Just read through all of your posts. Just wanted to say that I think you're doing well on your interactions with your H. Try to stay calm and let the process run it's course. Fight for what you want, but give in on what's not as important to you.
Now, with that said, I want you to post more on YOU. I see you've posted some info on your GAL activities periodically, and they seem pretty good. But I'd like to specifically understand what kinds of goals you have. What kinds of 180s you've been doing. And so on. What does the best ep0215 look like?
Azzork - Thank you for stopping by and giving me some things to chew on. I am ready to work on me, I am starting to understand that he may not ever come back around or it may be years before that happens to what will I do in the meantime. It won't be sitting around waiting for him to wake up, that is for sure.
I have been trying to see things from his side of things and what I want to change about myself, it has been difficult because he doesn't talk about anything so I literally have nothing verbal to go on. Reflecting back there are things I want to change about myself, I do my best at trying to explain.
1.) I want to be more collaborative with the parenting decisions. Since he was never physically around I pushed him aside and made the calls without him and then informed him later. I see now that was not good. I want to ask his opinion before making the decision instead of unilaterally deciding what is best.
2.) Make eye contact when talking to people. I must come across as not paying attention or don't care attitude. Show I am listening and I am interested in what is being said.
3.) Don't be afraid to say no. I tend to clam up when anyone asks me to do something and I don't want to do it.
These are just a few things I have been thinking about this weekend. I am sure there are more but don't want to overwhelm myself.
goals: 1. Do not let his temper and anger make me do something I am not comfortable with just to make him feel better 2. Do more GAL activities when S is not here (Start Bucket List) 3. Stay dark except for child related business. No temp checking 4. Have a better PMA when around H
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
Whew what a weekend! Spent the day yesterday shopping and day dreaming about what I would do to my house. S4 and I went to church today, MIL was there and took us out to brunch after. It was really nice to spend time with her and just chat. We have such a close relationship and I haven't seen her since June. We didn't bring up anything going on and just talked about normal things. Then I took S to the zoo. We had a blast! All in all a very good weekend. good night peeps
Part of a Hymn from church this morning that really resonated with me:
And I won't worry about tomorrow I'm giving You my fears and sorrows Where You lead me I will follow I'm trusting in what You say Today is the day
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
Hi drpq - thanks for stopping by. I will read your posts today, our timelines seem very similar.
I am getting nervous, sad and excited for tomorrow. Tomorrow is S4's first day of pre-K. I don't have him tonight so I TM STBXH yesterday letting him know that I would meet him at the school 30 minutes early so we could take pictures and meet his teacher. his reply was "ok. sounds good". I know I will cry, my baby is growing up. I REALLY REALLY want to stay positive around STBXH and I am trying not to dwell on the fact that he will probably show up late, what if I don't have enough time getting the pictures I want, etc. I am trying not to expect anything but my mind keeps going there.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
so exciting! My husband and I both cried on the first day of preschool. As someone who hasto be early to everything, I understand how you feel, but It's out of your control so no use in getting upset or letting anyone see you upset. Much easier to go with the flow. Even if he is late, You can still get great pictures and teachers will understand. Enjoy every second.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Today was great! I got a few good pictures of him and he was so excited! I can't wait to pick him up tomorrow and hear all about it. He only said "good" on the phone earlier.
Today I am thankful for sweet neighbors. I got home from working late and notice my trash cans were pulled to the curb. This isn't the first time I found them pulled down or pulled back up to the house. I asked him if he had been doing that, he said yes it's no big deal. I said it is a big deal to me and I really appreciate it. I am going to bake them my famous sausage/cheese breakfast bread to thank them.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
EP, that is one of my favorite memories for both of my sons. They will stick with me forever. Pics are still in wall at my desk still.
Good neighbors ard hard to find for sure. Now I have a question for you...it is more something to ponder, During your marriage how many times did your husband take out the trash cans. Did you ever think of making him that special meal as a thank you?
Now that sounds preposterous, right? I would bet that there is a deep reSentiment flowing with husband not feeling appreciated over the years. Now this goes BOTH ways without a doubt. Something to think about for the future interactions and the like with your husband, showing appreciation for things he will do.
It can start small with thank you so muches when dealing with son. This is precisely what folks around here are getting to when we talk; treat him like a friendly neighbor.
I will be honest. I did not show my wife enough appreciation for ALL of the many things she has done for me, kids, family through the years. Nor did she...nowhere near enough as far as I was concerned. When I figured it out, our marriage was already on deaths door.
It has become a daily focus to tell her, show her how appreciative I am of all the things that she does. It is contagious BTW showing people thanks. I even see them do the same to others. Guys at work, wife, in-laws. It is definitely something to think about as a 180 for the future.
I totally agree with you that this is a 180 for me. I know that I did not thank him enough or give enough words of affirmation. I am not good at that with anyone and do want to change that about myself. Thanks for reminding me to put that on my goals list.
He NEVER took out the garbage even when I would remind him about garbage day. We consistently missed garbage day, so having someone take that responsibility without asking felt nice.
This is just me thinking this through, but I guess I never thought about thanking/praising him for doing things that were just expected of you. I never got a thank you for cleaning the house, doing the grocery shopping, taking care of the pets, etc. I see how that can lead to resentment. Why not thank him? What’s the harm? I know now what the harm is in not being grateful. LOL
I have been doing a lot of thinking on what I want moving forward from my partner. I want someone to take care of me but not just monetarily. I want someone who can keep me grounded; who has integrity when dealing with relationships. No game playing or lies. A leader of my family, a provider to the lives entrusted to him by God. I want him to recognize himself in me and have a connection, be drawn to each other spiritually. I want this all but deep down I still want it to be my H. I want him to be this man, the man I thought he was.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
EP, that is one of my favorite memories for both of my sons. They will stick with me forever. Pics are still in wall at my desk still.
Good neighbors ard hard to find for sure. Now I have a question for you...it is more something to ponder, During your marriage how many times did your husband take out the trash cans. Did you ever think of making him that special meal as a thank you?
Now that sounds preposterous, right? I would bet that there is a deep reSentiment flowing with husband not feeling appreciated over the years. Now this goes BOTH ways without a doubt. Something to think about for the future interactions and the like with your husband, showing appreciation for things he will do.
It can start small with thank you so muches when dealing with son. This is precisely what folks around here are getting to when we talk; treat him like a friendly neighbor.
I will be honest. I did not show my wife enough appreciation for ALL of the many things she has done for me, kids, family through the years. Nor did she...nowhere near enough as far as I was concerned. When I figured it out, our marriage was already on deaths door.
It has become a daily focus to tell her, show her how appreciative I am of all the things that she does. It is contagious BTW showing people thanks. I even see them do the same to others. Guys at work, wife, in-laws. It is definitely something to think about as a 180 for the future.
Hugs
Just want to say how much I like this post. I need to remember to start doing more of this.
