went to sit with her. I really don't like being around his mom. Well I think they tried getting my daughter's attention to get her over there with them. She didn't go. Right before half time, they get up to leave. They looked really mad. Me and tally went to the bathroom. His mom stopped me and said we're leaving because of how you acted. none of yall talked to us. You kept natalia from coming to see us. she acted like she was scared to. I just walked away. I saw my husband and he was pissed and said we are leaving. I didn't respond. They get to the gate, his mom starts saying your son is just as sorry as you are. He is just like you. he wouldnt even look at us. I am not sure if they were yelling for him or what but he was on the field and they can't look into the crowd. She then proceeds to call me a bitch. I said look this is not about any of us but about zach. She kept yelling stuff. I just blocked her out. She then points her finger at me like it was a gun.
We go sit back down and I get a text from her. She said don't ever talk to me again. I am sending this phone back Wed. The phones are in my name. I didn't respond. I get another text saying you will never change and no one will ever love you. ur making ur kid just like u and dont even think about keeping tally from us. It was so embarrassing. my husband didn't say anything. He just stood there and stared. This is why I don't like being around this woman. It's always drama and she tries to control everything. My husband did look absolutely miserable tonight. I don't know whats going on with him but he looks miserable.
Wow Haunted, that sounds like a nightmare. It sounds like you handled it well. You really have your hands full with that MIL...makes my annoying one look like a saint...
I say keep ignoring her as you are. She will get bored of her drama with no reaction. Stay clear of her and stay on the high road. Continue to handle yourself with class and dignity.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
I'm sorry your MIL was a PIA. Ignore her. Sooner or later when she realizes that she's not getting the reaction she wants, she'll stop this childish behavior. She's got some serious issues and you do not need to be subjected to them.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well new one today. My husband is in a confirmed relationship with another woman on facebook. Apparently they have never met and they are both saying they love each other so much. He wants to move her down here in a month or two. I am not sure what happened to the woman he was talking to the other day. Seems like he is cycling fast through women.
I can't see any of this because he is gone from my facebook but of course someone just has to tell me if i know her. She lives 2 1/2 hours from him.
I told everyone again today that I dont want to know because it hurts too bad and they need to respect that.
Sounds like a confirmed emotional relationship. If they meet, who knows...they may not like each other...but that's on them.
When your friends start to tell you this stuff, cut them off nicely, change the subject or walk away. They'll then get the message that you don't want to hear it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Someone told me earlier that they think my husband is in replay. So I have heard this is the longest of the stages just by research. Does anyone have any links to any in depth articles on the replay stage?
Hi Haunted, I am sorry to read about your MIL, that women sounds like she has serious issues herself. You did well to keep your cool.
I am not able to give you any insight into replay, I did not care what stage my h was in, it didn't matter as it takes as long as it takes; there is no set time frame for a MLC unfortunately. I got on with my life and let him get on with his. Not much use to you, I am sorry. The vets are better at answering this kind of question.
Anyway, just wanted to say, keep moving onwards, you're doing great.
Haunted, Replay can be one of the longest, but it depends upon the individual and their issues that have been haunting them for years and years. They are the only ones that can move themselves through the stages.
Replay is the "one more time" or "I have to go back and experience what I thought I was missing". It's the stage whereby they begin to dress differently, drink/eat food that they didn't before, the music taste changes, they change their looks, i.e., short hair becomes long, long hair becomes short, they may dye their hair or try different styles, body piercings, tattoos, manscaping, become interest in different sexual acivities (pegging and experimenting that could lead to different sexual partners or same sex partners), spending money, etc. Some also become workaholics or spots fanatics, exercising junkies, as well. Some may have another person in the mix and then there are those who travel the crisis w/o another woman/man. Again, it's very individualized, but w/some similarities in what they do.
The list can go on and on because each person is unique, just as their personalities are. As they go thru replay, the deep, dark depression and withdrawal begin. Keep in mind the crisis is not linear and they can bounce around from anger to withdrawal throughout the crisis. Acceptance is the only one that they will eventually settle down and begin to come out of the crisis, if they resolve their issues. If they don't, they could very well remain stuck for a long time and grow to be old, bitter people looking like teenyboppers.
I suggest you do a search on MLC and then replay and see what you come up with.
Haunted, I also want to point out that replay is the stage whereby they do everything in their power to avoid looking at their issues. This is the stage that I call "find my happiness pill".
Again, as I pointed out, this stage can be the longest or the shortest, depending upon the individual. Some have put a time on the process, but it's best to not put time limits on stages as it is only a guideline and you can't go by the time limit.
Here's a thread that I created many years ago while witnessing a man going thru MLC that was not my husband:
