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He is refusing to look at you out of guilt and shame. When he looks at you, he is reminded of what he is doing and has done. He sees the pain and questioning on your face when he does look at you. The eyes are the window to the soul.

Haunted, please read as much as you can on MLC and depression. It will help you better understand what your h is going through. Also, read the other threads and begin posting to others. When you post to others, they will begin to come around and visit w/you and offer up some really good advice/suggestions to help you.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hi Haunted, I agree with Job about doing some reading about MLC.

The more you understand what to expect the better IMHO. That way, when something does happen, instead of feeling devastated you may think 'ah yes, I've read about this and I understand to expect some anger' etc.. That's progress I think.

Remember that your H is probably going to do nothing that is good for you, or your R in the near future. This is why self-care and self-education are so important....

I agree about posting to others too....it can attract people onto your thread and that way you'll receive more rounded advice and input.

Take care, Sotto x

Last edited by Virginia; 09/05/15 01:52 PM. Reason: Reference to other sites not allowed.

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Well today is my birthday. I got my daughter back at 1200 because we had a party to go to. He refused to talk again today too saying he didn't feel good and feel like talking.
He did wish me a happy birthday and told me he hoped it was great and hugged me and kissed my cheek.
Then finished it off with He wants a divorce still because he is ready to move on with his life.

He did talk to me a little more this evening when he was at home. He said he was crazy about me and i made him happy but he got tired of the arguing but that doesn't change anything because he still wants a divorce. He's also sorry the marriage couldn't work.

I had a pretty good day today though. Off to bed. goodnight everyone.

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Hi Haunted- Happy birthday! Glad you had a good day.

Keep posting as you will receive phenomenal support and advice. I don't have a lot of advice to offer you but you will obtain some clarity about all this the more you read about MLC and depression.

My H didn't look me in the eyes for months and he has lived at home throughout his MLC. Having witnessed this whole process firsthand I can attest to the fact that there is a basic MLC script, there are huge variations to how they journey through MLC and despite the fact that they seem happy, there is a deep, deep depression at work.

Definitely read everything you can and focus on taking care of you and your daughter.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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Happy Birthday! I hope you were able to make it a good day in spite of what is happening with H.

In the beginning my H also had a hard time looking at me. When he did, his eyes were lifeless. At first I took that as him feeling nothing for me like he said, but after learning more, I realized it was the depression. My husband looks like he has aged 10 years in the last few, it has taken its toll in so many ways.

Hang in there, it's a long process that your husband must go through. A lot of what he is saying could be ramblings of emotions going through his head, as you can see he is all over the place. As you read other postings, you can see that is the norm.

Focus on you and your daughter.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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So, I've been doing some thinking and may have already mentioned this. But I think his MLC started in 2012 when he left the first time. He gave me all the classic, I love you but I am not in love with you. He hasn't been happy. He wants a divorce because that's what he wants. Basically the same things he is saying now but last time was different. He talked to me more and wasn't so cold to me like he is now. I did the begging and pleading and all that last time. We got back together a month and a half later after he left. He didn't see anyone but did talk on various dating sites.

Back then, he told me he was coming home but just give him a little bit longer.

So now I am thinking he came home too soon and never got out of the crisis which is why we are back to this today. It's harder this time. He is much different. I read up that if they come home too soon, usually within 2 years, they'll leave again. Well he was about 2 months shy of being 3 years away from the last time he left.

He told me sunday that he wants a divorce so he can move on with his life. He said he hasn't had the money to file yet but probably will have to wait until income tax time. But everyone keeps telling him that he should be able to file the paperwork online or print it off. He just keeps saying he hasn't had time to do that yet.

Thank goodness I see my therapist Wednesday lol. So much has went on since I seen her last.

Any advice would be great smile

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I would make sure that your finances are in order and he hasn't taken out any loans against the home, etc.

It sounds like he came back too soon and/or things didn't go as well as he had hoped. Sometimes they leave and then get scared that they are making a mistake and want to return home. You did nothing wrong by allowing him to return except it makes the leaving all that much harder the second time around. They have to be cold and mean towards us in order to do the things that they think they have to do, i.e., get away from us, have no feelings for us and yes, divorce us. Unfortunately, divorce will not change the way they feel and life will generally not turn out the way they think it should have.

I wouldn't do a divorce from online. I definitely would seek the advice of an attorney or even several. Keep in mind, once you've met w/the lawyers, he can't use them to represent him, even if you don't hire them. Knowledge is power and when the word "divorce" comes into play, you need to be up on your game because no matter how much they promise you that they won't screw you over, they will.

Hang in there!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks job smile I'm iff tomorrow so going to go talk to one.

He was suppose to come to my sons game but bailed on it with the excuse be was sick. Not surprised at all. First it was he was sick, then No money or gas. I hate that the kids have to deal with things like this. Which my son is his stepson but he raised him, now he just doesn't have anything to do with him.

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In the beginning, my H bailed on so many things that involved our son. I was so disappointed, our children are the innocent victims in this.

However, over time, H came back around and started making our son a priority again. In the last 6 months, I have seen true efforts to rebuild his relationship with him.

Give it some time, hopefully your husband will start to miss the children and make them a priority again.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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Hi, Haunted.

Thanks for stopping by my thread.

I would offer you some advice, but the veterans here are far wiser than I. I can offer my support. I wish you nothing but the best on your journey. You present yourself as an incredible woman and any man would be lucky to have you.

I try to tell myself that each day that goes by brings me one day closer to a resolution on the situation. This mindset is successful sometimes. Other days are harder, but we just have to keep plugging away till the next day, which may not be as hard. Find the little joys in our day to day to get us through the hard days. Kids can be a blessing here, so can your friends and family.

One bit of advice that I have offered many people, because it has helped me a lot. Think about your friends. Do you have one that you feel would support your decisions regarding your marriage no matter what? I had a conversation with one of my friends and I started it off with, "I really need someone to talk to, but it is equally important that the person I open up to support my decisions and not try to talk me around to what they think is best. Do you think you can do that?"

He agreed and his support has been a godsend for me. I'm able to call him if the urge to call W gets too strong and I am able to confide in him. He simply supports me and talks to me about what is going on in his life.

Good luck, haunted.


M: 38 W: 37
T: 20 M: 19
Kids: Stepson?20, S19, S16, D12
BD: 02/19/2015 (She moved out)
PA Confirmed: 02/22/2015 (She is now living with OM)
Dazed and confused: 09/13/2015
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