Hi Jim. Glad you got to take D to school and both you and W made it a family thing for her
To me , of course you W was awkward , herself and her husband that she left , took their baby to her first day of school This must be hard for her on so many levels ( please don't forget I'm a fully paid up member of the Jim team )
Firstly , she has demonised you in her mind so she doesn't want to be around you
Secondly She will always be thinking about what she's done and even if she's quite sure her decision was the right one , today was a stark reminder that life going forward will be full of days like this and maybe not the paradise that she dreams of
Thirdly Jim is not the abuser that W portrays and I have no doubt your being a great dad is clear to see , even for W
Jim. I could go on but I think you get my drift
It's more than a shame Jim , it's a bloody nightmare and incredibly sad. I feel for you today and I hope the little one has a fantastic day.
Next R you will have your R tool belt on and ready for action.
Glad that you and W were able to be with your D together on her first day at school. Even if things were a little quiet, you were both there for her and that's great.
Now then, with OM, can I pick up on this whole 'come for a drink' thing? I get that you want to accept he will be around your kids just now, and you want a good situation for them. But do you really want to go out for a drink with this guy? I can't imagine ever wanting to go out for a drink with OW, so I'm struggling to wrap my head around it.
What does it actually do for you? I'm not trying to sound challenging (as you know I have all the time in the world for lovely Jim). But I just wonder where you are going with this desire to link some more with OM? From my perspective, things can be fine for the kids as long as you are civil to OM when you see him....but I'm getting this sense of - is Jim keen to show something to OM?
Anyway...enough of boring OM, who's R with your W is likely to be doomed anyway. What of you? Are you up to some nice things this week my friend??
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Ive mentioned it once to XW and once directly to OM1. My intention is that I will never mention it again.
I don't want to be friends with OM1 or with my XW, but at the same time I have to work with her as a coparent and I have to accept he is a massive part of my kids (and therefore my) life. He's not a really bad guy but equally I know very little about someone my kids spend near 50% of their time with.
So really I just want to be open to accepting him as not doing so only hurts me and as far as possible I want to minimise the friction between us as that has to be better for the kids.
Hopefully that makes more sense.
GAL, well I had a pretty solid last 10 days or so but its then a little light on the GAL front coming up. Very few invites come my way so I have to I initiate plans generally, and that takes work (and involves a lot of what feels like rejection). To be honest I have way too much work to do for much GAL anyway.
But kids tonight, sport tomorrow, out with friends Friday then kids Saturday into Sunday. So some good plans.
Last edited by jim0987; 09/09/1509:32 AM.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Sounds like you have good plans in place to stay occupied the next few days. Good for you! Keep hanging in there and it WILL get better. (((Jim)))
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Hi Jim. Just a few thoughts , I get where your coming from re OM and I while I agree with finding out what sort of a bloke he is I'm not sure what you will learn going for a drink and I think it would be incredibly awkward. Not sure what to suggest otherwise either !
I'm no expert on any of this so its just my thoughts but it's a minefield for you with the ages your children are All You can do is what you are doing and being a great dad.
On the GAL , is there something your into ? Not extreme sports like Sotto but more mundane things like stock car racing or paragliding !!
I'd love to try Gan's schedule. That's one well travelled lady.
OK so to put this drink with OM thing to bed. It was never a social thing for me it was always a functional thing. The gesture is more important than the actuality, I want to defuse things before there is an issue.
In reality I didn't/don't expect him to take me up on it and even if he did he certainly wouldn't admit the things i really want to know about him (like does he have a criminal record).
By making the offer and making sure he knows I've made the offer, I've extended a small olive branch that says from the outset I'm prepared to work with him for as long as he is in my kids life and does them no harm. That's my interpretation anyway.
He will never replace me as 'daddy' and so I have no reason to feel threatened by him, and therefore no reason to be difficult or cold toward him.
Don't get me wrong I have no wish to be mates with him and the moment he is out of my kids life he can rot in a hole for all I care but until that point comes, I will be courteous and accepting because anything else does me and my kids no good in the long run.
And having just typed all of that I nowI realise an element of it was a bit primeval alpha posturing. Hmmmm.......
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
