have i been making mistakes too long

[tkdmme]

so, we had dinner at my wife's brothers house last night. I have been trying not to discuss the situation we are in. however, after dinner her brother brought it up and in front of everyone including her mother he proceeded to compliment me and tell me what a great job I have been doing. He also told my wife and mother in law that I was the only one working towards healing our relationship and doing the right things and that they should stop judging me for the times that I have failed. he told them that they have no right to judge unless they were helping in fixing the situation. Her mother was offended by this and began criticizing me and told me to "grow up". At this point I lost my cool. This mother in law has been up my ass for years and I could not take her bs anymore. It probably hurt my case but I had to say what was on my mind. Although I was beyond angry I calmly asked her not to speak to me unless it was necessary. She watches the children when my wife and I are at work so there will be times that we have to communicate.
Before I left I apologized to her and my wife.
My wife's brother has been more of a father to her than a brother. Their father abandoned them when they were young. He has backed me through this whole thing and continues to encourage me and tell me not to give up.
I hope this didn't make things worse. i have asked him not to pressure her but he tells me that it is his duty to keep his sister from making a mistake that she will regret.
I haven't seen or spoke with my wife today but im sure that she will blame me for this episode as well. This soap opera continues to have more twist and turns.

[bravo61]

Tk,
I don't know if the brother standing up for you hurt you or not. I would, however, be proud of the fact that someone is noticing your changes.

In regards to the MIL, ignore her. If she continues pull her aside and let her know that while you respect her you will not allow her to be disrespectful towards you. You can even tell her how surprised you are at her behaviour as she experienced the pain you are feeling now. Just my two cents.

[shnswms]

You need to detach. I personally would not acknowledge your wife's birthday, especially if she is going away with friends. Definitely do not buy her a gift. You can not win her affections back with gifts. Some others may want to chime in on this.

[tkdmme]

Ok so my wife is moving out. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not. I'm falling apart all over again.

[Cadet]

Ok so my wife is moving out. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not. I'm falling apart all over again.

It will be good and bad.

It will help you to detach,
you still need to get yourself put back together after you
are done falling apart.

Sorry this is happening however it is part of
many scripts.

Start focusing on YOURSELF!

[tkdmme]

She has doesn't wear her ring anymore. I've been reading about no contact and detaching but we are still the same house as of now and I'm not sure that she is serious about moving out. Should I take off my ring? I think it may show her that I'm ok with her decision and I'm ready to move on. This is something that has me puzzled. I want her to know that I'm moving on but I don't want the kids to think I'm giving up. Any thoughts?

[Cadet]

I think it may show her that I'm ok with her decision and I'm ready to move on.

There are no tricks here or magic buttons to press.

What do you want?

[tkdmme]

I want to repair my marraige. Not sure what you mean. I have to move on but I'm hoping in doing so she may reconnect with me.

[Cadet]

I would suggest you "move forward" not "move on".

My point about what you wrote is that I do not think you can "show her" anything right now.
She is not listening to you or hearing anything that you say.
She likely believes NONE of your ACTIONS.

So do things for you - not to prove a point to her.

[HurtHus]

Brother, this sounds exactly like my situation. My wife and I are 36 and have been together for 17 years. We were best friends until about 4 months ago. I thought it was a MLC at first as she also went to the gym we both belong to (if she didn't go and entered her score she would be called out on it) then went to work and straight home. I found out she had been meeting the OM at lunch and finding parking lots to go to so that she could have her affair. This is the worst thing I've ever been through and I feel your pain.

Like your W mine has talked about separation and moving on, but she has never done anything to make that a reality and instead leaves it to me to leave or not. This limbo [censored]. I hope you find your way through it, I'm losing sight of the hope I once had though.