Happy Birthday! May God shine His face upon you and bless you...Numbers 6:24-26 !
Please focus on the good..
I highly recommend this book I read a long time ago and will have to buy it again. Cuz I need it too!
Anyway - "When your rope breaks" by Stephen Brown.
Essentially it's a book on affirmation and how to navigate through all the feelings you go through after a breakup.Make a plan to read good things, say good things and do things for yourself and for others. LOVE!!
We love you Gwen. God is good - ALL the time! Trust in Him!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you Job. VGE my battle is nothing compared to what you are dealing with and you are so amazing.
I keep thinking Entirely too much. I feel like I should have more clarity and not feel so lost right now. I know this will pass. I just can't believe how much energy I am still giving to a situation I can't control. He left. He discarded me and our daughters as if we were trash. I mean his actions were clear but I keep trying to understand or try to feel worthy. It is crazy and I have given it far more than I should but yet I keep going there.
I am praying that Ali will find some more of that detachment. Just some more peace instead of aimless sadness. I want to keep faking it and really start to feel better.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Depression - boy do I know that feeling, I have questioned "whats the point" on many occasions. You are not alone Gwen and it's an understandable place to be in, however please please promise me that if you feel this way for more than a few days then you will drag yourself to your Dr, its a slope you need to be aware of sliding down and one that is so easy to find yourself on. Gwen, you have been through a lot, ask for and accept help if you need it.
I think this process goes around and around, we think we are getting somewhere and then a setback puts us backwards, but you know something, we don't go back to the beginning, so each time we go a little further forward. You may not be able to see it, but I can see how far you have come, you are so much stronger than you believe yourself to be - its that horrible word ....time.
I think you are expecting far to much of yourself; this is not the "norm" breakup, you did not grow apart, you did not fight all the time, you did not lose interest, this was a complete shock - you are not only grieving for your marriage and the future you saw yourself having, you are also having an identity crisis, having to find out who you are outside the role you used to play. Its HUGE Gwen, don't downplay the enormity of what you going through, don't expect so much of yourself.
It is said that the average everyday breakup takes 2-5 yrs to get over - what is average about what we are going through ?? It really is early days Gwen, you are doing really well, it will come, that clarity you so want will come.
I find having something to look forward to helps and having a goal to reach, it gives me something to focus on. Remove your thoughts from your head by giving it something else to occupy the space. I find watching a TV series help me zone out and give my headspace a break.
If you are really struggling with being able to pep yourself up then how about thinking about seeing a c or a life coach, it may be that you just need a little outside support and understanding from a neutral person.
I feel so sad you are having to go through this Gwen, you don't deserve it, none of us do.
Thanks Lou for always being so encouraging and wise. I actually have been seeing a counselor for the last 9 months but she had an emergency appendectomy the same week as my accident. I am finally getting to see her next week but dealing with things over the last month has really been a challenge. The isolation and not being able to use my dominant arm. The lack of sleep and realizing that my job may not be available was a gut punch.
I rationally see how this is temporary but I am mired down in it that I am just finding it tough to be positive. H does not contact us and Facing that reality at the one year mark has just brought on more sadness. Not surprise but sadness.
Am I standing or dbusting? There is nothing to work with if he is with OW. I just keep thinking too much.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Gwen - there is always something to work with ....you
Just because h is with someone else right now does not mean that won't change. You have no idea what is going on in his world, for all you know it could be all doom and gloom ....and I have just learnt that it was in my h world. We tend to let our imaginations create a wonderful rosy picture that they must be living, but reality is that they are trying to be someone that they are not and the energy in keeping that up will eventually burn out.
This is not about h and what he is doing, its about you and what you want to do - whether that be "standing" or shutting the door, or just accepting that this is the way it is and be open to all options - by being open I mean, your h returning will happen if it is meant to be or could be a new man entering your life is ok with you or being on your own is just fine, working on your own plans, wants and needs.
You are very understandably having a really tough time; frustration from your injury, insecurity from not knowing what is happening with your job (has anything more been said on that front?), your h fallen off the planet. I know its words, but keep moving through the days my friend, you really don't know what is around the corner, something wonderful will surprise you one day.
