Thanks for checking in. Yes, I did read DR and I am reading up new comer's forums for very useful and encouraging insight. I am really glad I found here.
So this morning, he came home 15 min before I & D3 leave for work and preschool.Though he didn't say hi or didn't even look at me, I just carried on with upbeat mood getting kids ready. When we were leaving, he said he will take S1 for his hair cut on Thursday, which I asked him to before DB. So I said "ok, great" friendly.
Then he grabbed me and tried to kiss me. Like a real kiss, not just a peck. I fought back. I said I have to go. He really tried and I fought back again, like we were wrestling each other for a minute. After all, he is a man and I can not push his forth back completely, so our lips met briefly but I did not kiss him back. I said " I'll see you later ok" and we left.
What was that all about??? He stays out all night every day (though I don't know if he stays at OW every day, looks like OW has a roommate) and he thinks he can come home and just kiss me like that? I would have given in before (when we had fights or something), but I am not going to.
Then you should tell him "Considering everything that's going on right now, that was highly inappropriate and NOT welcomed by me" (or something similar).
Even if you do it later, I think that's better addressed than just ignored.
Thank you Starsky, for your input. You think it's ok to tell him tomorrow? I probably won't see him until tomorrow morning and I don't really want to text him that.
Oh and looks like he is going to the wedding. I saw his pants came back from the dry cleaner. I don't know if we are going together though. Is it ok to go with him if he wants to? (We will have to share a room but I will not ML of course) I think it will be great for kids for all of us to be together and do fun stuff ( we were planning to go to a big aquarium, have nice brunch etc other than the wedding itself)
D3 started asking questions where Papa is when she wakes up and he is not home in the morning. What should I say? Should I say anything to H about that? If so, how can I say it without being accusatory?
I know... too many questions. I will appreciate any thoughts, thank you.
At this point how much physical contact do you want without a STD test on H?
Maybe work on your boundaries and find the right time to lay them out for H. And remember boundaries are nothing without action after they are crossed. Know what action you will take and do it. No telling H what you will do, just do it. Action is much more powerful than words.
Someone on here set the house alarm so it would go off when his W came home late. Kind of ended treated the house like a hotel.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
Hi Anna, interesting that your H tried to kiss you. And I'm glad you had the reaction you did. Shows some healthy self-respect. You're lucky to have Starsky posting advice. He is one of the vets around here and his words are wisdom indeed.
After BD, my H told me he still had feelings for me. Still wanted to hold my hand and be romantic with me. I told him I had no intention of having any sort of R with him while he was involved with someone else. His OW was at the centre of a horrible web of infidelity. I told him that I didn't want to be part of that web; that wasn't how I wanted my life to be. He seemed to respect that and backed off - however, he has just filed for D and that may not be the outcome you want!!
I think you're doing well for such early days. And it does sound as though your H may be getting a touch antsy. Settle yourself in for the long haul as there aren't normally any quick fixes here. Are you managing to make any GAL plans for yourself yet, and do you have a lovely wedding guest outfit? (I hope so!)
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I don't want any physical contact until he ends his A. As much as I just want to forget everything and be in his arms and cry, I know that's the last thing I should do.
I was thinking about "no contact in front of us/in our family house with OA" boundaries because I feel very disrespected when he does that around me or kids. But how can I enforce that without being controlling? Any suggestions?
