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Originally Posted By: EricT
I knew something was going on with her. When she is home, she just sits on the couch and looks at her phone. Obviously typing on it all the time. Now I know she was sitting there texting OM.
She says there has been nothing physical. I can't believe her because she insisted there was no one else. Well...this no one else is buying jewelry and saying love tom. This no one else has over 10,000 texts sent and received in two months. All hours of the day, everyday. When she is at work, with kids, shopping, driving to work. It is literally constant texts.
TheI really are pics and vids sent too. I saw some of them were at 4pm on days she is in bathroom getting ready for work. So, I believe at least some are sexting.
She is trying to tell me they are friends. Lol. She will not admit to doing anything wrong.
I was not nice. Her denying the facts and not admitting this was inappropriate just made me more mad.

Of course she's going to admit anything. Why would she?you know what you know. Does the rest really make much difference?

Originally Posted By: EricT

We are headed for divorce. She is out of the house at her moms.
I did not want this for her, my kids, or me. She obviously wants out and wouldn't work on anything, talk to me, look at me, touch me, etc for last 5 weeks. But, she will text om every minute 24/7.

Yes, if you keep down this road, you are headed for divorce. But there are plenty of cases of people in just your situation that have reconciled with their spouse to form lasting marriages. So, the choice on how to proceed going forward is yours. Time to set some goals and see what you're made of.

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EricT Offline OP
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Azzork, I have no idea how to keep this together!!! She doesn't want me. She has OM. She is separated now.
Do I go dark? I won't be texting or calling her. I will stay busy with the kids.
The strangest thing happened thus am. W texted me "is it OK if I come get the kids today?". Wow, that sentence hurts. Is it ok? I said of course.
I told her I was going riding with son at local Mx track this am.
She then asked if she could come get d:13. I said she is awake. Get a hold of her.
I was short and cold I guess. Or should I be warm and fuzzy? I just don't know what to do. I don't want a divorce. But, she does.

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Do I tell her - I don't want a divorce? Do I just be a friend and wait for her affair to end?
I know I am to GAL. I am supposed to act confident, like nothing is bothering me, like I moved on. Easier said than done when you feel lost, scared, truly sad, angry (about situation and om). Everything feels so negative.
The only time I feel good is when I am busy with my kids. Even then I have moments of sadness because I think about the future without my W, without seeing my kids daily, worry about financials, who is getting house, etc.
I was getting stronger and feeling more hopeful, then I found that jewelry envelope and the love note. Which led me to going through phone logs and finding OM.
Intel some say...breaking the 37 rules along the way.
I need help!!!
Please advise.

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Originally Posted By: EricT
Azzork, I have no idea how to keep this together!!! She doesn't want me. She has OM. She is separated now.

Yep. You're right. Typical affairs last 6-9 months. So buckle up.

Originally Posted By: EricT
Do I go dark? I won't be texting or calling her. I will stay busy with the kids.

Yes and no. There's only so dark you can go. No matter what, you still have to co-parent. She could be sleeping with 10 OM right now, but she is still the mother of your children. Are you going to not allow her in to parent teacher conferences? Are you not going to talk with her if S needs braces? So you don't have to be friends, but should be friendly. Like a business associate. Or a friendly neighbor.

Originally Posted By: EricT
The strangest thing happened thus am. W texted me "is it OK if I come get the kids today?". Wow, that sentence hurts. Is it ok? I said of course.
I told her I was going riding with son at local Mx track this am.
She then asked if she could come get d:13. I said she is awake. Get a hold of her.
I was short and cold I guess. Or should I be warm and fuzzy?

You need to figure out a schedule. You're going to plan things based on whether or not you have the kids. You need to make sure you have the same expectations.

Originally Posted By: EricT
I just don't know what to do. I don't want a divorce. But, she does.

Yep. So start back over with the homework. Detach, GAL,180s, etc.

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Cadet, can you start a new thread for Eric please with a link. I think there are several of us who would like to post support.

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Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
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Today she texted me and told me I need to go to Verizon and sign off on a new phone account. She got herself her own account. She also asked me if I can afford our house by myself. She wants me to keep the house. I am in favor of keeping the house for stability of my kids. It is a great neighborhood and we have lived here for 8 years. The kids want to stay in the house as well.
She is on the fast track to divorce. She said we will split custody 50/50, no child supoort, no lawyers, split assets. My mom thinks I should get this done while she is agreeable.
I found out she has contacted lawyers when I saw the phone log. My brother and BFF were both taken to the cleaners and fought and fought with lawyers.
I don't want a divorce. But, she does. It takes two to marry and only one to divorce, unfortunately.
Any advice is appreciated. I feel like if I don't let her have what she wants, I will be made to suffer more.

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As a side note, both my brother and BFF had initial agreements of split custody, no child support, splitting assets 50/50. In both of their cases, when they moved on and started dating, they were both taken back to court. My brother came out better than my bff. My brother retained split custody, but had to start paying a minimal amount of child support.
My bff went from 50/50 custody to only getting his kids every other weekend. He now also has to pay a significant amount of child support.
See my concern?

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Eric,

Please start a new thread. You now have 107 postings/replies.


New thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2600993#Post2600993

Last edited by Cadet; 08/24/15 11:36 AM. Reason: Link

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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