I am sorry to hear about your dog. My dog got hurt this week but the vet said he will make a full recovery. It amazing how deeply they find their way into your heart. Again sorry to read the news.
I am sorry to hear about your dog. My dog got hurt this week but the vet said he will make a full recovery. It amazing how deeply they find their way into your heart. Again sorry to read the news.
Thank you. It was very tough to make the decision to let her go but it was the best decision for her. We got her when we were not even a year into our marriage so it is sad for many reasons. I am glad your pup will make a full recovery!!
T: 14 M: 12 D: 9 S: 6 BD: 2/18/15 (H affair) Working on marriage: 3/12/15-6/11/15 Broken Trust (my error): 6/11/15 H ring off: 7/6/15; Comm w/ OW confirmed 7/13/15 H wants to work on fixing things: 7/21/15
Hi, my name is hopeOK & i am a glutton for punishment.
So for some strange reason I started thinking about fb & my h's page. As a refresher, he unfriended me after reading the hurtful things I said to my sister about this & he friend the OW. (He has since friended me & unfriended her.) So I thought... I wonder if he took down any of the ugly things he posted while we were not friends (things I knew were targeted at me, even though I was supposedly not seeing them... although I'm sure he knew i was.) SO I started to look back. Came to one that was a repost of a list of things that make someone happy. The last one was "hearing the smile in your voice". My thought that he wasn't meaning me... we were not talking & if we did happen to talk on the phone (rare) I was definitely not smiling & our conversations were strictly business. So I know he was meaning OW (Ok, mind reading but I'm pretty confident... he is not one to talk on the phone to lots of ppl ... not at all.) which means he was talking to her on the phone. Ok, I already know this. But it still puts me in a panic and feeling poorly. And I did it to myself by looking up his fb & scrolling through a lot to get to that point.
Another thing that is bugging me is that on his fb it says married since & then the date but it doesn't say married to me. I am pretty sure at some point it said we were married to each other. Maybe it came off when he unfriended me. Do I add him back onto mine that says, "married to" or do I just leave it? Even if it is all unintentional, it stings. Also it makes me think that he doesn't want others who happen on his page to see who he is married to... although there are pictures of us together w/ me tagged all over the place. So clearly this is irrational, right? It is like I feel a need to mark him as mine to prevent something from happening... but that would still depend on his choices... not some silly fb thing. Ugh. I can see I am being so silly but it has still caused my mood to plummet today.
Also thinking today... I really feel the need to one day ask him about what happened when we were on the outs. Why he started up talking to her (even as just friends) again, if he still communicates w/ her outside of work related stuff (this part of the conversation will definitely happen), how he communicated with her, what went on, etc. But do I really need to know all of that or is it just my attempt to feel better about all that & be reassured (even though the info may not be reassuring)? What do I REALLY need to know???
Things are going so well for us when we are together... but when we are not all these bad thoughts and feelings come up. Sometimes I can calm myself down (thinking about all the positives, thinking about how hard it would be to maintain an active affair while he is putting so much into our relationship, etc) but it gets the best of me sometimes.
T: 14 M: 12 D: 9 S: 6 BD: 2/18/15 (H affair) Working on marriage: 3/12/15-6/11/15 Broken Trust (my error): 6/11/15 H ring off: 7/6/15; Comm w/ OW confirmed 7/13/15 H wants to work on fixing things: 7/21/15
You're overthinking the FB stuff way too much. People like and share things on it all the time and don't even give it a second thought. Maybe he did feel that way when he shared it, maybe he just liked what it said and it meant nothing to him. I don't go back and delete things I've shared because its just not on my mind later. I obsessed over things like that also before I removed W from FB and I realized she just clicked and shared chit all the time. Yes, many things were how she left but not all. Trying to figure it out only makes you go crazy.
Choice is to either obsess over everything he likes and shares and make yourself insane or just let it go.
When you unfriend someone tags are removed for everything I think, even pictures.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Yes, Fogg, I know you are right. I need to not put any weight into that... it was then, & this is now. He might have been thinking of her, but might not. And if he was... again, that was then. He probably wouldn't go back & delete stuff, I'm sure. And yes, it made me go crazy then & I consciously looked it back up to make myself go crazy again. That must be the definition of insanity!! But I am going to not do that again.
Yeah, I'm sure you are right about the tagging & that is why I am no longer listed as the one he is married to. Ugh. I hate fb a lot of the time!
T: 14 M: 12 D: 9 S: 6 BD: 2/18/15 (H affair) Working on marriage: 3/12/15-6/11/15 Broken Trust (my error): 6/11/15 H ring off: 7/6/15; Comm w/ OW confirmed 7/13/15 H wants to work on fixing things: 7/21/15
We had a really good evening last night. There was some slight shift in H yesterday that I first noticed with his texts. He had put a smiley face on several texts... and they were not joking texts in which he might usually put a smiley face.
