hold on! - 11

[SunnyB]

I don't think that's BS. I totally understand. My kids like me a lot better these days. They say I'm more relaxed, more fun, more available, more interesting. I totally get it, U.

Wow...I need to listen to myself here.....

[JellyB]

Hi JellyB,
Thanks for stopping by my place - it's a bit of a mess right now - I hope you don't mind....Thanks for coming over

I never mind the mess I have come to see you, but I will have a cuppa, so put the jug (kettle) on, tea with milk please, (on the weak side) and lets chat. Lady V might stop with something sweet for us to nibble on if we're lucky.

xxJellyB

[Vanilla]

Or cheeeeeeeese cake.

Would that be ok Jellyb?

I am so pleased U for the peace in your life I might just say

Moooooooose

V

[JellyB]

I love cheeeeesseecake Lady V! Baked and/or lemon is my fav! Jelly xxx

[CaliGuy]

U

Just looking ahead a bit here ... when she does recive the papers.

I would have that spew jacket handy ... I would also think with an open mind here. I have followed your sitch since you have been here .. like I said on my thread you and I are DB twins .. born the same day.

What do you want? Is it the D ... or would you be open to WW if she finally woke up and decided to fully commit to working on your M? I ask because logically 2 things will happen with your W, and I do not think its going to happen right away but after this sinks in for her that its very real and your intent is clear.

#1 She very well might have hoped you to end the M al along, so she has her much valued scape goat, appearance is important to her and this would work well as we have discussed .. It was U-turn who wanted this not me ... leaving out the juicy details that would paint her poorly.

#2 She recieves the docs ... and after the initial .. "I can not believe he actually did this" ... then the "Oh Chit" starts to seep in, she might actually look around and realize all she is about to lose, giving up all that cake she has eaten for over a year might just send her on a sugar-withdrawl spiral.

Regardless ... you need to think about both options and have a plan/boundaries and non0negotables inline for both .. they very well might be one in the same, This is where you will be tested like no other, she will pull out all the stops and you are going to have to hold your ground here my friend .... The storm is-a coming amigo.

[u-turn]

You should listen to yourself Sunny - you give great advice and support.

Sometimes I try to read my kids minds just to figure out what's going on in there (without pressuring them by asking). I often feel that they think WTF dad - what are you waiting for - how long are you going to deal with this? - I know my oldest son thinks that (he has told me that). S17, I believe feels the same way sometimes (though sometimes I think he feels that everything is on the mend). Then there's D15 - I have a hard time reading that girl's mind - I think she will be torn apart by this (but she sees D families with a couple of her friends and they are surviving - though I notice a trend of mom's boyfriends moving in with mom in their former marital homes (rather quickly in my opinion) and fathers living in apartment nearby - Sadly I still feel a little judgmental about this but keep it to myself because I don't know their stories). I say sadly, because I wouldn't want to be judged either - and look at my life.

Jelly & V
Boy - that sounds great - I'll attempt to make a proper tea for you, but you'll have to try my coffee too. I can't get enough cheeeesecake either - my favorite - with some raspberry sauce on it and all my troubles will fade

Thanks for being so supportive!

[u-turn]

Hey Cali - I feel the same way twin brother! Except with all of your wise words, you seem to be my older/wiser brother.

funny thing - I was out on a ride yesterday (35 miles - longest of the year so far) and for some reason, I though of you. I thought about super-cool-cali on his harley - that's the way to go - that would be much better - I could do that again. Nah - maybe I'll just put the baseball card in my spokes like when I was a kid - that would sound badass - I actually laughed out loud (I guess I was delirious and dehydrated)


But anyway - Thanks for pointing this out and I have had the same EXACT thoughts about what is about to come.

#1 - this could very well be - she may have been waiting for this all along and still protecting her image as she has throughout this. Then - so be it - done.

#2 - this would be tough for me - If it was 9 or even 6 months ago, I would have jumped on it. In fact when she came to me after her DUI in march and needed me, put her ring back on, saw that I was there for her and did anything to help her without judgement; I felt that this was it - it could be real. It was short lived because I was too cautious or it was fake - either way, it wasn't meant to be.

If it trends toward #2 - I know I will be tested, but I am likely to be even more cautious now which will test her too. I will need to know if it is real before I can give something like that a chance. She has soooo far to go. I hope she doesn't fake this.

#3 - you see my story on the dateline murder mystery - you know the one where you know right away that the conniving spouse did it.

I've ordered a couple new spew jackets with hoods - should be delivered next week.

Thanks so much!

[JellyB]

Hey U thanks for stopping by my place, nice to see you there! Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I will talk more to you on my thread, don't want hijack. I am not sure what more to say about you and your sitch, only that you regularly pop into my head during the day. I hope you know that you are very well cared for and thought of. The indigenous people the Maori here in NZ, have a saying Kia Kaha (key-a car-ha), it means Stay Strong. xxxJellyb

[Bob723]

Hello U,

Thanks for stopping by my thread. I replied there. I'm so happy you stopped by.

I agree with you -- Sunny has some great advice and is very supportive. She always is. And so are you!

The only advice I can think of now is to take things one step at a time, think positive thoughts and do something fun for yourself.

Keep your chin up. We all have your back and you will get thru this.

Bob

[u-turn]

Thanks for thinking of me Jelly & Bob - that means so much. The support here gets me through.

I feel like I have been carrying a heavy weight on my shoulders for the last year and a half and I am tired. and now I have hired someone to help me set it down and push it down the hill.

I have turned in the required paperwork to the L and given him the go ahead to proceed. The declaration will be entered into the county system by the end of next week. WW will be served sometime within 2 weeks after that (but I won't know the day that it happens).

I was picturing the movie version of being served, but all it will be is a sealed roll rubber banded to the front door knob (which I will likely get as WW doesn't come home as often.) I was picturing the too dramatic version of the uniformed sheriff knocking on the door.

I am very sad about this again right now, but I know it's what needs to be done.

I have a little scare about the business value ($0 in my mind as it is all just my intellectual property), but the courts may see that differently - I think I need to research this more.

I am still receiving notices about our delinquency and am trying to address these one at a time. I am catching up, but there is a beginning to be a noticeable echo in my piggy bank. (received water shut-off notice (fixed), home foreclosure hearing notice (I think/hope this is just a crossed mail path problem as I am caught up on this) I also just received a notice that the business owes IRS about 5k in taxes from 2008 (I hadn't seen this before - (I am thinking of crying in the IRS agents office - seems like a good plan, right? IRS will be sympathetic.... thoughts?) kidding

I am requesting equal shared physical and legal custody of the kids and a buy-out of W's equity in the house (if this works - may just have to sell (or that may be decided for us).

Just wanted to update on my sitch

other than that, I have been cycling daily road (25 mi) + some xc trails as well (this has been a lot of fun). I think I am getting confidence in my abilities to join a xc cycling group that I have been looking into.

School starts again monday for me and the kids and life goes on.

Thanks for everyone's support
Cheers!!