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Hello jim0987. Still listening. You seem to be still struggling much, on year into it. It is no surprise, as one year is not that look to absorb that big a change. We need to be patient with ourselves. I'm not saying anything you haven't heard a million times around her.

Dropping the kids is always a bit difficult, but I've learnt to appreciate my lazy side and how I can sleep in, cook and clean less, etc. when they are not around. Not my #1 choice in life, but still, I might as well look at the good side of things.

I find it interesting that you identify a generic value in being in a couple and I can relate to it. I also notice that you still praise WW's many qualities. I've to say that mine has gradually come down the pedestal I had for her. She's become more of a normal person in my mind, less of the ultimate woman that every man desires. I sometimes think of how difficult she was with me, of her bad habits, shortcomings, etc. It seems a good sign that I can see her more objectively, regardless of the future.


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
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Dawn, thank you for the prayer, its nice to receive and its good to read about the happiness you're finding.

Sotto, as usual you're right it's not nice to receive but she had warned me and there were no unpleasant surprises. She is asking me to pay half the fees and I've discussed with my L whether it woukd be reasonable to say no, she should pay them all.

RD, actually I'm getting better picturing myself happy. I've just got to keep working on me and squash some of the negative inner monologue. The kids are so important to me and my gratitude that they are who they are and my wish to be the best I can for them has been the biggest single factor in any maturity I've shown in all this.

Mozza, thanks - I also keep up on your thread just haven't had much I can add. I'm definitely appreciating the freedom to just be, leave the washing up or go out without having to check its ok, so I can see the positives.

It's strange I can still see all the positives in my XW, but can increasingly see the negatives as well, so I have a more rounded impression. I do sometimes wonder if my issue is not so much we separated but that she ended it and moved on so easily. Then I tell myself it doesn't matter I just need to learn what I can and live a better life in the future.

As a related aside, today I provided my lawyer with a response to the grounds cited. I tried to avoid making a scorecard but it was a little 'yes but...'

It was quite carthatic and made me realise how little my XW appreciated my circumstances or has reflected on her own conduct. Even if it goes nowhere I felt better for it.

Anyway thank you all for posting


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
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Hi Jim. Glad it made you feel better and it's another step in the process.

Your kids are very lucky and whomever is next in your life will also be lucky

Take care mate. Rd

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Hi Jim How's things mate ? What's happening In the world of Jim ?
Hope you and kids are good

Take care. Rd

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Jim, I'm glad RD posted because I was thinking of you last night & meant to do the same thing! Let us know how you are doing my friend. I miss you smile


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BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Big hugs

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Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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You ok?

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Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Morning all. Thanks for checking in on me.

Sorry I haven't posted on your threads. I've been so busy with work this feels like my first spare minute.

Work is going mostly good though, a few issues but when isn't there?

The divorce is progressing and I'm having a bit of a disagreement about why I have to pay her costs. I'm regretting not filing on the basis of her adultery as although I justified not filing in reality I think I was trying to be 'nice' and its now biting me back.

Communication with XW is purely functional and a little fraught as we are slightly divergent on a few childcare things. I asked for separate appoints with our Daughters teacher conference as I really couldn't be bothered to try and coordinate with my XW and I don't want all the time taken up with my XWs questions.

And of course OM1 is ever present.

It does make me reflect that maybe I'm doing more to perpetuate the friction than I felt I was, so maybe I need to dwell on that. I also suspect that I feel there is friction more than she does.

I was thinking I might write to XW to ask more directly what we can do to make coparenting easier. I expect I would get either ignored or a list of my faults, but knowing there are issues and not talking about them led to my current circumstances.

I was chatting to someone yesterday who was very much of the view that my XW and I would reconcile but that if it didn't happen it was because fate meant me to meet someone else. She had a very positive outlook and I liked it, even if I don't agree with it.

I'm not even slightly religious but I do like that peacefulness that comes with just trusting something good will come.

In the shorter term I'm going to trust in an English victories tonight and all the the way through to the final.

Have a good weekend


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Jim, you are a good man and I have all the faith in the world that something good will come for you. I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers and Molly sends wags, as always.

Take care and hang in there. You deserve goodness and happiness and you will get it. smile


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
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Hello my friend - good to hear from you. Sounds like you have been mega busy lately. Hope you still found some time for a little GAL. Yes, I'm with you on the sense of peace - that things will work out well whichever way. I do think many people lay good foundations on this forum and that's the main thing. I also think we have to take the 'long view' in any decisions we make. I want to know that 2,3,5 years down the line I look back and was happy with my part at this point.

Sorry things are a little fraught with your W. We've refused to pay H's legal costs. I imagine you could do the same - but your L will advise I'm sure. H told me his L quoted up to £66k for her to provide input on a contested D. She is a London L - but gosh!!

As for the coparenting. Will it help to write a letter? I think a letter almost always never helps. Because the fact of writing a letter just adds to the fraughtness. IDK - has it ever helped when you have written a letter before?? If you can discuss, that would be best - but I would keep it topic based and not try and deal with the overall coparenting situation. Eg: parents evening is coming up. I plan to go from 6-7 and I'm going to make the appts. Do you want to join me or see teachers separately? Just so you know what you're doing.

Also bear in mind that things are probably going to be a little tense for a little while yet, but should settle down in time. As for optimistic friend....I like her! Who knows what will happen Jim?? I'll tell you what though - OM may be trying to be super-step-dad just now - but he can only keep that up for so long before the cracks start to show. I have never been sorry to be a step parent - but boy I found it tough sometimes!!

Glad to hear you're doing okay anyway. Take care xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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