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Joined: Aug 2015
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Irish M Offline OP
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M 46 w 38
1st BD june 1st 2015
We are married 4 years and been together a total of 17
2 D's 13 and 15 ( they just celebrated birthdays)

1st BD - Wife tells us all that she is tired of being a mom, wife etc.. needs to find herself. Feels she has missed out on life.

leaves then comes back the next night and says whe wants to try to fix this. she acted irrationally.

the following 3 weeks she starts jogging, listening to new music. Created a new facebook page for her new online friends. During this time she tells the girls that she wants lipo suction and tummy tuck to erase what they did to her body.

She neglects the girls to the point when i have to step in and tell her to talk to them. She said they are upset and will get ovber it. we are fine.She is loving to me.holds my hand , kisses and i love you's and intimate in bed.

she scheduals an appointment at the back and the end of june so i can finance her lipo suction. I refuse.

BD#2 via text message. she says this is not working out she wants to seperate.

July 2015 was rough. i moved to the couch for the first week but that was no good for her. she started saying i was getting in the way of her life. only issue i had was her texting all the time and disappearing in the room with the door locked from 8pm to morning.
Drinking when she never drank except wine at special occasions. Now shes in the bar several nights a week. Putting explicit picture of herself looking for attention.

she had no interaction with the girls.

we go to mediation. she cant even look at me at this point. she has a new hair style. 2nd in a month. New clothes.

her old facebook she deleted me and anyone associated with me .

Her sister called me to tell me that my W's mom went through the same thing at her age. Trashed the family and became the cold woman she is today. I do not want to be married to my W/s mom.

Her mom reached out to me and told me to let her D go. She needs this. My W's mother sets her up with an apartment. Move out day is August 2.

During the last 2 weeks of July and the week she moves, she spends 10 - 30min with the girls every 2nd day. She snaps at them, irritated by them. They come crying to me, Don't want to see her anymore.

i reach out to a therapist to work with my W and my D's to help rebuild the relationship. after 2 sessions that fails. W has no interest in doing this. She claims they are children. Its none of their business her life.

me i am the blame for all this by the way.

Since she has her apartment, she texts the girls every 3 - 4 day . Hi love you. and that's it.
no how are you, miss you, come over. etc
She missed both of their birthdays.

2 weeks ago she had a weeks vacation. I asked her to ask the D's to do something. . she tells me shes busy.

the girls did go by the apartment out of curiosity. She kicked them out after 10 min. Girls asked her if she had a hickey on her neck. She said its none of their goddamn business. Screaming at them. Drove them back to my house and told them several times to shut the F up, punching the steering wheel. this was the last time they say their mother.

i have since gone no contact. Except to tell her the girls have no intentions of seeing her while she is going through all of this.

She wants a divorce ASAP. i am filling because i want full custody of the girls.

Now a little step back to our relationship before all of this.
No arguing.. no fights except minor discussions on money. she has always changed jobs.. no making much but like to spend. so i controlled the finances. it can be handled differently i know that.

we were as intimate now as we were 17 years ago. 3-4 times a week.
massages, spa days, getaways no kids.
also we were the active family that went and traveled everywhere together. laughed and liked all the same things. perfect couple right. ??? i guess not.

Her father 4 month ago was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Then her mom. ( they are divorced due to her moms MLC way back when my with was 10) Told my W that her father during her MLC because abusive with her. That crushed my W and wanted nothing to do with her father. I beilive all this plus the stress of her new job made her start her MLC. If that is what this is.

my reason for coming here... HELP.
is this a depression.
Disconnecting from our D's is that normal. She was the mother of the year before.

During all this i've avoided her games.She tried several times to push my buttons when she was still in the house to get me arrested. I am naturally calm and i think before i act so she failed.

her eyes are different and has a tense expression on her face at all times when she is with us.

i have so many question.. i'll stop here and wait for some of your knowledge..


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Joined: Nov 2009
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Welcome to the board

Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.

The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy (DR) book by MWD
http://www.mcssl.com/store/mwdtc2014/
http://divorcebusting.com/sample_book_chapters.htm

You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts
(for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support).
Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active,
and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down.
Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come!
Most important - POST!

Get out and Get a Life (GAL).

DETACH.


Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.

Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:

I would start with Sandi's Rules
A list of dos and don'ts for the LBS (left behind spouse)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553072#Post2553072

Going Dark
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post5095

Detachment thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538414#Post2538414

Validation Cheat Sheet: Techniques and tips on how to validate (showing your walk away spouse (WAS) that you recognize and accept his or her opinions as valid, even if you do not agree with them)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457566#Post2457566

Boundaries Cheat Sheet
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2536096#Post2536096

Abbreviations
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553153#Post2553153

For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife by sandi2
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2545554#Post2545554

Resource thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...224#Post2578224

Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1

Validation
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=191764#Post191764

Pursuit and Distance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483574#Post2483574

The Lighthouse Story
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2484619#Post2484619

Your H or W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.
USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon


Me-70, D37,S36
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Hi. I have no idea what to say. Just to let you know your posts are being read

Your doing a great job Ds your Ds abd I'm so sorry they have to go through this


Take care. Rd

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I'm sure others will jump in with more. Keep posting.

My only advice right now is to stop trying to control her relationship with your kids. Unfortunately, you can't make her spend time with them.

Start by reading the homework. All of it. And post!

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Irish M Offline OP
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1- is this mid life or bi polar?

2- i'm sure when she wakes up from la la land she will regret all the pain she has inflicted on us?

we are thinking either possessed by a demon or maybe some type of body snatcher alien abduction.

3- She keeps herself very busy. Is this to avoid thinking about it?

4- is this normal behavior from a mother?. especially one that was so close to her D's


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
Likes: 78
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Originally Posted By: Irish M
1- is this mid life or bi polar?

Is this new behavior or has she always.been this way?


Me-70, D37,S36
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All new behaviour

Totally different from what we know of her.
My D's even say it's not mom.

Just saw a new picture of her. Changed hair style again.

Also I messaged her last Thursday night. Told her I got the D's home safe from camping. No contact from her
Then a text message came in Friday. She'll let me know about the house next week if I can buy her portion from her.
She's been saying that for 3 weeks..


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
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I hate to say it, but it sounds like she's suffering from a midlife crisis. Did anything happen 18-24 months prior to the bomb drop or odd behavior beginning?

BTW, depression is the main ingredient of MLC. You might want to read up on depression and how it affects women as well as reading up on MLC.

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Is there a history of mental illness in the family? If I'm reading correctly she started all of this behavior after the diagnosis of her father?


M:32,H 32
T:10, M5
BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger
H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15
Served D Papers: 10/15
Divorced: 11/15
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Yes . Her mother suffered a crisis when she was 38. Broke her family up and affected my wife's relationship with her mom .

Only now they are close. Her mother even told me she got her daughter back

She doesn't want to help her . Now my family is being torn apart
Well W is gone


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
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