RD Movin on 9

[PigPen]

That's a powerful post Pink, thank you for that. Truly one written from the pain of personal experience.

PP

[rd500]

Hi Pink great post and I'm very grateful for your taking time to help me

I really get the detachment part. Since EXW left I have detached completely. I have not called or texted her in 11 months I do answered calls and texted and I do act as a friendly neighbour. We do have R talks but only about why she left and we talk about the kids. I have asked EXW not to text me re her sadness and I have told her I'm not her friend

I have got on with my life and dress much smarter , spends huge time with my kids , and do all the housework , cooking etc. we go out a lot more and have become a close knit unit.

EXW is now on anti Ds and seems to be happier but is still living in a one bedroom flat with very little money.

I don't hang around when she's in the house and only really see her on a sat and Sunday. I'm not always here when she is.

I'm not sure what I can do differently as it seems EXW still cares for me , has nothing bad to say about me and takes her responsibility in the M breakdown
She is obviously very unhappy with her life and although she has come forward a few times he has not said anything about reconciling.

I think she is accepting her new life and just feel out of love. As we all know you can't make someone love you

I have read others posts and I am guilty of no longer improving I could be a lot fitter and while I'm not unfit I could improve my stamina Also I'm not concentrating on my business as I should. It's do ok but it not exactly cash rich and I tend to spend all I have

Goals are something I will think on

Thanks for posting Pink. You are missed and it would be great to read an update

Take care. Hugs and kisses , Rd

[Sotto]

Hi RD, hope you had a good weekend my friend, and that was a powerful post from PINK. I think it's a case for us all that we try and detach, and we think we are - then we're not. And that pushes us on a little further, and we have to go through a whole lot of stuff until we truly detach. It's very much a journey. I'm more detached than I was - but events like this week (hearing news about H) make me realise I have much further to go.

You say that you are guilty of no longer improving....is this something you want to think about at all? Are you happy with where RD is at now? (regardless of your W and your M).

I personally think you have come a long way and you have really been a rock for your family and given them a lot of love and stability during a difficult time. However, what I don't think you have really explored is 'single RD.' What does he like to do for fun? Who does he hang out with? What makes him happy?

I know you are primarily a family man and of course that's where your main focus is. But I would also love to see occasions where RD 'cuts loose' and mixes things up a little. Does something new and maybe has a little 'edge.' I hope you don't mind me saying - as you know I'm very fond of you.....but that's just my thought...

Anyway - feel free to ignore me lovely RD....and hope you're enjoying your evening xx

[rd500]

Hi Sotto. Always glad to hear from you. As always you are right. I'm stuck at the moment and not sure what single Rd can do. I get up about 7 I then get the breakfast things ready for kids , I then sort the dogs out and clean up the breakfast things. If the day is fine I put the washing out and then I make sure the cats are out. My current car is only a four seater do I ha e to drop S16 and D14 to one school then D11 to another. I then drive home to collect S20 to head to work. I finish work around 6.30pm and sort dinner ( if EXW wasn't home , she is 3 days a week ). Clean up after dinner Sort washing and then clean a room in the house I normally at a game with the kids and then get their lunches ready for the morning then I get Rd read for bed !!!!

I know how lucky I am to have the kids , animals and house but it doesn't leave much time for partying !!!

I might look at online dating but again time would be tight.

I have started to cook since EXW left so I might look into a class along those lines ( not Sotto giant pizza or how to make a space rocket from cheese type GAL )

Lost is a word I would use , I am sort of hanging on for EXW while not expecting any change and still adapting to my new life I would like an R with EXW but realistically it's not on the cards for the foreseeable future. Maybe one day but who knows.

Thanks for posting Sotto. Take care. Rd. xx

[Avanti]

Rd, with the kids at the ages they are and the bond they have with you, have you considered giving them some more independence and have them do some of the work you've outlined above?

It strikes me that you are using the task you feel you have to do, to fill in time so you can't do some of the things you need to do for your GAL.

