Another corker from last night: "Life is much better now I:m living alone as I got sick of your constant checking up on me."
So yet again it's my fault that I:m checking up on him? I:m so glad this is out of my life.
I got so much monster last night and the overall feelingthat came out of it is that he feels completely entitled to his girlfriend.
After 5 years of this I am still incredulous at the things he says.
Sorry for venting....
Married Dec. 1997 EA discovered April 2011 H lived at home until August 10th 2015 Separated August 10th 2015 kids aged 8. 14 and 15 I think we're done.
Hey Joss. Never apologize for venting. This is your safe place to do that. We all understand.
And to answer your question, no, he doesn't see how insulting his statement was.
In crisis, it is all about them..much like a teenager. In his mind, it is all your fault and you are the cause of his unhappiness. You see, if it's not you, then, it's him and they cant handle the idea of that.
It is not until or unless he looks inside that he realizes that's where the problem lies. That's hard work so it is easier to blame you.
May I ask how you handled his spew? It is best to validate when you can and leave the rest alone. The more you respond, the angrier he will get.
I handled his spew in completely the wrong way. I KNOW what i need to do but I just had to get it out last night. I was already on edge as we were about to tell the kids we were seperating - that's why he came over.
I threw it all at him. It's quite strange but I noticed that every single thing he said to me last night was patronising. I had nver realised that before.
Another thing he said "I never wanted to leave you and the children." (he;s been with OW for 5 years now). Said with a completely straight face.
Thanks H. Thanks for the truly magnificent honor of being 2nd in your life.
I find it incredulous that he can't see how insulting this is!!!
Married Dec. 1997 EA discovered April 2011 H lived at home until August 10th 2015 Separated August 10th 2015 kids aged 8. 14 and 15 I think we're done.
Another thing he said "I never wanted to leave you and the children." (he;s been with OW for 5 years now). Said with a completely straight face. shocked
But he was telling the truth! He just wanted to have his cake and eat it too! How dare you mess up his idyllic life? LOL
BTW - the response? "Well, I never wanted to share my husband with another woman for five years either."
Yes kml He certainly got that response in no uncertain terms. I wish I'd stayed calm so he could actually hear what I was saying, but hey ho..... I did what I could in the highly stressed state I was in. We were just about to tell the kids that we were separating. But somehow that got put on hold again until tomorrow. This is exhausting.....
Married Dec. 1997 EA discovered April 2011 H lived at home until August 10th 2015 Separated August 10th 2015 kids aged 8. 14 and 15 I think we're done.
Just going over a few things in my head: H is having an afair with a married woman with 4 children.She is highly educated, just like him. They have both worked together for about 10 years, having an affair for 5 or those. She is married to a man who H works with! They 'seem' like a lovely family and are very active on facebook, regularly showing smily, happy family pics. She is definately not 'affair down' material.
This is what makes me think this may not be MLC. H has all the typical signs of MLC, like wanting to escape, depression and emptiness, yet he still seems caring, in that he wants me to succeed in my business and has supported me financially really well and I believe he will continue to do so, despite facing another round of redundancy at work.
He has told me many times that she is not 'the one', meaning they don't connect in the areas H is interested in, like music, film, etc., only in work related stuff so I think he is using this affair as an exit affair - ie. a way to leave our marriage. I don' think it bodes well for a happy ending!
Does anyone else have this experience with their MLCers?
Married Dec. 1997 EA discovered April 2011 H lived at home until August 10th 2015 Separated August 10th 2015 kids aged 8. 14 and 15 I think we're done.
Maybe this is why he proclaimed the other day that he has never wanted to leave me and the children. I had an email last night stating that he will continue to support us financially "until the bitter end" and maybe in order to enable him to stay, he needs a 'support'.
Is this MLC? I'm not so sure.....
Married Dec. 1997 EA discovered April 2011 H lived at home until August 10th 2015 Separated August 10th 2015 kids aged 8. 14 and 15 I think we're done.
Hi Joss. First of all, for me, telling my son was the hardest part in all of this. It's a day I will never forget.
I just want to tell you this; please make it a point to tell your h to honor an agreement not to badmouth each other when you are telling them. It is very important. You want them to have a relationship with their dad. It's your job not to bring harm to it. That is not to say you should lie, but, this is between you and your h and they don't need to know all the details.
Having said that, whatever happens regarding their relationship as a natural consequence of his decisions you have no control over. But their relationship is theirs to forge.
I know that people hope it is a MLC as they see a possible end to it. It's really important not to look at it in those terms because whether he is in crisis or not, it doesn't change what you need to do.
I want you to know there is always hope as long as you believe there is.
When I was going through this I felt this way; I wanted to be able to tell my son yes if he asked (and he did) whether I did everything I could to save my marriage. I wanted to be able to look back and see that I acted with honor, dignity and courage.
As far as the affair, remember this. She isn't the mother of his children. She doesn't share the memories of a relationship and a family.
Their relationship is built on lies and deceit. It is a house of cards they will tumble one day.
What matters is you. What matters is that you love enough to want to try to save your marriage. What matters is that you want the best for your family. Those are what are important...and she is not.
Here's the truth of it. He is unhappy. He needs to look inward to figure out why. He is on a journey he was meant to go on and he is the only one who could walk it.
You asked if there were other MLCers who acted as he is. Yes, there are. There is no one size fits all.
He seems to feel guilty some.
Though I know it's hard, but, the sooner you stop trying to figure out what things mean, the better off you will be.
Take this amazing opportunity to figure out you. Become who you were meant to be. Leave them to their ridiculousness.
Thanks uRworthy. Kind words. Calmly said. Perfect. x
Married Dec. 1997 EA discovered April 2011 H lived at home until August 10th 2015 Separated August 10th 2015 kids aged 8. 14 and 15 I think we're done.