Thank you Lou for taking to time to try to reframe all of this for me. I guess my personal motto is just trying to keep my options open to whatever is in store for the future. I want my girls to see me moving ahead and not thinking H will return but if I have learned anything in the last year it is that I really don't know anything either.
As for the job - my employer does not treat employees well. I have witnessed that on many occasions with others. It is not an easy place and they are known for moving people around like furniture. I have decided if that is my fate I am okay with leaving or being let go. Right now the health of my dominant arm is more important. . I will not jeopardize my recovery or my mental health. I am grateful for this job but it does not pay that well and I won't allow myself to be put into a no win situation that drains all my energy and self esteem. So what will be will be. I hope to start PT in a couple of weeks and then go back to work. I have no idea if it will come to fruition.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
I haven't posted in a few weeks. Going to physical therapy, back at work and trying to juggle my life as a single parent. The girls are back in school. I miss my oldest but she calls often and will be back in a couple of weeks to visit. Youngest is off to a good start too. Such wonderful blessings.
H attempted to talk with D's but then didn't answer the phone. They say they are done with him. I stay silent but I understand.
Folks I am so tired but I can't believe how unbelievably sad I remain. Why can.'t I get angry? It is a sadness that weighs me down .- the tragedy of it holds me back. H is not coming back and I doubt he ever will do the real work on himself. I still pray daily but I am practical too. The MLC is real but with OW and geography I can't imagine H ever building a bridge towards me. I am not sure he is capable of connecting to anyone.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
This is sad. It's sad what he's done to you and your daughters but have hope.
Crying was what I did because of the emotional roller coaster I was on but I wasn't angry either. More like...disappointed.
I wasn't angry until I went to this thing called Freedom Prayer. It's amazing. Two ladies and I gathered at a church and they helped me walk through and release the emotional bondage. There was anger in there but it was so bottled up. I really think it manifested itself into more stress which fueled the cancer. I really believe this!
Don't get sick. don't stress out my friend. Know that we love you and have your back.
Look forward not backward. The light is in front of you..forward..straight ahead. The light is wonderful. It's warm, inviting, loving and healing. Behind you its dark, cold, uninviting and you've already been there.
Come and let go of the sadness. Let go of the disappointment. Let go of the anger (it's there).
Love you my friend. PLease keep the faith. Fill yourself with JOY! Prov 3:5-6!
So pleased to hear your girls are doing well. Its so sad that their d can't be more part of their lives but it's his choice and one day he will regret the loss.
I am not sure how you get angry - I suppose it just happens as part of the process we go through. I get angry at the position my h's selfish actions has put me into - renting a cheap basic flat and working a really demanding job living paycheck to paycheck. Losing my marriage, home, friend and money all because he wanted to feel single and free - well that turned out not to be so much fun after all !!
The sadness; it is all part of the process and letting go of it is one of the hardest things to do. Everyone is different and works through it at their own pace. I still have down days, I still feel sad at all that has happened and I still have tears occasionally, but I have more good days than sad ones now so I try and keep faith that one day the sad days will fade away.
You are doing amazingly well Gwen, you have been thrown into the deep end off a very high diving board - give yourself credit for all that you have achieved. It is easy to get lost in the gloom, so try and see all the little things that are good in your life - the independant things that you now do that you didn't do before.
Originally Posted By: 123Gwen
The MLC is real but with OW and geography I can't imagine H ever building a bridge towards me. I am not sure he is capable of connecting to anyone.
I asked the same question a while ago on my thread - I could not see how it was possible for any bridges to be built whilst h was a) not talking to me and b) living on a different island. It can and does happen Gwen, if your h really wants to mend things then he will do whatever it takes to do it. He will find an excuse to contact you, he will find a way of getting you back into his life. You have no idea what is happening in his head right now. You have no idea what is happening in his relationship either, we presume however we don't actually know. It could be all sunshine and roses but it could also be that his life has turned to custard -
I suppose it's trying to make yourself carry on, be open to all possibilities, whether that be your h, being on your own or meeting someone else - just keep going forwards and living your life as best you can, enjoy it as much as you can as all these days are ones you won't get back.
Stay strong my friend and I hope you find your happiness as you truly deserve to feel happy again.