Look inside and ask yourself whether you are expanding the work to fill the time provided? If you are, chat with your kids and ask them for what solutions they can think of, so that they give you more time. They'll feel great because they are helping you and you will feel great because you are GAL, that's a win-win I think? When you do spend more time with GAL activities your attitude toward your business will lift too, there will be more money, you'll feel less stressed and your life will feel better, so will your kids and you'll do more GAL activities...do you see the upward, positive spiral that's within your reach to create?

On another tack, I am truly gobsmacked by Pink's recent post, that's one to print out and hang on the wall it's so powerful!!,

[rd500]

Hi Beagley. Thanks for your post. You are right re the kids and they do help but I could get them to help more. Again I don't want to sound ungrateful for what I have so I hope I don't.

Pink is a very good friend and a more compassionate and passionate person you will not meet. She has posted lots of very inspiring posts to myself and others and that one was proberbly the second best one ever. Pink posted one a few months back about self worth and it was incredible. I know we have to be anonymous on here but I have 3 or 4 people on here that I will have to meet in the real world Pink is 100% one of those people and i feel a little in love with her !!!!!

It's fantastic that people can spare the time to be so supportive and over such an extended period.

I have had some very sad / down moments but I have my 3/4 supporters who always post even if it's just hello , it makes a huge difference

Thanks again Beagley I wlll step out of the comfort zone and try something new

Take care , Rd

[SunnyB]

I have had some very sad / down moments but I have my 3/4 supporters who always post even if it's just hello , it makes a huge difference

Hello. RD, I really don't know what to say, you are in a holding pattern, and that's fine. I did that for a long time, too, before finally pushing to proceed with D. It's an OK place to be, it gives us time to collect ourselves and think through things. When you are ready to move, you'll move.

[Avanti]

... I don't want to sound ungrateful for what I have so I hope I don't. ...

You never sound ungrateful rd.

We are all here to help one another and like you we all appreciate that the more you give, the more you gain.

[rd500]

Hi Sunny. Thanks for posting. I am holding but truthfully I think it's more from disbelief or shock more than anything. I still struggle to understand how it came to this. We may not have been a perfect family but we got on with life and had fun. I know it's sounds silly but our house was full of laughter and love.

The love and laughter are still there just tinged with sadness. I'm not distraught like I was and I'm grateful for all I have , it just seems like our word has been turned upside down and not even EXW is happy. While I know she could be lying about being sad , she has just been diagnosed as depressed which would make you believe the sadness part

All I can do is to carry on and see what life brings me next.


Take care. Rd. xx

[jim0987]

Hi RD.

I hope you know im a big supporter of you and so you read this in the spirit its meant but get yourself a cup of tea, because this is a tea moment (preferably with some chocolate hobnobs)

What do YOU want RD?

Take away the restrictions, the ifs, buts and maybes and just think about what you want but purely from a RD centric point if view....

I ask because I'm not sure you know, and that is absolutely fine. But what you want is something that you should probably give some thought to.

We have to ask ourselves whether a course of action is moving us closer or farther from our goal(s). Sometimes they keep us at exactly the same distance but without knowing what our goals are we can't tell.

Our goals can be vague and intangible, like something as simply as 'I want to be happy' for some people its more existential like'I want to serve god' or it might be more specific like 'I want to make perfect hollandaise sauce' (I think Sotto's might be that she wants to be a medieval knight )

It doesn't really matter what they are, but we need to have goals and plural covering different aspects of our life, they guide us and help give what we do meaning.

What they can't be is goals for another person. That's control. We each have to set our own goals and for us alone.

So what are your goals RD?

I would like to suggest one for you though and that is to forgive, and I mean completely forgive, your EXW for everything she has done and all the hurt she has caused you and your family. To recignise that evetything she has done has hurt her just as much and becaysr she didnt know and different. After all we only really learn when someone shows us how.

If you can do that I think you will be in a much better place. It may not lead to reconciliation and you may decide that's not what you want anyway but I suspect it will help you in the long run.

Beyond that is up to you, but it best include some RD focused GAL or when I'm accross in Dublin I'll have to stage an intervention.

Take care RD and hope you take this with positive intent its meant.