M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Its been a few weeks since I contacted the attorney and stbx was supposed to go in to meet.like I predicted, no word and I'm pretty sure he never went. We've been friendly and he let's it go. I'm going to push for it. I'm contacting her tomorrow. I need it over to truly move on. I'm also really mad because my kids asked that he not have his girlfriend over for the weekend when they are there period that lasted two weeks and she's here. I'm sure she does not care what my kid wishes does't, comes anyway and he doesn't say anything. H probably doesn't day kids don't want her there. I don't get it how she can be so desperate to drive 3 hours every other weekend to be up here and he does not go there to see her.She had 2 young kids herself. I feel bad for my kids I told them that if they wanted me to pick them up I would and maybe then he would listen to them. But they never want to hurt his feelings. They don't care about mine they just care about his. She ruined our family but that doesn't matter. I'd rather see him with someone else.
Last edited by NotAgainPlease; 08/14/1502:44 AM.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I'm not surprised to come here and read that nothing has been done with regards to the lawyer, etc. They get miffed and state that they are going to do something and then it is swept under the rug in many instances. Your h is content w/the way things have been going...so why would he rock the boat?
The ow is "madly" in love w/your h, i.e., and wants a getaway to spend time w/him. She probably thinks he's so busy can't get away, so she comes to him or maybe the people in her life do not know about him and she wants to keep it that way. There could be all kinds of reasons why she would drive 3 hours to visit w/him.
I'm sorry about the visiting arrangements and she's there. He's not going to say anything to ruffle the ow's feathers. I hate to say this...but until she's out of his life, she's going to be there and either the kids don't go when she's there or they will have to find a way to deal w/her presence there. I know...it's not fair, but she's a part of his life right now and unfortunately, he's spineless won't say anything to her. BTW, he'll listen to what the kids say, but will tune it out the next time she comes to town.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Job, yes, I do expected him not to do anything about the divorce. It's funny I really don't think it's about money, like my girlfriend tells me because he pays me the agreed support and I have the house and we split everything already, which isn't much because he didn't want anything.
As far as the girlfriend, she has introduced him to her kids, they call him Uncle M. Her family does know about stbx but her ex h supposedly is a little violent and she keeps him away from her house I guess. Although he has been there. As far as "madly in love" I think that's an understatement. She comes up here he works all day, does kids things in the evening( mostly with her sitting at home), and goes back to work in am. She has to be madly in love to see him in the evening for the few hours while he's awake because he goes to bed early. He's used to getting up for on his 3 days or 4 days on at work. I asked stbx if he was bringing her to my S 15 football game Saturday and he said no. So again she's up here to sit in this house while he is out doing whatever. I don't think she'll ever give up her hold on him. And why would he want her to if she just sits around and hangs out and wait for him? It's just like being married to him except when he's with the kids I was with him lol. I found out that gf was following my d 15 on Pinterest so I blocked her. Then she changed her photo to one oh her and stbx. thinking. Was going to bother me lol. To my surprise I felt nothing just thinking it was a bad picture of my stbx lol. I do have to say I looked at her Pinterest page and she has many many posts of being in love, wjat love is , and things about long distance relationships how they're hard but they work and it's worth every minute. Lol
You are correct he is content the way things are and nothing will ever change. I am going to contact the attorney today and get it started because I know he thinks I will never do that. Wrong watch out here I come. I don't expect that to change anything with us but I need to finalize this and move on. I can't say I would never want to reconcile my stbx because deep down I do still love him but it's time to move on.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
NAP, I didn’t realize your kids are 15 already. They must be very good kids to say that they don’t want to reject their Dad and hurt his feelings. You should be proud of them and yourself. There must be something you are doing to set a good example for them.
As for the ow being “madly in love”… I don’t know… After reading about her abusive h, I think that she is just the type of person who would cling to anyone who doesn’t abuse her. She will probably try to hold on for as long as she can. I don’t know about your H though… He might get tired of this eventually.
