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Zelda09 #2600812 08/23/15 05:19 PM
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Sotto, sounds Japanese to me somehow, like hello!

I digress, even in the ideal world we are going to have attractions, "oh Liam, wherefore art thou Liam?" . They can't arrest you for thoughts and wishes, we can't beat ourselves up for it. Plus it's unrealistic not to expect this. This isn't an EA, sadly Liam hasn't a clue who I am.

I remember being taken aback when someone I worked with (single and Yummie) snogged me when he was drunk once Xmas under the mistletoe. V was very surprised by this, especially when he told the whole assembled room that I was his ideal woman. He was very drunk and I did get an apology, a couple of days later. I wasn't interested in this guy, but I still felt guilty.

Much more sinister was a salesman who visited my company who decided I was going to be the girl for him. Would not go away. He was creepy drawers, eventually he moved on to someone else.

I have over the years had tiny crushes, it adds frisson to life and it's ok, just no actions. Mainly unsuitables.

No partner can fulfill all desires, or meet all expectations, they have their own life to live.

V

Last edited by Vanilla; 08/23/15 05:21 PM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2601535 08/25/15 08:12 PM
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Thanks Late, RD, Z and V. It's reassuring to have your comments. I guess it was a little naive to think I had met the man of my dreams and would never be attracted to another guy again...

Wow, I've had a busy couple of days at work. Flying from one meeting to the next...always running a little late. Home again now, but feeling pretty tired. We had a chat about workloads in our team today. Everyone's feeling pretty over-extended just now.

Sunday I decided to review the financial disclosures from H. I didn't really feel like doing it, but decided to give it a couple of hours and get it out of the way. I've raised a couple of queries, but nothing too controversial - so that's another step over with.

Had a minor flirtation with the recently D colleague. He asked me where I'm living now, and reached over and touched my arm in a meeting when he made a joke. He seems like a nice guy and if I were dating, I would probably be interested in going out with him. But, I don't do 'married and dating' so I guess I'll just be friendly right now - and in the much longer term....who knows! Nice that there is someone out there who might potentially be interested in me though....

All quiet from H. TBH, I've pretty much decided to go completely dark, respond promptly to any L queries and just let the D run it's course. I've just accepted that this is where things are headed now and TBH that's okay with me now. Truly, I think if we were ever to even consider R, it would need to be from a place of independence (and financial independence for me) given how far things have gone.

Working (but from home) again tomorrow and yoga class in the evening, then driving over to meet SS and his mum for lunch on Thursday - looking forward to that! xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2601759 08/26/15 02:35 PM
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You know, Sotto, I thought my XH was the man of my dreams too, but lately, I find myself thinking that it might be nice to find a lovely gentleman to go see a movie with or spend time with. I'm in no rush to fall in love or even fall into bed with anyone, but male company from a nice man would be nice. So, I say flirt away and don't worry about it.

Good for you on moving forward with the financials. That is a hard thing to do, but a necessary step. Keep on keeping on, my friend! smile


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
Dawn70 #2602036 08/27/15 08:13 AM
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Hi Dawn, I'm with you on the male companion train of thought. I'm not looking to get into another big relationship in the near future. But it would be nice to have some male fun and company at a lightish level and on my terms. Maybe I'll just keep flirting away at a gentle level, enjoy a little attention and keep it at a friendship.

Really enjoyed my yoga class last night. There were only a few of us and we had some nice chats during the class. There's an interesting woman who goes, and who knows a lot about good retreats, yoga weekends and so on. She's a mine of information & she's bringing along 'her book' (the info goldmine) to our next class.

I have a couple of outings this week with people linked to H. I'm off to lunch with SS and his Mum today and I'm seeing a mutual friend of ours (that I havent seen for 6 months) on Sat. TBH, I always feel some trepidation with this. I fear that I may find out something painful at these meetings. I try not to 'go there' in terms of talks about H, me and H, what he's doing, what's happening....but it can be a delicate balance (esp. with SS as I don't want to 'shut down' talk of his Dad.) Otherwise, it will be nice to see them & I'll report back on how it goes.

I'm excited to have another new regular GAL plan developing. I discovered that there is a drumming circle in my town that meets once a month. I always wanted to try drumming, and I'm going to go along to their session next week. It's supposed to be a pretty therapeutic activity, so we'll see...

Best wishes to you all xx

Last edited by Sotto; 08/27/15 08:15 AM.

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2602537 08/28/15 10:27 PM
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Seriously Sotto , drumming !!!!! You are amazing. f it wasn't for the veggie thing you would be perfect !

Have a great weekend

Take care you wild thing ( I'm picturing Animal from Sesame Street with two carrots fror drumsticks ). Rd. xxxx

rd500 #2602613 08/29/15 07:33 AM
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Thank you RD! Maybe if I don't straighten my hair that day grin

I had a nice lunch out with SS and his Mum on Thursday. We had a good chat about this & that, and I enjoy their company. It has been nice to let go of 'parenting' SS and become more of a friend/auntie to him. H didn't get much of a mention - but they drop in a couple of things about him. SS hasn't been going down to London that much. his Mum isn't that keen on the set up down there and feels H just isn't there for SS when he does go. That's a shame and I feel for SS in all of this.

