XW wants lunch with me and...........OM

[tadpole1025]

Ug.....

Hello everyone. My last thread can be found here:

Really Random Ramblings

It seems like every time I am almost ready to say goodbye to this board, something comes up. Here we go:

Yesterday, S29 comes over and tells me that he is going to be getting married in April or May.

I've always known that my boys will all be getting married someday and I'd be attending their weddings with XW and OM in attendance. I've accepted that and am ok with that but.....

He then informs me that he is probably going to have the ceremony and XW's house!!!! Apparently. XW is ok with it. Matter of fact, she wants to have a couple of lunches before that with me and OM to "clear the air."

Please tell me that it is ok for me to not want to participate. I don't want lunch with her or the douchebag OM and I surely don't want to go to her house.

I don't know what surprises me the most, the fact that S29 thought it would be ok or the fact that XW wants me at her house. Hell, at one point I wasn't even allowed to have her address.

WHAT THE BLOODY HELL????

S29 also stated that when he told XW he was getting married, she just shrugged it off and started talking about herself again. He even said, "It's all about her."

No sh!t.

Anyways, I told him I would go to the wedding, but not at XW's house. So....I may not be going to my own son's wedding unless it is at a different venue.

Am I wrong?

Tad

[Sotto]

Hi Tad - Yucky!! Well, I certainly wouldnt sign up for the 'clear the air' lunches. And perhaps say to your S - hey, have whatever wedding you want, but I gotta tell you - I truly dont feel comfortable being in attendance at a function hosted by your Mom & douche bag at their house...

great plan with the league - 'regular GAL' the best kind!

:-)

[kml]

Generally, I would say at a wedding, it's the divorced parents' job to suck it up and not place a burden on their kids. Nonetheless - expecting you to go to a wedding at her house does seem a bit much.

Since it's obvious he doesn't want it there because mom is so supportive - what exactly IS the reason for your son's choice? Does she live in a palatial mansion? Is there no other free venue available? Did mom offer to pay for the wedding if they had it there?

I think it's entirely reasonable to tell son that you want to be at his wedding and that it's important to you, but that particular choice of venue is especially painful for you - then suggest some other options.

If it turns out this IS the only good free option - then I would buck up and go.

And me personally, I wouldn't want to spend an uncomfortable lunch with ex and her husband. I'd just reassure them that you won't misbehave - and then line up some totally hot chick to be your date

(Btw, I recently had a somewhat similar situation - my oldest son's college graduation party, held at my ex's house. He's remarried to an 18-years younger woman. Luckily for me, she is NOT the OW - they didn't start dating until about a year after we split. And I try not to hold the fact that she's Asian against her (my ex had an affair with an Asian woman, but really, that's not his current wife's fault, is it?).

Anyway, since I have nothing against her personally, that does make it better. But I'm still so angry at my ex for the ways he has not helped our kids since the divorce, I found I really could not stand to be around him. I made sure to be at opposite sides of the party at all times, and the one time he came and sat down near me I immediately found someone across the yard that I had to go talk to. It was awkward but I put on a sociable face for my kid - AND it didn't hurt to show up with my tall, dark and handsome boyfriend either

You have a long time to prepare, so make it your mission to have at least a good friend who can accompany you when the time comes.

[Cristy]

Ug.....

Hello everyone. My last thread can be found here:

Really Random Ramblings

It seems like every time I am almost ready to say goodbye to this board, something comes up. Here we go:

Yesterday, S29 comes over and tells me that he is going to be getting married in April or May.

I've always known that my boys will all be getting married someday and I'd be attending their weddings with XW and OM in attendance. I've accepted that and am ok with that but.....

He then informs me that he is probably going to have the ceremony and XW's house!!!! Apparently. XW is ok with it. Matter of fact, she wants to have a couple of lunches before that with me and OM to "clear the air."

Please tell me that it is ok for me to not want to participate. I don't want lunch with her or the douchebag OM and I surely don't want to go to her house.

I don't know what surprises me the most, the fact that S29 thought it would be ok or the fact that XW wants me at her house. Hell, at one point I wasn't even allowed to have her address.

WHAT THE BLOODY HELL????

S29 also stated that when he told XW he was getting married, she just shrugged it off and started talking about herself again. He even said, "It's all about her."

No sh!t.

Anyways, I told him I would go to the wedding, but not at XW's house. So....I may not be going to my own son's wedding unless it is at a different venue.

Am I wrong?