I can relate to you feeling nothing and thinking about the bad picture of your H. I had similar moments. I still think that I’m going to be hurt at first, if I see some romantic pictures of my H with some OW, since I didn’t have to experience this yet. But, I think I will get over it pretty quickly. I hope…
I admire your determination to finalize this and move on. I have to do this at some point too, as my H seems to be in the same “happy” mood as yours, thinking that this will last forever…
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Thank you for the kind words. Yes I have great kids and they love us both equally even so they know what happened with their dad and his gf. I might have confused you by saying her ex H is violent. Not towards her although he like my stbx is an alcoholic. I don't believe he ever was abusive to her. He just is not the greatest guy I guess. I guess my d 15 told my stbx today that she was going to stay at her girlfriends tonight because he had his gf there and said he told her that he wouldn't bring her around anymore and she's here. I guess he didn't say anything when she said that. I did find out that she drove the kids to school this morning. and went school shopping today for school supplies. I told the kids that was nice but I will be donating them to the school and buying them myself because I am their mother not her. I didn't need to see the notebook that she bought them everyday to be reminded of her. My daughter gets it but my son unfortunately doesn't. Which is funny because he was the one stole the number out of his dads phone and texted her messages to stay away from his dad. I know it's difficult for them and as far as stbx getting tired of it I don't know but you think that someday she would being the one who always had to make the effort to see him. I just need it to be over so I'm going to be the one that has to finalize the divorce I guess. Who knows maybe it will shock him into reality. I doubt it though. He seems pretty content who wouldn't to have somebody just do whatever they want and you be able to do what you want to do. Lol
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I really can't understand how someone who you've been in a relationship with for 20 years can be as cruel as they are, to bring the GF to my sons football game and tell me to get over it and move on and I should not care. Really? I know it will never happen but why can't the people who hurt us so bad ever feel the pain they have inflicted on us? It is just not fair. Yeah just move on like that like you just don't feel anything anymore. oh and I emailed the attorney to find out if he had contacted her and what the status was.
Last edited by NotAgainPlease; 08/16/1503:37 AM.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Just catching up with your situation. The tarot reading sounds fascinating, amazing the accuracy of some of her comments.
Personally, I think he is hurting a ton which is why he lashes out at you. However, you didn't cause his hurt and you can't fix his hurt. He is just upset that his life and his emotions are so out of control and he has no skills to fix them. It does feel unfair to be his target for the lack of fulfilment in his life. Continue to lead your life with honesty, openness and integrity - you will know that it really isn't you causing his anger and chaos.
Make sure you are ready for the divorce and not just doing it to "force his hand". I am still working thru this one. On one level I am ready to move on. On another level I want to shake him awake. I don't understand how so many of our mutual friends state with certainty that if he does this, he is going to regret this one day. Why can't he see this?!?
I admire what a great job you are doing with the kids. My D15 is getting frustrated with her dad and not taking his calls/texts. I know part of this is normal teenage behaviour. Teenagers start to seek more independence and use their peer group to help give them independence and support.
Keep inching the divorce along if it feels right. Slow down and take w breath if you need to.
H: 48 Me: 47 Married: 19 yrs T: 20 yrs 2 teen-Ds and S H-MLC (started 2012) and H-Unemployed (11/2014) D-Bomb: 2/2015 H left country but hasn't moved out: 7/2015 I filed: 7/2015
Yes, the tarot cards trading was very interesting. I've never done it before. I would like to try it again to see what they say and if they match up. Kind of wish they would have said it's over don't try move on. Yes he goes back and forth one nice day, one mean and nice again..He has always tried to get along after an argument I do have to say. According to him and from what he said in the beginning he had no plans to bring her to the game until my S15 said she could come when I said I wasn't going. I know he likes her. She's nice he said. He's obviously forgotten...my bad for thinking he wouldn't! As far as a divorce yes I am doing it to shock him, but also it's time to finish it. Maybe that will help me move on as well. I just do not like him telling me to move on and get over it like you're just supposed to flip a switch. he never experienced the pain that we do. I truly believe he will never want to reconcile. he shows none of the signs that he did the first time we split up seven years ago actually now 9 years ago. my great working with teens is a whole nother bag of worms. It's funny that my d 15 now who has always been pro dad, is not wanting to be around him when she is there. I'm sure that is murder and jealousy and not for me lol Thank you for taking the time to read my sitch!
Last edited by NotAgainPlease; 08/16/1503:07 PM.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I guess stbx never went to attorney like I thought and she never responded to my request of an update....
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
