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Rouky Offline OP
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Had a bit of a weird day. Saw my IC who told me that she was proud of me and that was our last session. She feels she can't help me no more as she feels have improved a lot and I'm more aware of my needs. She reckons I'll never go back to my old one. To be fair, I don't want too!

I also felt the need to write down a letter to my best friend. Just wanted to thank her for being there and that I love her. I cried when I was writing it, but I wanted to write to her.

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My kids are away for a week with him, and before I'd have been worried but not anymore. I just realised that no matter what he'd do, I'd contradict him because it wasn't how it should be done ( well according to my standards). I have to trust him as they are his kids too.

For your question if he is a good dad. I think he is and with our situation he has been given another chance, and I hope he seizes if.

We have spoken about D 3 months ago and he said he doesn't want one. He also said that maybe in 1 or 2 years time we might be back together but no guarantee. As it is said here don't believe what they say, only actions count. I'm detaching myself and I guess to him it comes across as I don't love him or care anymore ( which is far from the truth).

I don't know if him being in touch with me everyday is a sign or not . When the girls call the speaker is always on, whereas when I'm with my family each girl has a private talk with their dad. Once they both have spoken to me, he speaks a bit but nothing more. Only time will tell.

Sorry to sound a bit stupid Shotgun but why are you filing for divorce? If she really wants out, shouldn't she be filing for it instead of you?

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Crying while writing this. Just went to check out of curiosity OW social page, and found out she blocked me. This happens the same time as H left to go on holidays with kids.

I'm so upset, why would she do that now as according to H they aren't together. Can't believe I have been so foolish to believe I could save my marriage! I can't believe how bad it hurts! Like I have been stabbed again.

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Thinking of you Rouky. You are not foolish you are hopeful. If it didn't hurt you would be like your husband. It is so hard to let go of expectations and detach. I am struggling with that as well. Stay the beautiful person that you are and know how many people out here care and love you. Be thankful for the wonderful children that you have and cherish each moment with them. Will check on you later.


M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
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Rouky Offline OP
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Don't feel beautiful at all now. I'm back to square one. What the OW has that I don't? Why couldn't he tell me that he has or had fallen in love with someone else? Why couldn't he have simply said I don't love you anymore?

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Originally Posted By: Rouky
What the OW has that I don't?


Nothing but scuzzyness. Don't for a second compare your value to her. I know those feelings are natural, I had them with W and OM also. OW is a very bad band-aid for H's own problems, it has nothing to do with you. I understand its hard to accept that, but its the truth.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Fogg #2592654 07/29/15 11:25 PM
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Rouky Offline OP
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Have calmed down now. Just realised that if he is back with her nothing I can do, and maybe it's better this way. Who would want to take back someone that has cheated on you for so long!

I know I'm high on emotions now, but was wondering if it'd be good for H and I to sit down with the kids (7&5 years), and tell them that mummy and daddy are getting divorced and why.

I'm being harsh but I want him to tell his kids the real truth why they're growing up without the two of us. I want him to face his responsibility and tell them that he screw someone else! I know it sounds like revenge but I won't settle for because mummy and daddy don't getting on! Too right we don't get own because you destroyed your family by having an affair!

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Got his phone bill letter sitting here for a week now. Have been tempted to open it, and very strongly yesterday and this morning but I'm resisting the urge.

Gosh it's so hard. I thought 4 months since H is out, I'd feel better and it'll be easier. Nope never mind.

A new day, new hope :-)

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Question: I still get his mail, should I redirect them? At the moment he is staying with at a friend's house.

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I have read few threads saying to LBS not to leave the house. Why is that?
I kicked H out a month after DB and because he was back with her for two weeks, when he knew that it'd happen to him if he was back with OW.

Have I done it wrong? I can't go back, but looking back now those 4 weeks when he was home were really hard on me, and TBH having him out of the house has given me the space and time I needed.

I think he wanted to leave but never had the courage to do it as he walked out on his first child, so in a way he pushed me to make the decision for him. From what I have learnt, everyone else has made decision for him, so I guess in my case I did the same, and I can see why it was easy for him as there is no guilt from him to leave his kids, I'm the baddy and the hysterical one!

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