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#2601838 08/26/15 06:44 PM
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Time for a new thread on not the best day. Petition for D just filed and H notified via email. Seems so much more real and feeling horribly sad and nauseous. Very much different than yesterday. Never, ever thought I would find myself here.

Not an hour after leaving L's office, I read this on a friends FB page. Funny how timing works....

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her – her husband had cheated on her and she was devastated. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as soon as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her grandmother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The grandmother then asked the granddaughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the grandmother asked the granddaughter to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, grandmother?’

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity? Do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

May we all be like the COFFEE.


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I saw that on FB too! Good post.



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I love it, thank you for that!


M35 W33 S14 D12
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ILYBNILWY 07/14
BD 7/14
S 5/15

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
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BT -
Nobody EVER thinks they will get to this point. Nobody ever gets married thinking "my spouse is going to leave me for someone else".

I always thought that if I got divorced, I would see it coming. I would hate the other person and be glad to be done with it. She would hate me.

And yet....here I am. Still in love with a woman whose heart is closed off to me, riding the countdown clock to being officially legally divorced.

And you know what? IM BETTER FOR IT. Every other facet of my life is better because this happened. I will survive. I will persevere. And I will find someone to share that with in the future....whether its my wife or someone else.

You will too, BT. I know it.

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BT13, thanks for posting it. I enjoyed reading it.



“Character is destiny” Heraclitus
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I have to admit that every time I see the title of this thread I think of sex.



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Thanks for the supportive words, Azzork. I certainly am better for my M, both the good and the bad. Yesterday was definitely a low point, but I decided to end it on a positive note. I decided I have much control how the next 6-7 months proceeds.

I sent very heart felt note to H and told him I still love him and will always have a special place in my heart for him. I said I was sorry how things turned the past week, but that I just could not live silently with A any longer and that it was clear he had no desire to try and fix things, so I needed to move forward with or without him. I explained that hiring L was not meant to be power move and I quite frankly I don't have the energy after the last 5 months to work through a complicated D process on my own. I also said I think this leave best chance to keep amicable and move forward peacefully.
I dont. Want this to end with us hating each other.

It is now up to him on how he wants to respond and move forward. I did get response from him that just said thanks for letting me know.

I am going to turn into the best damn cope of exotic coffee there is!! I did also find out last night that I got the spot on the city committee that I interviewed for.

Last edited by BT13; 08/27/15 02:02 PM.

Me: 42 H: 40
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That is great news BT, on the city committee role.

Exotic Coffee, sounds awesome, just not Kopi Lewak coffee smile


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I heard that coffee is actually really good, though I have never tried it myself.


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BT, I'm sorry it hasn't been the best couple of days. It's great news about the committee though. What is it got and what will be your role? Sounds like a good thing to focus on.

E


M 46 / H 43
T 24/M 18
S 4
11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY
1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom
1/8/2016 H moved out

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