WAW two months ago from a 15 year marriage. She petitioned for divorce and I have 30 days to respond. children .... So LOST.. Relief to anger to confusion.. In hindsight I Was not the best husband, in some regard, but the threat of divorce truly TRULY woke me up. Contact is minimal and brief.. Suspect a possible EA, but unsure if that is my own issue. Is it ok to ask? If it were the case I would likely concede.. Don't know... Have done nothing crazy yet like beg or plead yet.. Just sent way too many cards... DR on the way.
Needing some concrete advice.. Your work is cut out for you.. Give me a next step. I understand self help (activities / exercise / be happy) but I believe if I do nothing the marriage ends!
Last edited by Cadet; 07/31/1504:08 PM. Reason: per user request
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Ilynot Saw an earlier post from you.. Believe my situation is almost identical to yours. What worked for you and / or relationship? Stopped with the letters 9 days ago. Suspect ea because of odd conversations we had prior to her leaving.. Don't know.. Likely could be paranoid... I am curious to hear back from you and others. Seems like the advice centers around cutting off contact and focusing on yourself??? Thanks for the prayers...
In hindsight I Was not the best husband, in some regard
Can you go in to a little more detail on this? What are W's motivating factors for petitioning for D? What is your current living situation? Have you talked with a L?
Originally Posted By: Glove
Suspect a possible EA, but unsure if that is my own issue. Is it ok to ask?
What do you think W's response would be if she is? W's response if she isn't? Is there really anything to gain by asking?
Originally Posted By: Glove
Give me a next step. I understand self help (activities / exercise / be happy) but I believe if I do nothing the marriage ends!
Yes, a big part of this is GALing and limiting contact to W. Another piece is W most likely expects you to do x, y and z given the situation. If you instead do a, b and c, this changes the dynamic.
You wrote that DR is on the way. Once you get it, make it your guide to a playbook. Determine your path and work on it. Too many people come here looking for easy answers at the start. It takes work.
And you have to accept that there are no guarantees other than this shall pass. It may end with M being restored; it may end in D. The only thing you control is you, so become a better you out of this.
me: 45 W:45 M 20 years T 22 years S14, S13, S11, D9 BD 2/28/14 D papers served 3/3/14 I moved out 3/15/14 MC start 4/2/14 I moved in 6/2/14 D suit withdrawn 6/30/14
Hi. Sorry you are here. My best piece of advise is to listen to what vets tell you and read. Read everything youc an get your hands on. It helps a lot. It gives you guidance and strength
We are all here for you. This is the best support you could ever get anywhere
Me 44 H 46 3 DD 22, 18, 15 1 DS 2.5 M 10/1992 BD1 2/2014 BD 2 7/19/2014 Moved in with OW 7/20/2014
Too many times I focused on my needs & wants. She was set aside and sacrificed a lot. She talked to me and it didn't matter enough for me to change. I deserve to be where I am. It is so true that an imminent divorce brings people out of the fog. I see it so clearly now and would love the chance to make it right and know that I could. Don't think I am going to ask about the ea... Way too risky
It is hopeful to see your in your signature that it turned around for you all.
