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Praying for health and peace for you today vge1. It helps me tremendously to read and re-read the serenity prayer. Perhaps it will help you.


M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
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vge -

just popped in as I really did not intend 'to read DB forum' this weekend, but left for this coming week ( as in scheduled )
.
However, someone sent me a link for youtube / Mark Hyman at SuperheroYou (published aug 20 2013). You may have heard him already?

I found it a little lengthy but also interesting to listen to (had to come back to it re length!)

Just passing on in event you may be interested when you have a little time.
Connect w/ you soon - will catch up w/ your thread on return.
take care, p smile


pbetra
----
M: 15 yrs (in 2014)
BD: 6/03/2014
Infidelity ('known' from July 2014)
Denied PA Feb 2015
2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact.
Back briefly 2017 (after family death)
Separated 2017

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Thank you my friends.

Only y'all can understand the depths of emotional pain and y'all are so wise.
I appreciate the advice. I truly do since y'all have more of the perspective that can relate.

Thank you pbetra for the link, I'll check it out. Yes, I do know of Mark Hyman so I'm interested on what he has to say.
Shotgun - I do have to repeat the serenity prayer just to keep things in perspective. Though hard ... it is doable.
Job - your insight is always spot on. Thank you. You're right about H being irrational. So far, everything I say and do he seems to think is wrong. I pray for peace.
kml & 123Gwen - I have already sent the texts to my atty. along with more stuff. I'm sure she's so upset that I continue to send all these ridiculous texts but I figure that the more she knows, the more she can help me.


So, this weekend my H didn't see our boys. They were so sad and angry.

H: I had a long convo w/the boys counselor. She's set up a mtg on the 18th. I'll meet the boys there. U can drop them off & pick them up. BTW - DS16 text me about picking him & DS18 at church after there overnight church activity.?? Didn't u tell them about r text convo? This is what you've done..you will need to explain it to the boys. I have explained the situation with their counselor & mtg on the 18th is the best thing at this point.

Me: I'm glad u spoke with their counselor and thank you for setting up the mtg w/her & the boys. So u want to wait til the 18th to see the boys?

H: VGE1...really? i am now questioning ur ability to homeschool our boys cuz u lack the ability to understand what I have told u in numerous texts. Simply read the previous msgs & u will see that I have answered your question.

Me: I was just confirming what you've said that's all. Then I'll let the boys know that you'll see them at counseling.

H: Yes, I think it's best..being honest w/the boys about how things really are is the best thing. All these yrs you have chosen to keep things private that they don't understand that our marriage wasn't what we have lead them to believe. Our families have blended well and the kids all get along great. I don't want to go through the rest of the yr arguing about things. I just want to see my boys when i have them on my days & be civil when we r all together at any upcoming events such as soccer games, swimming, etc. I think counseling is going to help answer any questions for the boys & possibly help them heal from anything they might not understand. And at any pint if they wish to come stay with me or want to call me they are always welcome to come & stay. Did u even bother asking the boys why they walked out on me during my visit???



Ok - so I didn't respond. I don't even know how to respond. It seems that it just goes back and forth. H seems rational & logical that I seem to be defensive. H is now insulting my intelligence.

I just told our boys - Dad is not going to come visit y'all til the counseling session.

Ds9, DS11 were angry and sad. In fact, Ds11 said he felt relieved that he doesn;t have to deal with OW & her kids. He just wants to spend time with dad alone. H doesn't seem to understand that they just want him & not always have OW & her kids around. I've always told my children the truth but I have to be careful that I don't badmouth him - which I never have. Does H really want me to be honest with them about H behavior and his religious tone in his new world?

Some friends who are FB friends with my H mentioned that they are all still FB friends but that they dont respond to his posts or like anything he does post. But yet, no one calls him out on his behavior or posts.

OF course, I don't ask what's out there but everyone feels the need to share with me a few things like - "he was at a wedding and mentioned that he'll keep everyone posted when he & OW will have a wedding date." or guess what he posted - "love your enemies... Luke 6:27. thanks to my friends & family who have been there for me."


See - what do I need all that for. I feel I'm being betrayed over and over by his family & our friends. I tell them I don't need to know. And why has No one said anything about what he's doing is wrong. And when my sons call him out on their discomfort or what he's doing acting like a christian - then he gets sooo mad.

H keeps playing the victim in this. I can already hear his mom & dad & even his friends telling him how mean I am and how they'll support him.

