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You ok?

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Di-mond Offline OP
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I'm still around! I've been feeling quite lethargic as of late and whenever I do have some energy I work on the house. My H is gone, moved in with his mom 3 hours away from here. We actually had an MC session the day he moved. I was quite agitated and we had some not so nice words to say to each other, but still left on good terms. We both needed to hear each others realities that led to the demise of our marriage.

So here we are 3 weeks after he moved. He has been back in my town three times since to teach for a day. He stayed over night once. I was invited for dinner by his mom last Sunday and stayed overnight. We text a couple of times a day and usually talk once a day. Often I'm conflicted. I'm his wife and as of right now I'm kind of his girlfriend and that is just not good enough for me. On the other hand I really don't want to live with him right now and am not sure if I ever will again. For the most part I STFU and just live in the moment. I do what I have to do and go where I have to go. I tell him nothing about what is going on with me unless he asks and I don't initiate texts or calls. I was the initiator of most of our communication throughout our marriage. I heard often enough from him how that agitated and irritated him, so now I just don't. At first it was pretty hard, but now I really don't think about it. Sometimes I wonder if now I'm becoming the WAS.

V,
My diagnosis for Scleroderma is deep localized morphea with a large patch of skin hardening running from mid stomach to my right flank up to my ribs. I also have joint issues(hands, feet and elbows),rheumatoid arthritis, asthma, allergies, IBS, sjorgen's disease and elevated liver enzymes. Most of my "symptoms" are related to my over active/compromised immune system.
Yes stress is a huge instigator in flare ups for Scleroderma patients. I'm sure my failing marriage, crappy job and overly demanding children didn't help my situation. In a strange way I'm somewhat grateful that the stress in my life over the past few years aggravated my illness into a major flare in 2013. For years I had "issues" and whenever I asked or talked about them to my doctor or family members I was dismissed as a complainer and hypochondriac. Finally in Nov. 2013 I got a confirmed diagnosis after x-Ray, ultra-sound, MRI, CT Scan and then a biopsy. As frightened as I was at first, I finally had validation that I wasn't making any of this up. Since I have been on sick leave, started to eat healthier and taking supplements/vitamins, I feel much better. I took conventional medication (steroids/planquanil/chemo) for 7 months until my liver decided to boycott. For now the progression of my illness seems to have stopped. It is a learning curve for me as to how to feel better overall. Less stress, less clutter, less worrying are part of my health plan. 😄


Di-mond in the rough
M-45 H-38
My children S-25 D-23
T 5 M 4
H left April Fools Day 2015

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Diana

Thank you for posting on my thread, it's good to see your update.

I know things are physically rather tough for you sometimes. Diagnosis is an important step to recovery and it's important in knowing the extent of the issues.

It is likely the stress is easing off, quite a bit and this may ease the symptom, sjorgens is very difficult as a diagnosis. I have a friend who has mild version as she is very meticulous on her diet. She juices with cabbage to keep this under control as the body needs a great deal of micronutrients to combat this.

I am a type 2 diabetic and the stress of WH is sending me to type 1 which I really don't want. So of course I empathise enormously with your health concerns. It will get better as you cleanse and clear from your home. You have come a long way already in recognising the main issue and lightening your load. I shall encourage you all I can to keep going as your 180 is working for you.

I would like very much to hear that your burdens are lighter, that you are no longer carrying other people's responsibilities, your own are heavy enough for one lifetime.

If you would like to be truly inspired Dawns threads are excellent and she has cleanse and cleared, her WH like mine was a little bit of a hoarder. I know that' slightly different although her WH just left his stuff behind and moved on. I put my WH into storage!

Dawn posts on my thread so if you highlight her name next to the post you will see all posts and then you can select all topics. They are listed by date order of thread. I am sure you know this already!

Time to cleanse, clear and keep decluttering.

Every pound of clutter cleared is a pound off your load, a little less stress in your life.

So Diana, how much is left to go?

How many of the animals have you successfully rehomed!

How many and which of the burdens have you put down?

Even if I can't come to Canada to lift and carry, I am with you giving you all my strength and projecting it as much as I can.

Peace and calm
V


Last edited by Vanilla; 08/23/15 07:54 PM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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I am putting together a post on WH, although I am sure that many of the posters here can comment better than I, since I have gone NC with my WH!

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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I am reflecting on healing at the moment, healing from the body back to the mind. I am starting with micronutrient swamping and as I did, I thought of you and how damaging to the physiology stress is.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Diana,

Just wanted to pop in and catch up on your sitch since you posted on my thread. I still don't really think I have any earth-shattering advice like many of the other wonderful vets around here, but what I can tell you that I have learned in all of this process (and it is a lengthy one for sure) is to take care of me and focus on me. I'm not really good at that, as most people aren't, but I'm getting better.

For me, the best part has been getting rid of memories that will continue to bring the XH to mind. For me, personally, I'm very visual, so just seeing things can bring on the tears and I just don't need that in my daily life, so I have gotten rid of many things that he picked out or things that he preferred that I didn't. Like I said, it is a process.

Good luck to you, Diana! I will check in again. Hang in there. It does get better. smile


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Di-mond Offline OP
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Feeling down today. I actually just wished that my H would just come home already and we could get back to "normal" life. But what the heck is normal life?? Him being miserable, me being miserable? I don't want that for myself or him.
I do think he has been cake eating for the past 4 months. He is absolutely not willing to make any compromises to heal our marriage. It is his way, or no way. Why in the world would I want to be with someone so selfish. Yet I still love him. I still get upset when he says he will call and then he doesn't.