So I said, "You are all about the smiley faces today! :)"
He said, ":) :)"
I said, "Happy today?"
He said, "I'm excited for our trip and to go see a movie next week. Is that ok?"
I said, "Yes, more than ok. I am glad to know that."
Then last night he brought it up again & said that we were going to have a lot of fun on our trip & he was looking forward to it. Then he said, too bad you're not going to have any fun. (This is typical H... I think this is his insecurity & how he tries to get reassurance?) I said I was looking forward to it too & that he should not be so negative with his predictions.
In addition to that, he seemed extra caring, attentive, and affectionate all evening. We played a little video game together (I've stopped saying no when he asks me... I kinda suck at it but after reading His Needs, Her Needs I see that recreational activities are important to a lot of men & this is something he enjoys doing. So I've been making the effort to get better at it & I don't turn him down anymore. I think this has been something he has noticed.). After dinner he came and sat by me on the porch swing w/o being on his phone. And just his overall mood was very caring and sweet. Not sure what the switch was from... but it was nice.
And yet... still one quick thought popped up- maybe something good happened to him today in regards to the OW... maybe that is why he is in such a good mood. I had to try to reassure myself that if that was the case, he wouldn't be putting so much effort into our relationship... he wouldn't be so loving and he wouldn't want extra time with me. I also think back to the affair & try to remember if there was times where he was extra nice & I don't recall any. I do recall him coming home from work & ripping into me about something I'd done or not done. (It seems like during the affair we got along less ... I guess b/c he was keeping resentments active as justification for what he was doing... I dunno.) So anyway, letting myself believe he wants a happy, healthy marriage with me.
T: 14 M: 12 D: 9 S: 6 BD: 2/18/15 (H affair) Working on marriage: 3/12/15-6/11/15 Broken Trust (my error): 6/11/15 H ring off: 7/6/15; Comm w/ OW confirmed 7/13/15 H wants to work on fixing things: 7/21/15
Hi there again, I was able to read up on your sitch, hopeOK. I too sometimes thought and sometimes still think negatively- why is he being good to me? what's the catch? did things go sour with his "friend"? Our MC told me to stop and think more positively- probably the MC is working; maybe i've changed for the better; he realizes and appreciates what he's got now. She said whenever I get negative feelings to stop and be thankful that he didn't really leave, he is choosing to fix the marriage, etc. Think more positive thoughts and move forward.
Kippz... yeah, I think you are right & that should be the focus. There is a lot of good going on for us & he is really making an effort. We are happy when we are together. I need to focus on that. It is almost like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop! But what kind of life is that to always question the good? I do need to work on this.
T: 14 M: 12 D: 9 S: 6 BD: 2/18/15 (H affair) Working on marriage: 3/12/15-6/11/15 Broken Trust (my error): 6/11/15 H ring off: 7/6/15; Comm w/ OW confirmed 7/13/15 H wants to work on fixing things: 7/21/15
When we were on the outs, he resumed his friendship w/ the OW. He also called someone that he admitted to flirting with in the past. Not sure what else he did, I wasn't able to snoop as well as he changed all his passwords & I couldn't access the phone account. I know he rationalized all he did and felt like I had hurt him so why should he care about hurting me. I understand why he did what he did but it still hurt.
I have this big desire to know all that went on in that 6 week or so period when we were doing very poorly. I have not asked or brought it up other than a few times when we were on the outs I accused him of doing a few things that I really didn't have much proof on. So that caused us to go further apart & him more mad at me.
I've been thinking a lot about this... and how important is it for me to know what he did? Should I ever ask? Should I let it go knowing this was a bad time for us & he did things b/c he was so angry with me? Or should I ask so I'll know & won't have anything come bite me later on. Or should I ask so I don't think the worst?
Or should I not ask & just stick with setting the boundaries of no outside relationships (which means no friendship w/ OW)?
T: 14 M: 12 D: 9 S: 6 BD: 2/18/15 (H affair) Working on marriage: 3/12/15-6/11/15 Broken Trust (my error): 6/11/15 H ring off: 7/6/15; Comm w/ OW confirmed 7/13/15 H wants to work on fixing things: 7/21/15
If I told you he flirted with a few women but nothing further- would that be OK? If I told you he kissed a few women but nothing further - would that be OK? If I told you he slept with one woman - would that be OK? If I told you he slept with several women - would that be OK?
I guess, my point is - is there something that he could have done in that time that would change how you act now? Or is it just a need to feel in control of the situation?
:)"