He really has difficult almost impossible time sleeping without a tv on.
If I turn it off he wakes up.
Communication, something H and I would need to really work IF only....
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
I believe my H may have some health issues that he needs to have checked out. H is constanly complaining about pains in legs, and back. H has high blood pressure and gout.
I also strongly believe something is going on with his "male parts", things are NOT working like they use to, and I don't think H is of the age where there would be a decline to this level....or could it be?
Just praying he goes to Dr for a complete checkup. No he has not gotten his prostrate exam or a colonoscopy, I have begged him to do both when he turned 50.
He did comment the other day while using the restroom after we had ML,,,that what else could be wrong now....he was just talking aloud to himself...sounded so very sad:(
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Sounds like he's got some health issues that need to be checked out...but he's not ready to do so. The man doesn't want to accept that he's getting older and w/aging, comes some health issues. BTW, yes, he's at the age where there can be a decline in his levels. You might want to do an internet search and read on men's issues so that you have a better understanding of what he might be dealing with.
If he mentions the pains again, gently suggest that he might want to consider seeing a physician. Don't push too hard, gently suggest it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Things have been pretty quiet for me and my MLC. I believe I have truly gotten to the point where I'm living my life and moving forward. I don't feel much towards the whole situation, I move forward without the "what if's", without the "fear" of if H will one day up and leave, or have another A, I know that I will be GREAT. S15 is being a teenager, which is to be expected, and I hope I'm managing that well.
H is making some progress I think, he seems to be reconnecting with D32.
H has also gone to see the Dr, he let me know he was going, but I did not hear back on what the Dr said...
I have noticed, it seems like MAYBE H is not as "sad", he is laughing a lil more, making jokes. H seems to NOT be as tense around me, I can ask normal questions without him being on defense or getting "bothered"
I swear sometimes I forget that we are in this situation? Until I see a couple out somewhere looking very much in love, or my friends have "date nights" with their husbands, or a song comes on the radio that we use to love to listen to together, or I watch a romantic movie...but for the most part I really don't "think" too much about it.
I do wish his work schedule allowed him to be at more events for our son, but this has always been an issue even before BD.
I just wanted to drop in and give a lil update.
I will admit I have not been reading many other posts on here, I needed a break from those, cause sometimes it's just too sad, and I'm in/was a place where I need a "sad" break.
But I will read and post support to those also in need on here, cause I know how it feels...
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Sometimes you have to take a break from the forum. People understand this...so do not feel guilty about it.
I'm glad to read that your h made an appointment w/his physician. It could be that he got some good news and that's why he's laughing a bit more. People tend to fret about health issues for a while before they see someone and then discover it's normal or nothing to worry about. Hopefully the news he received was all good.
Your h is baking up nicely. He still needs some time in the MLC oven, but at least he's starting to reconnect w/family.
You sound very grounded these days and I'm glad. You've had a rocky road to travel and hopefully things will start to settle down for you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So last night H was not feeling well ao he took off work, s15 was at movies, so H suggested we have a cocktail and he showed me a card game he use to play. It was a nice evening.
I see my progress...after a very nice time with H the next day Im not thinking much about it, not dwelling on it, not wondering if this is the start of him coming back to our M.
I know he still has alot of work to do.
GaL for today, going to see a movie alone something I enjoy and have not done alone in a while. Have a great day everyone.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
I had made plans to go to my cousin's going away party. S15 and I ran some errands, H calls to tell me he is not working today and ask when we would be home.
We get home I tell H of my plans, invited him to go, he declined and responded that he has made all this food now what (H had cooked while s15 and I was running errands). I told him again I had plans and he was invited and I had no clue he would be home today and cooking.
I went off to Cousin's party, H and S15 stayed home, about 2 hours later S15 & H show up at party. Everyone was happy to see H and joked with him that they are glad to see he is still alive and not buried in the basement..(by me),,,
H is there for maybe 1hour, heads home, I leave a couple hours later and s15 stays even longer.
When I get home, H is waiting for us to eat dinner with him, even though we all ate at cousins.
I ended up having a very small amount, and H and I watched a movie.
Not sure why H did not work, he said he went and they had too many people on staff and he was able to come home since he has so much OT, AND had not been feeling well.
H never misses work unless he is VERY sick, not even before BD. So I hope his explanation was the truth. And he does not pass up OT pay options...
I'm seeing him being more interested in spending time with me and S15, not like at BD when he had mandatory family movie night and seem to be going thru the motions, he seems to enjoy time with us a lil more.
BUT, I'm staying on guard, staying alert. I cannot let my guard down at this time, I know H still has much work to do, and I know I'm still working on myself trying to be better each day.
Any ideas what is going on with H, what phase he could be in? Just wondering...I know it does not really matter, but curious.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
It's had to say where he is right now in his crisis. Only he may know what's going on w/him and why he's doing the things he's doing.
Please, please stop trying to figure out what phase he's in. He's in crisis and until he's completed his crisis, his emotions will be all over the place. One minute up, the next down. One minute he wants to be w/you and your son and the next he doesn't. Learn to accept him for who he is right now, which is possibly a teenager trying to grow up to be 21.
He crisis clock is slow while your clock is fast. He will get through is crisis at his own pace and when he's faced and dealt w/his issues. Until that time...he's still baking in the MLC oven.
Keep the focus on you and your son. If your h is doing something nice, recognize him for this and keep your expectations at zero.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Job, I ask the phase cause I ignored my H alot on our past, and I dont want to miss something important. Will I really know when he is done? Or does it gradually happen and one day its over? I guess H has lots of time left in the oven. I could see my H just wanted to continue on as if nothing has happened. I do now realize I will feel when Im done standing, no time line set in stone, as I get more in tuned with me, I know I will know when H time is Up.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Happy, They gradually go into mlc and they will gradually come out of it. The crisis will be over when he's done the work on himself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