I want to go dark. Not talk to him at all. He has moved away and we really have no reason to communicate at all until one of us files for divorce. I want to not care at all anymore. I have so many things on the go. Getting the house ready, finances, doctors, disability companies, kids, cats, dog. Yes V - I'm still helping my brother with his dogs. Altough, my daughter now switches off with me every other day. My H distracts me and makes me feel like crap. Even the few times he has been up here he makes me uncomfortable now. I really don't know why.

Had a read through the pursuit and distancing thread earlier. We (H and I) seem to fit the profiles to a T. I have been the pursuer and he has been the distanced. I guess I need to change those dynamics. I also need to have another good read through the detaching thread. As it stand right now, I do not contact him ever, because when I have before he would not answer or text back. He texts me and calls usually once a day. Today I really don't want to talk to him. I think if he calls I will let it go to voicemail. Maybe it's the weather that is making me feel so blah today, but nothing good will come out of talking to him today. We were supposed to celebrate our anniversary next month. The way I feel today I really don't think we have anything to celebrate. It's still a ways off, but as of right now I am not making any plans to go down there to see him.

On a bright note, the National Scleroderma conference is being held a couple of hours drive from my location. Ironically in the town my H now works. They are offering some interesting seminars about alternative treatments. Depending on the house going-ons and finances I think I would like to check it out.

I did manage to do some weeding and clearing out today and swept the drive-way(got a blister for my troubles) Took 10 bags of clothing to a youth shelter yesterday and 2 bags of linens to my friends house. Tonight I want to take down both TV's and put them in the take-with-me pile in the basement. Need a ladder to unhook one from the wall mount. Clean the TV cabinet and the dining room table and chairs. That's enough for today.

Posting here and venting is so therapeutic. I really need to do it more often. I feel better now. 😃


Di-mond in the rough
M-45 H-38
My children S-25 D-23
T 5 M 4
H left April Fools Day 2015

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Posts: 374
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Thanks V for stopping by. To tell you the truth I think my major flare up was all due to stress. The stress of a miserable marriage, the stress of finances, the stress of a crappy job, the stress of kids not wanting to grow up. My goal for my future is less stress period in all aspects of my life. Funny thing is that my animals, although at times annoying and frustrating, help me to de-stress the most. I know I still have to pare down my herd to be able to move into an apartment, but I will try to keep as many as possible. I love my fur babies and they love me!!

Dawn,

Thanks as well for stopping by on my thread. I hope that someday (soon) I will be as far along as you. Regardless if my M survives or not I need to take care of me. Selling this house, as much as it [censored], will be therpeutic. I will be able to have a fresh start somewhere else, without constant reminders of my H or of my X-common-law-H. It will be my space and my space alone. Something I have never had in my life. I think when the hard work is done and I can have a breather I will look forward to decorating and living in my own four walls.


Di-mond in the rough
M-45 H-38
My children S-25 D-23
T 5 M 4
H left April Fools Day 2015

One day at a time!
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 29
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Gosh, your first paragraph could have been written by me. I just want him to quickly come to his senses, and resume "normal". But I know that's not gonna happen, and our most recent normal obviously wasn't that great.

What makes it "piecing"? I'm new here, and still getting used to the concepts…


M: 48
H: 44
M: 2 / T: 7
My kids: S22, S18, S17, D12
H no kids of his own
BD: 7/12/2015 / moved out same day
Piecing 9/6/2015
Moved back in 10/2015
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Hi Missmeg,

Piecing is supposed to mean that you are working on reconciling.
My H has told me that he does not want to divorce me and that he wants us to get back together. We did go to Marriage counselling and individual counselling earlier this summer. He now has moved 3 hours away from me, something he planned immediately after our BD. I still hoped he would change his mind. Running away didn't help him with his problems and feelings of unhappiness. In fact I think he is now worse off than before. He lives with his mom, works part-time as a night security guard, misses work already and he has only been there for less than a month, has no car (uses his moms or rides his motorcycle) and his music school business is now almost non existent. His path, not mine. I listen, but just don't care anymore. In other word I really don't see us piecing anything right now. I live my life and do the things I have to do and he does what he thinks he has to do. I guess with the option of being together again someday.

I see from your signature that you and your H also don't have children together.
Makes things somewhat final when you have no real ties to each other.
My H never wanted any children and my kids were already adults when we met. Did you find that there were "issues" with the kids in their teens and your H. A lot of our problems stemmed from him not liking my parenting style. He wanted me to kick out the kids ASAP, something I just could not do. One is out of the house now (S24) and my daughter should be able to spread her wings to independent living shortly as well.

One day at a time! That is my mantra. Things can change so quickly, sometimes for the worse and sometimes for the better. Changes happen, regardless if we want them or not. I think it's horses*** when people say "This is the way I am. You can't change me! I can't change!". We all change all the time. The person I was just at he beginning of this year is not the same person I am today. Some changes are natural and some by choice.

Alright, enough about change. Time to get changed into my grubby clothes to do some work around the house. Hahahaha!

Missmeg, I wish you well today. Keep your head up high and know that there are many of us that know exactly how you are feeling.


Di-mond in the rough
M-45 H-38
My children S-25 D-23
T 5 M 4
H left April Fools Day 2015

One day at a time!
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