Long story short, today my W gave me her intentions of filing for D. This was partly in response to me asking for my dog back and also the course that we seemed to be heading down.
"I know this email probably gives you the same punch in the stomach that it gives me. Sorry for that. But we can't avoid it forever. Since its clear we aren't getting back together I think it's time to finalize things.
As for Woofie I have one last question for you since you've made it clear that you want him. Do you think that it's best for him to be with you and thats what he would prefer? Honestly? Or is your decision coming from your own needs and desires?"
I'm going to be speaking with an attorney this week just to make sure my t's are crossed and i's dotted.
My DB adventure will continue, I know this is just a small blip in a large road. Thank you wholehearted to everyone on this board for your encouragement, love, and support. This has been a living hell made bearable only by all of you.
Even more thanks to Wonka, 25, and all of the vets that have chimed in to keep me on track. I'm going to live an amazing life, one so much richer than the I was experiencing in my M. Perhaps it will be with my W, perhaps not, but it's still going to be incredible.
My plan is also to stay on this board and keep working the DB process, and continue learning as much as I can.
PP
Last edited by PigPen; 08/05/1509:37 PM.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Sorry for this turn of events. If it is really something you are going to come to loggerheads over, might I suggest getting a mediator? My preference would be to have one with a therapy background rather than a lawyer. You can address any other issues that will need to be worked out, but with someone sensitive to the emotional dynamics of the divorce process and the actual couple at the table.
Hang in there.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Long story short, today my W gave me her intentions of filing for D. This was partly in response to me asking for my dog back and also the course that we seemed to be heading down.
"I know this email probably gives you the same punch in the stomach that it gives me. Sorry for that. But we can't avoid it forever. Since its clear we aren't getting back together I think it's time to finalize things.
Translation ... I have made up my mind ... same old story, same script ... PP you are going about this right, she is making sure she fires this shot at your crotch so it hurts ... hang in there. I've had this bullet fired at me more times than I care to share.
Originally Posted By: PigPen
As for Woofie I have one last question for you since you've made it clear that you want him. Do you think that it's best for him to be with you and thats what he would prefer? Honestly? Or is your decision coming from your own needs and desires?"
When I was reading your sitch a bit ago I have to admit I was curious about this too. Sometimes here you see issues just as this where its more about 'winning' than anything else ... something I relate to as I got to a point I was just done with always being on the short end of the stick ... in your case I am not getting that vibe, you are trying to be fair and honest.
Originally Posted By: PigPen
I'm going to be speaking with an attorney this week just to make sure my t's are crossed and i's dotted.
My DB adventure will continue, I know this is just a small blip in a large road. Thank you wholehearted to everyone on this board for your encouragement, love, and support. This has been a living hell made bearable only by all of you.
Even more thanks to Wonka, 25, and all of the vets that have chimed in to keep me on track. I'm going to live an amazing life, one so much richer than the I was experiencing in my M. Perhaps it will be with my W, perhaps not, but it's still going to be incredible.
My plan is also to stay on this board and keep working the DB process, and continue learning as much as I can.
PP
Its all you can really do ... till you decide that there is a point of no return for you. Your W has her journey and you have yours ... sometimes they need closure to move on, I always thought my W would actually need to sign the D paperwork for this to happen, turns out I was wrong, just so happened before that. Everyone is different and things will go as they will ... all we can do is control ourselves, and become better for it.
Cali I read just about everything you write on here and can't imagine the 2 years you've put in. I'm modeling myself after the vets on here that with or without reconciliation can say that they've turned themselves around. Even though I've made some big changes in my life already, I'm going to start tomorrow morning by making my bed.
I'm hanging tough. As I said, my day to day doesn't really change much over this. I have a lot of plans for my future, and am making some big hairy moves business wise, and the excitement of that is moving me forward. I'm not within a country mile of wanting to date or be with anyone else so life is going to keep going on.
Operation PP 2.0 is still alive and well, it's just a bit tired tonight and has a wee bit less wind in its sales.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
First of all, I want to congratulate you on your 200 days of soberity. That is a great accomplishment....just over 3 more months to go before you hit the 365 day mark. Way to go!
As for your W, I am sorry that you had to receive that type of email. It isn't easy at all. A blow for sure...but you are not down on the floor gasping for air.
Suggested response to W's email (you can change to suit your style/preference):
W,
Thank you for your email. Yeah, this isn't easy at all for all of us. A divorce isn't what I want, but I will not stand in your way.
Regarding Woofie, let's be clear here, I think it is important that we both have access to him and I would like to think that it's something that can be worked out fairly. I cannot imagine you not having Woofie around you nor him not being with me. It is inconceivable that one of us be completely deprived of Woofie's companionship after raising him from puppyhood--he is our baby.
Again, I miss Woofie terribly and very much want to see him. Not seeing him for over 2 months has been devastating and heartbreaking for me. Why would you want to deny me the joy of Woofie's companionship whom we've known and raised since he was a puppy? You need to know that I am feeling pain here and I think it is reasonable work with the suggested schedule to share Woofie on a fairly equitable basis. I get that it is a new uncharted territory for us; however, I think it is valuable that we be allowed to spend time with Woofie individually and we are very capable in caring for him.
I am trying to understand your stance here in regards Woofie. As you can see, I am trying to work with you here. Help me out here...I am a bit of at a loss.
I love Wonka's reply, with one exception. I don't like the "I don't want divorce but won't stop you" sentence. That has been said many times in many ways already. I don't think you have to agree that divorce is best, but I might say something else myself.
For me, the words that come to mind are:
"I agree this is a necessary step, I certainly don't want to remain legally tied to someone that isn't interested in a committed partnership with me."
I don't know. Just my initial thoughts. I feel like you're creating some boundaries (I am not here unconditionally, I am here on the condition you commit to the M), some value (I am not desperate, I deserve a committed relationship), and a sprinkle of truth darts (she is breaking her vows and that is eliminating her from being someone you want to be involved with emotionally or legally).
Vets, if this is too controlling, accusational, manipulative- I'm open to that feedback. But I could feel ok about sending that message. So I'm asking for feedback almost as much for myself as for PP here.
Last edited by Zues126; 08/06/1505:29 AM.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Congrats on your 200 days. That is something to be proud of. You are on a new path. Who knows what the future holds. This will be a bumpy road to go down. You have come this far. You will get through this too. Best of luck and enjoy your fur baby. I sure am thankful for mine! Lol
Cheers,
Karma
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
