On my end it has nothing to do with making anybody jealous. I don't know how she would react as she does know the history and was ok with it before but XF isn't the person she was before?
As far as her finding out, I'm not planning on advertising it persay. But I won't lie about it either. I am a stand up honest person and would tell the truth. The only reason I am concerned that she may find out is the small town I live in. You can't fart around here without everybody knowing...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I think it will make your W jealous, but it will be an angry jealous. It's just something about "returning" to old flames that cuts. "I knew he never got over her. He's had a thing for her all the time we've together.........yada......yada". You won't see it that way, but your W could b/c that is how we are wired. If you were to take a new lady to dinner, it would make your W jealous, but maybe the kind that would cause her to see you are available and she's the one who put you back on the market.
My concern is that you and old flame are both hurt, needing an ego shot, and extremely vulnerable. Can you say, "Hello one night stand", or better, "Hello, rebound"?
I'm not telling you what to do, but I see this as a potential pothole in the road back home. It's your decision.
Wait..........she is not your W? She is XF? So the engagement is broken and M called off?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
This is a perspective I was looking for! Just how it would "look" if word gets out.
Sandi, yes we were not married. Together 7 years, got engaged and now we are not engaged.
I will give you a little more background due to the fact my other 3 threads are hiden at this point.
We had lots of stressors in life lately -a close family member of mine passed away -a close friends home burned to the ground and that brought back bad memories for me. In 98' that friend and I were supposed to be at a cabin party. It burned overnight killing 11 people. All of them friends. - our son spent a weekend in the hospital -her and my mom had some disagreements/arguments -mutual friends sticking their nose where it didn't belong - she started a new job late last year which is really tough on her physically
Early this year I got my "wake up call". She claimed I was too distant and didn't show enough affection, spend enough time at home. Also complained that we weren't engaged. When I wasn't home I was always at work trying to make the next dollar but I see now that wasn't right. So I immediately changed and became the stereotypical overbearing idiot trying to make good on all my faults. Everything seemed to be going good so I bought a ring. Proposed Mother's Day weekend and she said yes. Next morning she was sitting looking at the ring crying and said it finally hit her that her mom would not see her get married.(mom passed in a car wreck about 13 years ago. She went to counseling shortly after we got together but quit going. She said it wasn't working but it came out now that they were getting into the really deep stuff that she felt hurt to bad to talk about. Mom was playing her dad almost like I'm being treated now.). Shortly there after she gave the ring back and moved out a few weeks later.
I'll leave this up until you have a chance to catch up and then ask cadet to kindly remove it from sight...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I've been thinking and there is actually one more thing I would like to add for sandy. I have now realized that this all was set into motion when S4 was born. I was scared about finances so I took on lots more work. At the time when she needed me the most. Over time I felt like I was just a fixture in the house and all her attention was on our child. I was a pushover about it and never said anything thinking that her attention should all be on S4, but I think I distanced myself even further without even knowing myself? She kept that to herself until the eye opener early in the year. Then it all came out that she felt alone raising S4 and I was never there... On my side I saw everything we did as a family as normal. Dad puts in long hours to be able to afford all the nicer things in life. I only saw the fun vacations, trips to amusement parks, that kind of thing. She saw the dirty laundry, dishes, doctors appointments.
She claims to have dropped "hints" over the years but I was to blind to see them apparently. I did ask why she wouldn't have just flat out said something and she replied that she didn't think it would change.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I don't know that much about laws and common law marriages. Did the two of you consider yourselves in a MR?
If the law does not see you as M, then technically you are free. I don't think that fact would prevent getting angry over you seeing an old flame, however. You just have to consider if it's worth it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
We were exclusive since the beginning. Common law was done away with years ago in our state. we had a baby by accident, then bought a house and figured marriage would come along... I know it's backwards but we did what we had to do at the time. I do know I'm free to do whatever I want it's more of a matter if it could hurt my situation I don't want to do it.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I've been thinking and there is actually one more thing I would like to add for sandy. I have now realized that this all was set into motion when S4 was born. I was scared about finances so I took on lots more work. At the time when she needed me the most. Over time I felt like I was just a fixture in the house and all her attention was on our child. I was a pushover about it and never said anything thinking that her attention should all be on S4, but I think I distanced myself even further without even knowing myself? She kept that to herself until the eye opener early in the year. Then it all came out that she felt alone raising S4 and I was never there... On my side I saw everything we did as a family as normal. Dad puts in long hours to be able to afford all the nicer things in life. I only saw the fun vacations, trips to amusement parks, that kind of thing. She saw the dirty laundry, dishes, doctors appointments.
She claims to have dropped "hints" over the years but I was to blind to see them apparently. I did ask why she wouldn't have just flat out said something and she replied that she didn't think it would change.
So this is quite common with a WAS. I could even say it about an LBS or myself. At a certain point you do not think the other spouse or person will ever change. I will say though when you got married or got together in your sich you more than likely never thought things could change to where they are now. They could change again is really my point. Right now they need time and space. You need to be the BEST DAD you can possibly be and let things go from there.
I think you probably are not emotionally ready, especially discussing your personal stitch with a former GF.....and knowing she's free also.
FYI, the WW doesn't want her position in your life to be replaced with any OW. That's why her anger will flare if she learns you've taken out another woman. As usual, the WW's POV is not logical or fair.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Ok, I appriciate both of you stopping by to give me a veteran outside opinion. Most of the day today after thinking about possible repercussions I was leaning towards blowing off the old flame. I see how it would look even if nothing happens, which I wouldn't leave happen. But how do I prove that to be true if it causes friction...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I actually feel kinda stupid now even considering that could have ended well for anybody!?!? I have very good self control when it comes to that kind of thing but it would have looked terrible
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
