I have been at this a whole year this week, things have gone from good to bad very slowly yet fast, its been a whole year since BD...
Within that year, I have done many things I would not think possible!
So far no word or text from WW, oh well, life goes on =)
Like you I found this forum about a year after BD ... 9 months after W left. So I started learning, more importantly changing, these changes were small and subtle at first but over time. By the time I came here W was totally in love with OM and ready to start her new life once she got rid of that pesky H she never loved. Small changes would happen, I can say that after I DB'd effectively (not 100% but ... mayb 70-80%) I seen her 'on the ropes' and confused off and on. The A ran its course .. still took some time but she finally decided the changes in me were worth the risk for her to drop the D. Still was 4 months after that till I seen her actually trying to change and in a way she is currently DBing me.
Do not put timelines on things ... do the work .. not for her. For you.
Hey Caliguy, I know what you mean, I have no idea how far along I am or not, it doesn't really matter I guess, all I know is that we are both Dbing each other as far as detaching, short responses, no R talks, hugs like neighbors, etc.
Kinda pathetic but it is what it is.
I will keep PMAing and GALing as hard as it is since they are always on our minds, we have to.
I have been at this a whole year this week, things have gone from good to bad very slowly yet fast, its been a whole year since BD...
Within that year, I have done many things I would not think possible!
You can encourage others who may think this is a short run. Remember, she has to work her stuff out, which may take another year. In the meantime, your continue to do things you once thought impossible.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You can encourage others who may think this is a short run. Remember, she has to work her stuff out, which may take another year. In the meantime, your continue to do things you once thought impossible.
Yes, thank you Sandi2, this definitely takes time, patience, prayer, and determination to be the best YOU can be!
Baby steps will get you there. There will be bumps, then more bumps along the way but focus, gain control and keep going, and whatever you do don't look back, the past is just that!
Im starting this thread since I know a lot of us would like to send a message or email, etc. to our WW, so feel free to share the message you would like to send BUT WILL NOT!!
Dear WW, I can’t believe you decided to leave and break up our family the way you did and lose all contact with me, we miss you so much, you have no idea what this has done to us all, we continue to pray for you to find god and to lead you back to us, but until then, I must do what is necessary for me and my kids to be safe and happy, whenever you are willing to talk, I am here for you.
WTH are you thinking? You may have your mom fooled into believing that you did not cheat and are not cheating but nobody else is fooled! You think once your kids find out about what you're doing they will be ok? You think that they will be "upset" for a bit but then get over it? Give your head a shake!! Your selfish actions are affecting me, your kids, our families, and our friends. You think other people we have known were idiots for cheating but you are not?
I hope one day you will come to realise that I was not the source of your unhappiness. That I cannot fulfill you emotionally. You need to find what is missing within yourself and nobody else can do that for you. I hope you and your mother will be very happy together
I loved you more than words are able to say, all the thigns I did (the laundry the shopping, the getting you food when you craved things, the cleaning, takign care of the kids while you have been sick has all been done out of LOVE. I'm sorry I didn't show you love in the way you wanted me too but all the thigns I did do were done out of LOVE not out of friendship. I'm so sorry that I didn't fulfuill your needs but I know you made the choice to go over the boundaries of our marriage with him and I know you know it was wrong to lie abotu a trip and run to see him 7 hours away. AND I know that guilt of our son breaking his arm while you were out on your little trip is killing you inside but you can't talk about it to ANYONE except the A guy. I know that you made the choice not to come home right away to be there for his surgery.
