Thanks, Pyrite. I have sent an email to H regarding the payment of the solicitors for the next stage of the financial order. I was reluctant to send it initially as H always thought I was controlling everything. I like to see this step as me taking and accepting that my old M is dead and am moving forward.
The solicitors is refusing to send out the draft report without the preliminary payment, which is fair enough.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Py, one of the things I am worried about if I am no longer 'a feature' in his life in terms of contact. I am worried that 'out of sight out of mind' is the way H will go :-(
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Py, one of the things I am worried about if I am no longer 'a feature' in his life in terms of contact. I am worried that 'out of sight out of mind' is the way H will go :-(
Nope. Not the case at all. If you are CONSTANTLY in H's face, he'll have no opportunity to see what it would be like without you. Your goal is not to be too available to H.
You know the push-pull dance. I am sure you've read that thread from Cadet's welcome post. When one goes away, then other person pursues to check if the person is still there. I've faced this dance with my hot new girl. It is human nature. The key is to be mindful of the dynamics and you'll do fine.
H needs to realise, once and for all, what he's going to lose. I don't know you, you've made mistakes, but you are genuine and a grafter. Now is the time for H to look in his glass, realise it's full of cream and he needs to ditch the whey that is clouding his judgement.
He needs to take the D off the table, and stop seeing OW, before the next smoothy chat.
How's the far east by the way?
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
H has text back to say 'fine' to take money out of the joint account to pay the solicitors and asked whether I can sort out my end.
Huddy, new job is very hectic and busy. Making new friends and GAL here. Obviously, H isn't aware of this.
Wonka, thank for that reassurance, I had a F U moment towards H, thinking it wouldn't be so easy for him if he didn't have his OW1 and 2 to text/ see every day.
Should I sort out the payment at 'my end' to let H see I am accepting and moving forward or should I let him know if he could sort out in the UK?
My solicitors know that I am in no hurry.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Been over 2 weeks in and have stopped all contact with H unless it is about finances. I haven't paid solicitors yet but will do so.
Reading Sandis LBH thread. I wished I read this earlier, never thought H was a WH until I got back to the UK. I always felt it was because of my 'issues'
Beginning to see what you have all been saying, Pyrite, Huddy. I need him to miss me and see what he will lose. I can't say that I don't feel some anxiety about that. What if H never does? I know that it wouldn't of been so easy for him to let me go if it wasn't for his daily fix from OW.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
If he doesn't it will.be his loss. It may take longer with OW but I think you are on track. Even if he stays blinded you know it is the best option for you and also best chance for ye. Time will tell. Good luck
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Smoth, without OW I dare say it would have been impossible for him. You are without a doubt the stronger of you two, a strong woman, and with all you have put YOURSELF through, super human.
Let go darling. It will set you free. free to choose and not be driven.
-Py
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Thank you, Py. you know how to make me feel better about the course of action I should take. H text me today asking for the address to send my Nephew a B'day card which I asked if he would do with a present. He has sent things to this address before.
still mind reading, thinking he is using this as a tactic to contact me. It's so difficult not to place any emphasis on what they do.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