Tad

Tad,

Hopefully it will be a long engagement so that your son and his bride will find another suitable option. After all, your son did say "It's all about her" Perhaps the gift of time will serve your son & his fiance well.

Did you see Michele's FB post today? It is "Before You Tie the Knot"

Check it out!
Cristy

[Cadet]

Did you see Michele's FB post today? It is "Before You Tie the Knot"

Check it out!
Cristy

Here it is on DB now - Thanks Cristy!

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...287#Post2592287

[tadpole1025]

Thanks.

Christy, I haven't read the article yet, but will check it out.

I forgot to mention, S29 also wants his brothers in the wedding. S24 also wants no part of it if it is at XW's. There is definitely a rip in the family.

As for the wedding. I believe they are thinking about having it there because it is a free venue. I'll do all it takes to find another one if I have to.

I am NOT going to lunch and I am NOT going to the wedding at XW's house. Period. I can suck it up somewhere else, but not there.

There is nothing that would keep me from any of my son's weddings except.....

It's the worst possible scenario. Only me...

[kml]

Some ideas for other free - or - low-cost venues:

City parks and beaches
Elks Club halls or similar
Some friends' apartment/condo complexes may have a clubhouse that can be rented
Other friends or families homes

Maybe others here have other creative ideas.

[123Gwen]

I think that is asking entirely too much of anyone too soon. Perhaps if you both were happily remarried and OM was not the 3rd person in your marriage. Perhaps if several years had passed...

Stay strong. You are doing well to set your boundary.

[Sotto]

Tad, might it be an option for you to help with the cost of funding a modest venue for the wedding?? And maybe come up with a couple of other potential options for them to consider?

[Ginger1]

Tad,

I'm going to have a bit of a lengthly post to you, but I really, really want you to hear me out.

First, I understand how you are feeling, COMPLETELY. I feel your pain, and I know what must be going through your mind. I lived this, probably to a greater extent, and I want to share my story and opinion before you make this decision.

My ex left me for OW when our daughter was 6 months old. I found later, that the cheating began in my pregnancy, my pregnancy that was on some levels a miracle. He left me at a time I was forming a bond with my daughter for this woman, brought her into our D's life almost immediately, and went onto marry her by the time our D was 3. I actually did not meet OW until after they were married. I didn't do it until I absolutely had to. My ex had surgery, was laid up, and I had to meet to exchange my D with her. Soon after that we had our first event together when my daughter graduated preschool.

I was about the most resistant person to OW. She was a homewrecker who stole family. I hated her with everything I had. But reality was, as long as they stayed together, she was going to be a part of my daughters life forever. And at this point, honestly, even if they divorced, and I'd never believed I would say this, I'd keep her in my daughter's life, even if he didn't.

My D7 has lots of events. she's in cheerleading and dance, and I know I have to see her at her games and recitals. Would I ever ever miss any of these events because she is there? OMG no! That would be the worst thing I could do to my daughter and myself. The wedding, the first baby..... we will all be there.

You actually have a gift in all of this. Your kids are grown. Wedding and grandkids are the only things you have to share. I desperately urge you not to miss your son's wedding even if it is held at her house. Then she wins, and you and your son lose. Lose out on one of the biggest days of your son's life. You cannot hand that power over to her. It is really not worth it in the least.

However, there is no reason for you to have lunch with the both of them. Or even talk to OM if you really don't want to. I do agree that if this is a financial reason that your son is choosing your ex's home, you can explain it makes you feel uncomfortable, explore other options with him, or offer to help financially. But if there is no other option, I really would urge you not to miss your son's wedding.

Why let them take really important special life events away from you and your son? Why give them that much power?

I say this all, because I have and am currently living it, and probably will be for the rest of my life, and I'd be dammed if those two ever take away precious moments in my my life and my daughter's life.

[job]

Tad,
Everyone has given you good advice. They aren't getting married until next year and a lot could happen during the year. Your future DIL may decide a bit later on that she wants the wedding elsewhere. There have to be some inexpensive venues in your area that would do nicely...but again, it's a year away and things can change.

I know you don't want to go to your xw's house for the wedding, but you have to keep in mind, this is your son's wedding and he wants you there. If you don't go, it will put a damper on the festivities for him and his further wife and you will regret not participating in his wedding.

If, and I mean if, they do hold the wedding there, you can go, mingle w/family and friends, i.e., put in an appearance, and if you don't want to stay, then leave Nothing says you have to roll out the red carpet and kiss your xw's feet. You can be cordial, i.e., smile, nod or whatever and continue mingling.