His Mum said she feels a lot of anger about what has happened, which surprised me. She said to me - you don't seem angry? I said that I have been angry at times, but I've reached a point where I accept things and feel quite peaceful. They were impressed with my GAL.....particularly when I told SS I'm going shooting at a rifle range soon. He would love that, and maybe I'll take him some time!!

On another note, I bumped into my landlord yesterday. A while ago, I put out a feeler that if the flat I'm renting were for sale, I might be interested in buying it. It's a great flat - light and airy, just on the edge of the town centre, overlooking a park, lake and the cathedral - beautiful. And nice neighbours. But flats in this complex rarely come on the market. Anyway, my landlord said he would be interested when I reach a point that I'm ready to buy. Wow!!

I'm meeting our mutual friend and her S for the day today. We used to do a lot of family stuff with them and she has kept in touch with H as their boys are friends. She is lovely - but I always feel some trepidation about seeing her as I imagine she knows stuff that I may not want to know. I'm hoping that if her S is there, we won't get to talk about our sitch as such....

Anyway - better haul myself out of bed and get moving. Have a good weekend all xxx

Last edited by Sotto; 08/29/15 07:35 AM.

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2602676 08/29/15 05:51 PM
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Had a nice day out with my friend and her son. Hadn't seen them for over six months, and was good to catch up. We talked about some of the stuff I've been up to and they were pretty wowed by me GAL. As always I felt some trepidation seeing them as I know this friend keeps in touch with H. She didn't know that he had actually filed for D, so I told her that today.

I didn't ask about H at all, but friend volunteered some info. She hasn't been in touch with H for a couple of months, but last time she was OW1 was still on the scene and SS had been introduced to her. I understand a little more about HXW and her current anger & unhappiness if OW1 is around when SS goes to visit. That means OW1 has been on the scene (somewhat on and off) for 18 months now. Tho last time I snooped (in April) H was sending late night flirty emails to POW in the US, and I had also heard he was 'dating.'

Friend also told me that OW1's partner (who she cheated with H on) has also followed her to London from the Middle East in hope of getting her back. His M also ended due to A with OM1. Ugh, Ugh, Ugh. Sounds like a horrible situation and makes me a bit mad that H still wants to be with her, despite what's going on and doesn't want a nice woman like me!!!

Okay, I know, I know - rant over. I'm just having a moment & I'll get through it....

Anyway - apart from that. It was a good day and I maintained fab PMA, looked great & had a good time. PMA didn't even slip during these revelations and I didn't even ask follow up Q's....so not bad in all. I just always feel a bit raw seeing people who bring me closer to what is going on with H.

Have a good Saturday evening all xxx

Last edited by Sotto; 08/29/15 05:57 PM.

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2602709 08/29/15 10:24 PM
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Hi Sotto. Sounds like a good day and you asked no Qs !!! Well done You movin forward which is great. Didnt see what your GAL is tomorrow so I'l wish your luck with your scuba diving Scooter riding , volley ball game !!!

Take care nice lady. Rd xxxx

rd500 #2602769 08/30/15 07:09 AM
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Thanks RD, we did have a nice day in the main and I'm pleased with how I managed things with my friends PMA-wise and no Q's. But internally, I've been feeling a bit rubbish since TBH. My sitch is such a low contact one, that news of H just 'rattles' me. Last night, my stomach hurt and my heart hurt, and OW still being on the scene and being introduced to SS just went round and round in my mind. And he's not even my son - but I'm still struggling with it. And I'm struggling with the fact that H is still involved with OW in some way - or at least was a couple of months ago.

And that she has two guys who want to be with her and no-one wants to be with me. It just doesn't feel fair, you know? And then I feel a bit mad at myself, because I feel I SHOULD be further along than this. And why am I giving this woman headspace?? I've been here a while now and know the stats, know the theories, but it's like part of me can't catch up. I realise that detachment is a work in progress and this just illustrates I need to keep working on things.

Anyway, I'm sure it will pass. I just need to settle myself down again and move forward. At least none of this is public - just my own thoughts. Only you guys get to know this stuff!! I'm going to cook a nice lunch for my parents today and then I'm off to aqua aerobics later. Hope you're having a good weekend smile

Last edited by Sotto; 08/30/15 07:13 AM.

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2602787 08/30/15 10:01 AM
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Morning Sotto.

So you hit on something of a nerve for me when you say about it not being fair.

one of the biggest struggles I always had was about why did my XW make so much effort for others guys (pre our relationship) but couldn't be bothered for me, this is why her hen night had such a massive impact on me and why it hurts so much to see the effort she now puts in for OM1. It's like I just didn't hold any value for her which in turn translated into there must be something wrong with (a fairly substantial Shame trigger)

I know now that a large part of this is rooted in how I see myself and my own feelings on worthiness.

Anyway I lost my point a little but what prompted it is the 'noone wants to be with me' comment. That's not true, youre basing that on a sample of your H. It's was only a few posts ago you were talking about a guy you work with who is interested in you.

There are no shortage of people who want to be with Llama trekking, falcon flying, international crossbow champion Sotto. They just might not know it yet and you might not be ready to let them - you're too busy. smile smile


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
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