Anyway, I need some encouragement. I am so sad especially for his soul. I pray for him, my inlaws, the OW cuz I pray God reveals truth.

Praying for my children to be strong, courageous, faithful and merciful. Praying for wisdom & courage & strength for me.

This is hard. Trying to detach.

In His Love

VGE1

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Vge, I’m so sorry you have to go through all this BS. Your H is irrational and trying to pick the fight with you in every interaction. He is one unhappy man who is trying to justify his choices by blaming everything on you. All his comments to his friends and family look so childish, like he is trying to let everyone know that he is in a better place now. My take on this is that he knows he made bad choices and hurt a lot of people, he just doesn’t want to admit it. So, he is trying to do everything possible to make himself a victim. And you’re an enemy? Give me a break.

At some point, this is not going to work for him anymore. It will be a rude awakening for him. His friends are going to see the truth eventually. Doesn’t mean that they will disown him or whatever. They will just avoid him at all cost.

I just cannot believe this man. I was reading your post and started to feel a lot of anger towards him. And I don’t even know him. I think you are doing the right thing, not responding to his spews. I don’t know if it is possible in your case, but I would not deal with him directly, but through some mediator.

Vge, I’m not a religious person, but I truly believe that the truth will be revealed and they all get what they sowed… H, his parents, ow, etc. Stay strong.


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S28 (my S from previous marriage)
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BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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Hello my friends.

NEEDING PRAYERS!

Going into mediation today 082615 at 9:30a.

I have anxiety and fear since all I think about is expecting the worst and hoping for the best. That's what all my divorced friends tell me.

I want this done but dreading what he's gonna do or say.

He hasn't had any visitation with our children since 072215. He had text that he'd see them at their counseling session on 081815. Which he did, however, the counseling session wasn't a visit as much as a bashing session against me ...in front of our children. Why?

UGH!
My poor babies. The counselor had to reign him in and say that it's become a blame game and to focus on the boys instead.

Of course, his narcissism surfaces. Cuz this is about him.
He plays the victim. He even told the counselor that our marriage was so bad and that's why he had the affair (the one I forgave him for and he has a child with) so that I would leave him. He said this to the counselor during his session with our children. How does that make them feel?!

So frustrating.

Anyway, I just spoke to a friend of mine who went through a divorce 5 yrs ago and he suggests that I remain quiet. BE ZEN LIKE! Ummm...that's hard!

Especially since I'm asking for:
1) my children's well being and safety- physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Asking for full custody.
2) Health Insurance for me to continue my treatment.
3) Child support and spousal maintenance.
4) Respect our children's feelings and not have the OW on every visit or activity. They just want a break from her and her kids.

I don't want to get angry. I pray that the mediator, my H, & his atty will be merciful toward me and my children.

I expect his dad or his cousin(atty/judge) will be there to fill his head with ideas. Remembering that he plays the victim - they're deceived.

And just to add, his atty keeps wanting my health info-why? Cuz his dad put that on the table several months ago since I think they expect me to die. My atty has refused that kind of info. Why is that even on the table?
**
sigh!**

Luv y'all my beautiful friends. Your stories continue to inspire me and give me hope. Y'all are AMAZING!!

Praying for VICTORY! Praying for peace, wisdom, discernment, strength and COURAGE! I don't want to give in or be a door mat. Also praying for my atty to be strong. Lord help me!

I'll let y'all know what happens tomorrow.

One more thing- treatment continues to help. It'll be lifelong as long as it continues to work. Which it is - yay!

In His Love

VGE1

Romans 8:28

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I will be thinking of you today. My thoughts and prayers are w/you. Listen to your fried, stay calm and try not to get emotional. This is a business transaction today.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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God has your back Vge. Remember that you can't hear the Holy Spirit with a racing mind and too much noise... Calm and quiet is the key.

Lots of love :-)

Heather


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Hi vge, I am keeping you in my prayers.

I am happy to hear your treatment is working, you are a strong lady Vge and it shows through all you do and say.

As for your h - I am so sorry you are having to deal with the fallout of his selfishness, I really hope that mediation has gone your way, please do let us know.

Vge, you are one gutsy women and I am always in awe of the way you have handled this. There are many kinds of MLC'er and sadly you got one of the ones who is determined to cause you as much hurt as possible, yet you manage to absorb it and carry on - you are remarkable.

Keep going forwards Vge.

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Vge, how did it go? Thinking about you. ;-)


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Vge, how are you doing? I hope the mediation went ok.


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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