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I don't want to shame or punish in any way. But I will have to be firm in my statements. I don't know when it will be coming but it sounds like it could be tomorrow.? Could be 2 months? It is going on in her head and it's a matter of it getting to a point that she wants to talk.

I am actually with that same friend this evening and I was told that XF sounded sincere and actually broke down while talking. The way the friend saw it is she is struggling but that didn't seem like the only reason for the change in mindset? It is thought that she said that because she's not at the point yet to admit she made a bad choice.

The will tell and I will just keep doing what I'm doing and GALing. Try to validate and STFU. See where it ends up?


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


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So had an awesome night with S4 last night. Went with friends to some truck pulls. Our buddy we helped brought it home 3rd.

Today me an S4 are at a petting zoo/animal park. He is loving it!

Just checking in quick while waiting for food


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


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Sounds great. Amazing how our kids can turn things around just by being them. I try to tell them this often. Enjoy the animals together.


Me: 50 W:43
S6, S3
M: 12 yrs. T: 17
M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14
S 5 Feb '15
D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry")
DB Coach May '15
Wants proceed on D Aug '15
Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
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Uphill Offline OP
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We had a great time today! I must admit it was rough at times... Looking around at all the families. All the kids enjoying both their moms and dads at the same time. I actually caught myself looking around at times for any single parents who had their children by themselves so I felt like I wasn't alone?!?!

I didn't let it ruin my day but I do have to detach more. Not let things like that bother me so much. I don't always want to be thinking she should be there. I know she should be but I can't let it get in the way of fun with S4...

Tomorrow is another day!


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


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Uphill Offline OP
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So, I have been really thinking about yesterday's "possibilities" and wondering exactly how to handle them if they do come to life?

Would the best way to handle that be to... Wait for that day, validate and tell her I need some time to digest what she just said. Then come here and devise a plan?

Or should I have that plan in place ahead of time so I can tell her what I need in return right up front?


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


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Im worried you're losing focus, UH. I'd stop paying so much headspace to what ifs and maybes and focus a lot more on the things you can control. Her runabout could be tomorrow, next week, next month or never. I wouldn't plan anything, because I'm thinking that plan will change over time.

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Uphill Offline OP
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I'm not trying to look too much into it, just trying to have a plan for if it were to happen. I actually just spoke to her and kept it short and sweet. No talk other than child care arrangements for the week. Ended call first and went back to what I was doing.

I just don't want to be blindsided with having a heads up. I feel like if this would come, and I play it right... It may shift the tide?


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
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Oh and I'll also add, the only reason for child care talk is because my work schedule for this week is a little funky. Our normal routine wouldn't work. I sent her a text this morning just to make her aware of the changes. She replied "oh ok" and I left it at that until she called.


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,016
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Uphill Offline OP
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So, I'm out of town for work and it feels kinda nice... Last time I did this it was much closer to BD and I was very stressed constantly about being away...


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


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If this is not legally her home, I don't know how she can be so brazen as to just march up to the door and walk in and start unpacking her things. You deserve enough consideration to be asked if you want her back again. Man, talk about no remorse! And you are crazy if you let her come with that type of attitude.

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I honestly think if it was not for S4 I would let her fall right on her face. Then after she sees how bad that is let her start proving herself.


Actually, the WW has to fall on her face, otherwise, she doesn't learn anything from her experience, and simply uses you as her Plan B.....until she has OM2.

I know you want her back for S4's sake, but please believe me, taking her back without her even asking and apologizing for what she's done to you is a very bad idea.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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