Arrival to NC.

[RysinMn]

Hello everyone,
Today marks my 1 week integration into my cross country move. Now I am just waiting on my housing items to arrive. It's a very strange thing to be alone, and so far away from what I had known forvso long. But at the same time a liberating feeling. Since my departure from Hawaii W has been extra chatty. Most of her chit chat is about me and how it is here. I have been responding but I am beginning to think I need to limit all the talk. I just think it's hard, I want to be friendly but I am not her friend. It's a fine line. Today she thanked me for being so understanding and nice through this entire process. I said "it's cool, and I thank you for your support and offered assistance through this process as well." Do you think that was a bad response or right on point. Other than that things are good. I am going to promotion school in two months. Very exciting news I must say. Let me know what you all think about me continuing to respond to her little talk. I mean nothing is about feeling or anything, it seems like friend lvl chit chat. And honestly it doesn't bother me but I know I am not her friend. It's kinda back and forth for me lol. Thanks again everyone.

[mvgfwd2]

I think it's really odd that after she serves the D papers she continues the contact. I guess if I were served papers for a D I would think of it as if she was saying "Good riddance, I'm done with you".

[Sotto]

Hi Rysin, interesting that she has become more chatty. It may be that with all pressure off and you out of the area, she is coming forward a little. I guess it is up to you with the contact. If you are keen to build a new life, fully detach and not be drawn back towards her, you may want to limit it. Otherwise, maybe stay in touch but be relatively cool about it. As you say - somewhat friendly - but not a friend. Presumably she is still with OM is she?

I'm glad to hear things are going well for you and that you feel liberated. Enjoy your new environment and all it has to offer. :-)

[RysinMn]

Sotto, yes she is still with OM. But continues to text me. Today she said, she hopes I have a great weekend and then proceeds to ask is I have plans. I said "yup, I'm going to Charlotte, and I hope ya'll have a exciting weekend too." That's it. I don't know what to think of it. I'm not looking into it but it's still baffling.

[Sotto]

Hi Rysin - my guess is that she wants to keep a connecting thread there. I think it's up to you whether that's what you want, given she's with OM and you're moving forward with your own life.

I would say as a minimum, only offer back 75% of what she gives you, and keep the responses on a DB basis like yours above. Also, if it starts messing with your detachment, review whether it's what you want perhaps?

Above all, I would give it very little headspace and really move forward with GAL and new plans in your new location.

Best of luck Rysin xx

[RysinMn]

Sotto, thank you. At this moment I am in a heated situation, within myself that is. I just found out the W told her mom that our sitch. Got to this point because I slept with another woman. THIS is 100% not true. I Want To Call Her Out On THIS So badly. What do you guys think. I mean how can she try and be friendly yet trash my name to her family. Knowing how close we all are. I came here because I am heated and I don't want to do the wrong thing. Thanks for the advice

[Sotto]

Hi Rysin - ouch! Can I ask how you found out please? I personally would call her on that one - along the lies of....

I have heard that your M believes our M ended because I was unfaithful. I do hope you haven't lied to your family about this. That would be disrespectful and inappropriate. If you have, please know that I won't lie to them about why our M has ended, so I suggest you set the record straight.

I think this doesn't say you will tell them - but that you may....but do let vets chime in first..

Are you sure this is what she has actually told them though if you are hearing it third hand? In my H's case - he 'assumed' his parents 'knew' he had an A and he didn't tell them at first. It was only once I told him he needed to be honest about what had happened (they were being very cool with me) that he did (as far as I know anyway!) tell them.

[RysinMn]

W's brother told me. He said their mom said I had cheated and slept with another woman. And he tried to tell her it was a lie but she said, W was certain that I had slept with abother woman and that is why she had the affair. Right now I'm like WTF.I would never do that and it is completely insulting to me, what she has been spreading, although her dad and brother know the truth she has spread these lies to the rest of the family.

[Sotto]

Well, I think if most of her family already know the truth, I would probably leave it. I would bet that her Mum does not want to think that her D was the one to bring about the end of her M upon herself through her infidelity.

Your W may not even have lied about it - but equally from your sitch you have said before that your W believed you may have been unfaithful even though you weren't. The thing is, I think it is difficult to tell your parents - I had an affair.

My guess is that her husband and S will call W's mother out on it, even if you do nothing. If you have already had that convo with W's brother, he'll know from your reaction that you are pretty upset about it.

I put out a bat call to Sandi on newcomers...maybe she'll stop by too. Don't do anything just yet while you are upset....

[Clairee]

If she won't listen to her son & husband, she isn't going to listen to you. She's bought into whatever your W is selling. Tough call. Does her gossiping have any real impact on you? I mean, if you were D already, would it matter? Or would it just be spiteful gossip to people who aren't apart of your life? Personally, if I was holding on to a R with my H, I would set the record straight as best I could. If R wasn't a possibility, I'd shake it off & only speak to it if directly asked/accused. That's just me.