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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Thank you so much, Cristy!!!

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You are most welcome! Glad I could help smile


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Of everything that has happened in my year away from here, I found out ex has been treating D7 pretty crappy. I always know he was borderline emotionally abusive to me, but to our daughter, I hoped he wouldn't be. But in her therapy some things came out. He calls her an idiot like he called me. He acts like he doesn't even like her. And she feels that daddy is mean and doesn't like her at times. I had made the decision to stay out of their relationship. She wanted her dad to come to the therapist because it was the only way she felt comfortable taking to him. She didn't want me or OW there because she felt like he would get mad at us. Well, I asked him to come and he flipped out. He didn't want anyone to accuse him of anything. He said he is the way is and that's it. He went on to say negative things about her and just took the attitude he took with me. He isn't going to change and the situation is what it is. It was a heart breaking time for me. So I worked with gabby with the help of her guidance counselor and my therapist on how she can deal with this.

D7 is a strong willed little person with a strong personality. He doesn't know how to handle it and has no desire to learn how. Which he pretty much said. She also radiates love and light which he can't seem to see. And she feels everything that's going on. She even told me if he is in the shower and asks for a snack, OW won't give her one and says " wait for daddy". I asked her why she thought she said that. She told me " because she is worried that daddy will get mad at her". And she is spot on. I told the story many times of how I would stand In the grocery store staring at different brands in fear of buying the wrong one and having to hear about it.

He continues to put his sister and her kids before gabby. His sister always came way before me, he treated her like a wife more than me. He did that to me, whatever, but it hurts to see him do it to his own daughter. She sees it too. How him and his wife came to my house on Easter is a sad one, and a classic story of his daughter being out on the back burner. I haven't said a word to him about it, but it still irks me.

She had a lovely teacher in 2nd grade. Said gabby is beyond bright. Only she lacks self confidence. She's very scared to be " wrong" so she won't try instead she will raise her hand right away. She improved towards the end of the year, her grades were excellent throughout.

I'm just rambling on because I find myself a bit angry towards him. He usually doesn't something mean and selfish towards her that triggers it. I am only venting here, because I don't say a word to him anymore. I just do my best to parent D7 and not shield her from everything, but to help her deal with it. It's the best I can do. But yes, some days I want to just tell him off.

I'm not going to make this place my place to come and be bitter. Because I'm not anymore. I'm really at peace with my life and am genuinely happy and living. I'm being proactive in sustaining my own happiness.

Sometimes, I'm just a bit overwhelmed by certain situations that are never going to go away

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I did it again! Argh!

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Ginger,
I'm very sorry to read that he's still at it, i.e., not treating your daughter properly. It's verbal abuse and your daughter doesn't need to hear that stuff. She's a little girl, trying to find her way in a world where her parents live in two separate homes and dealing w/these put downs is not healthy. My question to you is this...does he even want her to come visit? It sounds to me like he doesn't want the responsibility of being a father.

Maybe you don't know this...but maybe there was some real abuse going on in his home when he was small and his sister took him under her wing to protect him, i.e., became a mother figure to him. He may still think of her that way and yes, he adores her children because they are hers and he doesn't have to be a grown up/father to them. He can see them and then walk away, no money exchanged, etc.

I feel for you and your child. Your xh will never see what he's doing because this may have been the way he was raised. I do think you are on the right track in getting her counseling and I hope one day, your xh realizes what a beautiful, talented daughter he has...but then again, this may only happen when he's on his death bed, if then.

You've come a long way and have done well. Don't allow him space in your head for too long. Keep the focus on your daughter. She needs her mom more than ever.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Originally Posted By: Ginger1
I did it again! Argh!

You do get 10 mins to edit your post, for future reference.


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Thank you Jon:) I am doing the best I can, and I allow him minimal space in my head these days.

You're observations are quite correct. I believe if certain things were different he wouldn't see her, on a regular basis, anyways. He continues because despite all of this, she idolizes him and she wants to see him. If she didn't care to see him, he probably not really stick to a set schedule and see her like once a month. He also sees her because if he didn't it would look awful on him and I think even being viewed in that light would hurt his ego too much. When he does see her it's in the "easy" times (vacation, weekends, his half a night a week when things are already done) and he surrounds himself with a bunch of people and D7 says she barely sees him. Even this weekend he gave up his night to me after not seeing her for a week (long story, but she had a great time meeting a bunch of amazing people), got her back at 3 the next day, brought her to his sisters, then went out at 8pm to play poker and sleep out, and left her with OW. D7 told me she cried and just wanted to see her dad. There is not much I can do, but she will catch on one day and probably not even want to bother seeing him anymore.

As far as his sister..... yes, you are correct there are circumstances causing them to be very close. They are a year apart, their mother is a schizophrenic which came out later in life, when they were 15 and 16, the dad was arrested, (no jail time) moved in with his GF and left a 15 and 16 year old alone in the house (the mom and older sister moved to AZ) and only came home on the weekends. It was party central, and yes, they had to rely on each other. I get it. But his daughter should always come first. I didn't come even close to first, I knew it, I put up with it, and only said something ONCE.

I am so grateful I am no longer in that marriage. I just hate to see D7 treated the same way. And as far as abuse? I don't think anything physical at all, but he treats her crappy, pretty sure from what I hear, treats OW crappy, and sometimes OW protects D7. I thought about speaking with her, but I know she will not speak of him, because he will flip, and she won't want to lose him.

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anyways, it just felt good to get off my chest. he's doing a whole bunch of other selfish stuff, but I don't want to b!tch about it. The list just goes on and on. All stuff that hurts her. I'm left trying to figure out how to have the least damaging impact on her, while not covering for his butt all the time.

and Cadet, my friend, I hit edit within no more than 3 min!

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Well, he is what he is. My ex often drives me a little nutty with her selfish antics but, on the positive side, she does love them and shows that side too. The world just ain't perfect and D7 will have to get along with what she's got...and she's got something pretty good in you! Just be there for her and help her to navigate without becoming her attack dog lol. Remember, children will also play off one parent against the other sometimes in these situations. Mine used to tell me the bad stuff their mother did to them...and then tell her the bad stuff I did lol. The secret is to stay calm and react in a thought out manner...which it sounds like you're doing. Hey, what happened with the promising Match guy?


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"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White
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She is perfect as is. We (her other dads) really love her to pieces. She put a little candle of love and hope in our lives. She is special. Nothing wrong with her at all.

And you? You need to live. You ex is an idiot f...him. dont waste your energy on him.

G live it....hard


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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