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I agree with the above comment, and I would also stop cooking for him. Let the OW do it, he fired you as his wife, so would you cook for your boss who fired you?

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Anna25 Offline OP
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mvgfwd2, Rouky,

You are right, I wouldn't invite my babysitter. I will go by myself and enjoy yummy BBQ with coworkers.

As for cooking, you don't think it will be too rude not to offer if H is there? I cook for my kids and myself, not especially for him.
I'm a little confused about "neighboury" attitude. I should be polite and not ignore him but not too overly friendly is what I understand...

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Here's my take on cooking: If you cook a nice dinner for yourself and kids and he's there, I would think it's a good thing if he chooses to eat with you. He sounds like he is torn on how to proceed and what he wants, and you're letting him figure it out for himself, BUT showing him what you and family life has to offer. Him eating with you and your kids is a normal family activity that is bound to keep at the front of his mind what he will be missing out on. He goes to OW with a reminder of you still fresh in his mind and belly.

The way to a man's heart goes through the stomach, they say - that's very true for my H, he puts a lot (much more than I could ever imagine) of meaning into whether I cook dinner for him or not.


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
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Anna25 Offline OP
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Hi Painter,

Thank you for your input!
The thing about cooking is that this is something I would like to take up again. I used to have more passion about it but it became more of a chore ever since I got pregnant.
So while H might think I'm doing it for him, it's more about me actually.
I think I will keep doing it and offer H if he is around at dinner time.

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Journaling...

Yesterday our babysitter told me that H and kids were late coming home (for H to go to work) so that she had to wait outside for 30min. I asked H about it and he told me "yes I went to eat" It's hard to think H would be late just because he took kids to lunch since he had more than enough time to get back on time if it's just lunch with kids. Now I'm paranoid that H took kids to have lunch with OW, but I haven't asked him about it.

Now he texted me saying I can go out tonight if I like and he will watch the kids. H doesn't want me in the house?
I have an appo with IC tonight anyway, so I decided to go to dinner too, I just replied "ok I will do that thanks" but agh.....

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Anna25 Offline OP
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Friday morning journaling...

I had my first IC yesterday. It was mainly explaining the situation, and she was at first not sure about me not speaking up to him about A. I explained I want to focus on myself instead of him or A, since there is nothing I can do. I want to work on myself being more independent and told her some of my GAL plans. She thought I have a very good plan, though it would not be easy considering the way I have been used to for a long time, but it is possible.
Just talking to someone helped. I will see how it goes.

Anyway, I went out to dinner by myself after that. Wow that was the first time ever I dined alone in a real restaurant, not like café or fast food. It was alright. Not as bad as I thought. I enjoyed the food.In fact I felt a little better after that (not sure if it's because of a glass of wine ;-))

I'm going to dinner on Saturday night with a friend and I am looking forward to it too.

So this morning's conversation
H: So are you going with a guy tomorrow?
M: No, you know I don't do that.
H: I know, I just wanted to know.
M: It's not a guy. Why do you care?
H: You can, you know, I just want you to be honest (he wants ME to be honest????)
M: Well, I'm being honest, you know I don't do that.
H: I just wanted to know, I just wanted to know.

I don't know if this is good or bad. He might think he can be off the hook and feel less guilty if I date? (what kind of woman am I to start dating only after three weeks of BD??) Or he is a little intrigued that I start going out?
I'm going with a gay friend of mine H also knows, so yeah, technically a guy but not, but I don't think I need to tell him everything right?
Doing 180 is sure scary...

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I have been in the same situation and replied, "I'm a married woman. I don't go on dates with other men than my husband."

But I don't feel very competent at giving any input right now...


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
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H is trying to relieve some of his guilt. You need to dress real nice and throw on some new perfume. Buy some new sexy underwear that you normally don't do and leave it somewhere he will see it (tags still on). He needs to think he is losing you, his plan B, before he acts. So far he is in no fear of anything, cake-eating, and you in limbo. Get him out of that mode. This is also for you, making yourself feel desirable by anyone.

Last edited by mvgfwd2; 09/04/15 05:55 PM.

Me:49 W:45
M:19 T:22
EA confirmed and ended 8/2014
S:19,17 D:9,5
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Anna25 Offline OP
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H texted me saying "I was not trying to be judgmental, you have every right to go out with whomever you like, guy or girl. I just want you to be honest with me. If it's a guy, it's ok"

I don't know why he is bringing this up again.
It hurts if he is really trying to make me date...

How about this reply???
"I appreciate it, but I am being honest with you."

Last edited by Anna25; 09/04/15 08:36 PM.
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Anna, I would suggest that no reply to that might be best.

And if he raises is again - tell him you are going out with a friend and leave it at that...


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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