Tad, there comes a time when we have to sometimes bite the bullet and do things that we do not want to do for the sake of our children. There are going to be a lot of different activities that will involve both you and your xw and her husband over the years to come.

Tad, anything can happen in a year. Try to keep an open mind on this matter for now. Life is too short to worry about something that is a year away.

[Cadet]

FTR we will both be going to a wedding around the same time,
my sons is scheduled for fathers day next year too.

What a fathers day present!

I guess I am just in a different place as I don't really care what ex does as long as my kids are happy!

[job]

Tad,
And one more thing...you are not under any obligation to have lunch w/your xh and her husband. If she wants to discuss the wedding, then she should be discussing it w/your son and his new bride to be. After all, you aren't the one that is walking the bride down the aisle.

If she wants to discuss what the expenses of the wedding, again, this should be directed to your son and his new bride to be. Now, the rehearsal dinner may be another story as the Groom's family usually takes care of that...but that's a year away and doesn't need to discussed at this time.

Tad, you've got this. Please don't allow this woman to ruin your relationship w/your son or future daughter-in-law.

[uRworthy]

Hey Tad. You and I go back a long way, don't we? So, I am just going to say what I feel.

While I understand how hurtful all of this was and still is, there is no way anyone or anything would keep my from my son's wedding. Ever.

Here are some of the reasons why. I love him deeply. I want him to be happy. I want to be a part of one of the most important days in his life. It's about him. I can go on, but, you get the idea.

The other thing is this, T. You are still giving her all this power over you and your life. If I were you, I would walk into that wedding looking fine with my head held high because you have nothing to be scared of or ashamed of.

What a gift that would be to your son...to show him how to deal with life's tough stuff with dignity and strength and to show him that you are ok.

The meeting in the restaurant is not necessary, though. Forget that if you cant do it.

But the wedding, Tad...you will regret it for the rest of your life. Trust me on that.

She took enough. Don't give her anymore. Not one bit more.

You can do this, my friend. Have the attitude of who cares what they are doing. Not your problem. You are there for your son who loves you and wants you there. Whatever they are doing, is on them.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks everyone.

I've given this a lot of thought and like what has already been said by some, it is still a long way off and I'm not going to worry about it now. I've got other issues to deal with at the moment like trying to get myself out of the house on my weekends and having a social life.

My "friend" at work told me to "not let her take this away" from me too. She's taken everything already.

S29 is coming over on Sunday to "discuss the wedding." I'm sure he has already told XW that I don't want to do lunch or the wedding.

It would be best for everyone if I don't do lunch. Trust me, they don't want me there. I know for a fact it wouldn't go smoothly because if we did do lunch, I will also be "clearing the air." I've got so much that I would love to say......I'd go nuts on both of them.

Going though.....I'd have to see pictures of them, all of our old furniture....it would be pretty rough.

I also wonder if XW wants it at her house just to rub things in my face. I'd bet money that she has a motive/agenda. It could also be her way of making S24 and S26 finally meet OM. So....I'm sure she has a plan.

I sure miss my little rats.

Tad

[123Gwen]

Perhaps she has a plan or maybe she just wants to be hostess. I think you are right about it being a long way off and lunch is not required. Listen to your S and be non-committed because you don't have to decide anything right now.

Hang in there.

[peacetoday]

I know how hard MLC is and how much it hurts

But I don't know how hard it must be for you to have to see your XW and OM
because my XH is still in NC

but

I think I would want to do whats best for my children and being supportive at the wedding wherever it is will support your son, his fiancee and her family.
I would also want my kids to see and know first hand I wish X the best and work on forgiveness even if I have to fake it till I make it happen
It doesn't mean I would want to be best friends with x or his wife.
but I also don't want to be tied to them by resentment
just my thoughts..but Im sure you will make the right choice
and
I wish you the best
Peace

[exquisitetobe]

tad, I can only imagine the confusion in your situation.. Like you, I would be thorn. I don' t understand your son' s choice. Money should NOT be a reason for anything, in my opinion. There is more then your xw and you in this, there are his future bride' s family as well..
I' ll give you a bit of my story.. Last week, my XH took my youngest and his current woman' s daughter and visited MY sister and brother-in-law. they walked the trails that they have on their property. HX found out about my brother' s condition ( he' s dying.matter of days now ). I felt bretrayed by my sister and yet, I, myself, kept contact with my brother' s XW. am I betraying him?? Weird.. Every situation is different and the way we look at things vary from situation to situation.

