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Originally Posted By: ep0215
I feel ready to take the certain 'manly' things down and pack them up for him. It just hurts looking at all these things that remind me of the times we shopped for them together and such. Is it too early and will it set me back to give him a box and say "here you go, this place is no longer yours"...


Well, what do you want to do. If you want to get rid of that stuff...then by all means! If you don't care that rhebstuff is there...he can pack his own crapola up to take with h him.

This time right now and moving forward is about what EP wants to do. This is your space. This is your life. For now husband has chosen not to be a part of it. Uugh that is not awesome, but you are a strong woman and will make the best of this...take the situation as it comes and turn it into the best you can...which I am seeing that the ceiling is high!!!

Have a great weekend EP!


M - 40's
W - 30's
Two Sons
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ep0215 Offline OP
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urrrgh - Thank you, Zpehyr - I seem to keep forgetting to ask "what does EP want?" Instead of "how will this affect H?"

Your encouragement is truly appreciated. I think I will start with one room and see how I feel.


Me:33 H:36
T:13 years
M:10 years
S4
Separated 05/15
H Filed 06/15
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Perfect!!!!

One step at a time.
One room at a time.

Yes indeed


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Ep

My WH went May 2, and the MB is now mine.

Go do it, just pack it, heck I even put WH stuff in a storage container. If you read my thread you will see I packed, cleaned, changed sheets, towels, everything I could to reclaim the space. I put candles, frillier stuff, scented pouri. Go for it, make it your very own space.

Dawn who is an amazing lady, leads the way for me, clear, clean, cleanse. Use all the drawers.change the colours etc etc. Make a ritual on it. Enjoy, have fun, be wacky, girlie, eclectic, minimal. Whatever you need, it's your space.

It refreshes and really makes a difference.

Highly recommended.

V

Last edited by Vanilla; 08/15/15 09:21 PM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Hi ep

I'm new to the board but read your posts with great interest as I'm going through something similar. Husband left and I'm trying to work out logistics but a little scared to insist for what is due as I worry it will prevent any chance for reconciliation. Will most likely end up in courts, so it's very comforting to read about how you have been handling everything and also the mediation experience. Thank you.


Me: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
Physically Separated 7/2015
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V- Thank you for your encouragement

JulieH - I will go and read your sitch today. I am so glad that I am able to help you in anyway. The collaborative process has been so much gentler than litigation and has given me time to process and detach before things got started. The day after I was served the papers I was a wreck and if the process had started right then and not 6 weeks later I know I would have made some very bad decisions for me and for my son. I have that fear too, that if I stick up for myself and stand my ground then I am at the same time losing any chance of reconciliation but you know what the benefit out weighs the risk and that is something I am learning every day.

I think it is a little different for me since H and I have differing work schedules so the time alone and being a single Mom hasn't really changed for me. That feels normal to me. It is the grief of losing my belief in him and my family that brings me despair. I still love him and pray everyday that he has an awakening and we can begin to rebuild what was lost.


Me:33 H:36
T:13 years
M:10 years
S4
Separated 05/15
H Filed 06/15
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 412
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Today I am preparing for the collaborative meeting on Tuesday to (fingers crossed) finalize a time-sharing schedule for our son. I really want some input on the thoughts I have written down on how to approach my side of things. I really want to come across as being amicable but also being assertive in doing what is best for S4.

A bit of background: My work schedule is M-F 8:30 am-5:00 pm. H work schedule is complicated, M 10am-7pm, T off, W 10am-7pm, TH off, F-Su 3:00 pm-2:00 am (he only just now got this schedule fixed, before it was all over the place)

I will call the mediator Dr. C

Dr. C,
I want to give you some history into what S4's routine has been like since he was born. We didn't talk about that in the last meeting and I feel it will help you understand why I feel the need to revise the current schedule and for it being in his best interest.

H has always been in the restaurant industry, he works very long hours and very hard at his job. (I feel I should add some validation or something here)
Since S4 was born he has been home with me alone 5 nights a week, it is what he is used to. When he started school at 2 years old, H would take him to school in the morning and not see him again until the following morning. To change the routine now to S4 being away from his Mommy and home 4 nights in a row, twice a month, is disruptive to his life and not in his best interest.
(he changed his work schedule thinking that every other week he would have him Monday night through Thursday night overnight)
I am not comfortable with reversing our roles so that I now become the weekend parent.

It is very important to me that S have a relationship with his father. Which is why I am proposing the schedule I am to give him the most amount of quality time but still being consistent in what he is used to.

S4 did not ask for this. I did not ask for this but while I am accepting it he should not have the fall out from it.

I do not want to disrupt his life for your choice to end this marriage

I think that this will get my point across without being too aggressive. Wonka - I would really appreciate your take.


Me:33 H:36
T:13 years
M:10 years
S4
Separated 05/15
H Filed 06/15
Joined: Aug 2015
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Originally Posted By: ep0215


I think it is a little different for me since H and I have differing work schedules so the time alone and being a single Mom hasn't really changed for me. That feels normal to me. It is the grief of losing my belief in him and my family that brings me despair. I still love him and pray everyday that he has an awakening and we can begin to rebuild what was lost.


Hi. This is similar for me as well. There really is no change in my life. My sons didn't notice he was gone for a week. He actually told me "you have nothing to lose nothing will change for you. It's not like you were getting affection from me". He is upset that he will lose financially. And you couldn't have said it better regarding greaving over losing ones belief in someone. What happened to the person we knew and loved?


Me: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
Physically Separated 7/2015
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 412
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If you could weigh in on my previous post I would appreciate. The meeting is tomorrow and I do not want to make any mistakes. 2x4 me if you have to smile


Me:33 H:36
T:13 years
M:10 years
S4
Separated 05/15
H Filed 06/15
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 412
E
ep0215 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: ep0215
Today I am preparing for the collaborative meeting on Tuesday to (fingers crossed) finalize a time-sharing schedule for our son. I really want some input on the thoughts I have written down on how to approach my side of things. I really want to come across as being amicable but also being assertive in doing what is best for S4.

A bit of background: My work schedule is M-F 8:30 am-5:00 pm. H work schedule is complicated, M 10am-7pm, T off, W 10am-7pm, TH off, F-Su 3:00 pm-2:00 am (he only just now got this schedule fixed, before it was all over the place)

I will call the mediator Dr. C

Dr. C,
I want to give you some history into what S4's routine has been like since he was born. We didn't talk about that in the last meeting and I feel it will help you understand why I feel the need to revise the current schedule and for it being in his best interest.

H has always been in the restaurant industry, he works very long hours and very hard at his job. (I feel I should add some validation or something here)
Since S4 was born he has been home with me alone 5 nights a week, it is what he is used to. When he started school at 2 years old, H would take him to school in the morning and not see him again until the following morning. To change the routine now to S4 being away from his Mommy and home 4 nights in a row, twice a month, is disruptive to his life and not in his best interest.
(he changed his work schedule thinking that every other week he would have him Monday night through Thursday night overnight)
I am not comfortable with reversing our roles so that I now become the weekend parent.

It is very important to me that S have a relationship with his father. Which is why I am proposing the schedule I am to give him the most amount of quality time but still being consistent in what he is used to.

S4 did not ask for this. I did not ask for this but while I am accepting it he should not have the fall out from it.

I do not want to disrupt his life for your choice to end this marriage

I think that this will get my point across without being too aggressive. Wonka - I would really appreciate your take.


bump


Me:33 H:36
T:13 years
M:10 years
S4
Separated 05/15
H Filed 06/15
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