Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 2 1 2
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 273
S
skhdive Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 273
Yep I know sometimes you just need to read the words that you provided me with.

I see you are proceeding with D. Hope it is going well.

my problem is I want to move on I have even found someone who I enjoy talking to and I know is very interested in me. My problem is I can't go forward there until I am sure my M is dead in the water. I would like to say yeah I am done and over it but it would be a lie because if there is the smallest chance then I want it. I think the reason I have lately been scrutinizing H is to see if there is any hope.

the only thing I see is that he is making the separation more formal by instead of coming and spending time at our house he is asking to pick up S and take him away and bringing him back. He has stopped helping around the house. I do get text messages from re our S and if he can or cannot pick him up.

So maybe that is my proof that it is dead and gone even if he hasn't actually filed for the D. Thoughts?


Skhdivers
M 20 years
S 1/28/15
Me 49 h 45
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 273
S
skhdive Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 273
My problem is I can't go forward there until I am sure my M is dead in the water. I would like to say yeah I am done and over it but it would be a lie because if there is the smallest chance then I want it. I think the reason I have lately been scrutinizing H is to see if there is any hope.

Any advise on what to do?


Skhdivers
M 20 years
S 1/28/15
Me 49 h 45
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 273
S
skhdive Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 273
Just an update on my situ - H text yesterday (day before my birthday) nice - and wanted to know how we were going to split things up and now wants 50/50 shared care of our S who he has been absent from for the last 8 months for the most part.

It upset me greatly. With H's anger that he has and is nonexistence I do not want him to have 50%. I told him no way would I agree to that and he proceeded to get very angry. I suspect that he has calculated child support because he made a point to say I would still pay some child support with shared care.

To prove my point yesterday he was to pick S up from school and have him from 3:00 until 5:30 instead he dropped him at the house and left at 3:10 to go work a side job. If he is so concerned about spending time with his S wouldn't he stay and watch him like he is suppose to?

Advice? He wants me to file he said.


Skhdivers
M 20 years
S 1/28/15
Me 49 h 45
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 412
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 412
SKH - I struggled with the same thing if you go back and read my sitch. We ended up working out a 60/40 school year split but to make it 50/50 he has to figure out where to make up the extra overnights (probably won't happen) I was afraid it was because of child support to so now I am definitely going after spousal support to make up the difference. I know how extremely frustrated you are. Big hugs!


Me:33 H:36
T:13 years
M:10 years
S4
Separated 05/15
H Filed 06/15
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 273
S
skhdive Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 273
Thanks. I am doing better then I thought. It feels like the end of the line and time for me to get off crazy train.

He is so adamant about D now it has to be done like yesterday. IDK why the rush all of a sudden but I am taking my time.

At this point it all seems hopeless and there would be so much work to build my trust in him with all the lies that he has told IDK if it would even be possible. H would have to switch back somewhat to the person he was and from what I can tell around here that could be up to 7 years. We are probably all said and done 2 years into, 1 year from which it all crumbled apart.

Do people ever recover to the point that they want to come back and if they do, I have read they are different people. I can say if H stays the way he is now there is no change as he lies every time I turn around and at this point what is the point in lying? There is nothing I can do about it or judge him about? It seems so pointless. Sorry for the rant just getting it out.


Skhdivers
M 20 years
S 1/28/15
Me 49 h 45
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 273
S
skhdive Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 273
So the papers have been filed. He asked for primary even though he walked out 8 months ago. It didn't upset me too much because I know there is no way he will get primary. In his emotional state he shouldn't have shared either and my S doesn't want that so we are trying to work it out but I am not sure we can if he doesn't budge.

I have tried to give him a lot of different options of ways for him to see S without changing S's life and moving him back and forth every other day or every 3 to 4 days.

H hasn't been a part of our daily lives for the 8 months and even before that he would leave S alone for 3-5 hours while he went to the gym or "elsewhere".

I try not to be bitter and I still am trying to accommodate what H asks for. I find to be pleasant better then being angry because at the end of the day I have to live with myself. So vindictive behavior no, still trying to apply DB rules through divorce after all he is my S's dad at the end.


Skhdivers
M 20 years
S 1/28/15
Me 49 h 45
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 701
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 701
I know how hard it is for filing day. I broke down in tears that day. Was certainly one of the low points. Try to keep as positive as possible and treat yourself good. My H seemed to get worse after filing, so I hope that is not the case for you.nif he does, do everything you can to ignore any tantrums.


Me: 42 H: 40
M: 12
H moved out - 8/2015
I filed - 8/2015
Page 2 of 2 1 2

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard