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Joined: May 2015
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Ditto. Ignore that nonsense.


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
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Smothy Offline OP
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h came and apologised for text today. Acting as if nothing is going on. Moving to the loo to text OW.

Said that we had no right to ask each other what we are doing.


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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Fine. Let it go. It's his problem not yours.


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
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All pleasant and wants to come out to lunch with my brother and family tomorrow, despite the fact I told him it's ok not to come.

He is insistent on acting all normal for DS. Shall I broach him on this I feel DS should know before I leave?


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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Smothy,

I really think it's high time that you put your foot down firmly on texting with the OW inside and around your house.

Why do you feel DS "needs to know" your business? What would be the benefit there?

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Smothy Offline OP
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I want to, H isn't doing in front of me per se, I just know he is. He is going to the loo regularly, 'getting things' from the kitchen other room etc. I find it hard to say anything as he isn't blatant (not today anyway) about it without him thinking I am spying on him and being controlling. One of the things he said he hated me doing. I questioned this a lot previously. (180? For me?)

I just feel DS should know before I leave as I don't want H to say anything to him Without us both being there. I don't want any untruths told to him.


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 556
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Smothy Offline OP
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NDY, I have let that go, and validated his concerns when he told me said. Said he had a bit to drink last night and was feeling 'down'.


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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Smothy,

It doesn't matter if he doesn't do it in "front" of you...it is still disrespectful to you and the children to contact the OW from your own house!!

I am pulling this quote from Toots that was posted in another thread today for you to keep in the back of your pocket for the right time.

{quote=Toots]Train gave me that advice and the first time my H said something that was clearly a lie I put my hand up and said we both know that's not true I won't be lied to and disrespected and got in my car and left. He never did it again. [/quote]

It is not controlling to put your foot down firmly and assert yourself. Assertion and putting down boundaries go hand-in-hand. A proper assertion goes like this:

"When you slip away to text away to the OW in and around our family house, I feel hurt and disrespected. This type of behavior must end immediately. No more texting or talking with the OW in and around the house because it is very rude and extremely disrespectful to me and our family."

As for DS, you cannot control what H does or does not do/say to him. Trust me, DS will come to you with questions and you'll be ready to share with him your perspective with appropriate, respectful comments.

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Smothy Offline OP
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Thank you for this, Wonka. I will keep this in mind.

H came into bedroom this morning to see if I wanted to book the restaurant for lunch with brother and family. Then ask me if I wanted a coffee. Civil and pleasant. Went downstairs to exercise. All very normal but so far apart.


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 556
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Smothy Offline OP
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H and I had a few glasses of wine and I, started off being quite pleasant when the conversation turned to OW1 and OW2. H said that he did not want me to ask anything as I was being intrusive.

Unfortunately, the STFU smoothies wasn't enough. Found out that H is in a physical relationship with OW2 as she wasn't getting any sex from her H.

h said he was lonely and it was only sex???? Revelation was what I deserved as I pushed it and asked H questions. Feeling quite numb now. Said that he didn't want me any more as me asking questions was the old Smothy he knew. Said he still feels threatened by me and we need to move on.

Feel all my DB and STFU smoothies gone to waste. Don't know what to think any more. Feel numb, really believed they were only just friends. OW2 was the friend we had a threesome with. Can't believe how this is turning out!

H has admitted to texting and sexting her but says that she is his only friend and there is no sexual relationship with her H. I called H on it and said this is an affair but he denies it as H says she will never leave her H.

What now?


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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