I' m in a period of confusion to.. Wish I had an answer for you and me.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Gwen, Peace and Exquisite.

The latest:

S29 informed me a couple of days ago that he is NOT getting married at XW's house after all. They've decided to have the wedding somewhere else, but still plan to have the reception at her place. So, I guess I won't be going to the reception.

When he told XW that I didn't want to go to the wedding at her place she actually said to him:

"I don't blame him."

"I don't blame him."

THIS actually surprised me. She actually doesn't blame me for not wanting to go. La-dee-da. Holy cow. The fact that she would even say that shocked me.

I also informed my son that I didn't want to do lunch. Actually, my exact words were: "She's sh*tting rainbows if she thinks I'm joining them for lunch." So, that isn't happening either.

They've decided on November for their wedding. I'm hoping I can convince him before then to have the reception somewhere else. Personally, I think this is XW's way of forcing my other two sons to meet the douchebag OM. It is an issue she has been pressing for years now and neither one of them have given in. We'll see....

As for me:

Still having trouble getting out of my house. I don't really have a problem with going somewhere to grab a bite to eat, but other than that, I can't seem to do anything. It is so difficult.

Tad

[Ginger1]

I'm sorry you are not going to your son's wedding reception. That is very sad. To miss it because of your ex and OM shows how much power they still have.

"I don't blame him" was not a sympathetic musing. It's a passive aggressive "whatever". She doesn't care whether you g or not. But I can put my money on the fact the most important person in that day, YOUR SON, does care.

Sorry to sound harsh, but you need to know this will be a decision that will affect your son, his new wife. They will remember this.

I'm not speaking out of my butt either over here. I wasn't going to let my 3 year old daughter go to my ex's and OW's wedding. By the people on these boards, I was convinced to let her go four days before. I'm glad they pushed me to it, because as awfully painful it was for me, the resentment she probably would have held for putting me before her would have been a big cross to bare.

But it's your decision and if you think are making it for the right reasons I am no one to convince you otherwise.

[Ginger1]

Oh, and I was pretty pissed at the posters who convinced me to let my daughter go to her father's wedding. Pissed even after I let her go. But today, I thank them.

[Wonka]

Tad,

Why not ask your female friend from work to go with you to the reception as a plus+1 guest? That will show XW and OMH that they have zero power over you. And you will have someone familiar with you to take the edge off from your nerves.

[LiveNow]

I like Wonka's idea, Tad. And who knows? You might have a great time, too! And that might lead to another!

[Sotto]

Hi Tad, well it's good at least that the ceremony will be elsewhere. I like the idea of asking a +1 to come with you. If you are able to attend as a former spouse who has recovered from the D and is able to be in the same room as your XW, that's a good thing.

Though, I appreciate you may not feel this would be possible. And to me that says there may be more healing to do, and how can you continue on the healing journey?

I think you were making some good progress with the GAL - baby steps - but it sounds as though the whole 'wedding business' may have set you back (understandable.) But let's get back to the baby steps in GAL. What about that bowling league you were thinking about? And do you have any more ideas to get you out of the house in a way that feels manageable, pleasant and gently social?

Hope you have a good weekend Tad :-)

[tadpole1025]

I'm sorry you are not going to your son's wedding reception.

I may still go. Just can't stand the thought of going.

Why not ask your female friend from work to go with you to the reception as a plus+1 guest?

I would love to, but she has told me that she doesn't "hang out" with friends at work more than once. I love this idea. I've got about 15 months to work up the courage.

Speaking of my "friend:" I know she likes me just by the way she acts. Others have noticed it to. We had a 9 hour I.M. conversation the other night at work. The week before that, we had a 10 hour conversation. We talk about everything. Even when we are not at work, we will sometimes message on Facebook. She thanks me all the time for making her night go by fast. I just maybe think she is afraid.....

If you are able to attend as a former spouse who has recovered from the D and is able to be in the same room as your XW, that's a good thing.

Being in the same room isn't the problem. We've been together at my son's concerts many times. The problem will be seeing OM and being IN their house. I was actually thinking earlier that I haven't actually SPOKEN to her since May 0f 2013. And that was on the phone.

I think you were making some good progress with the GAL - baby steps - but it sounds as though the whole 'wedding business' may have set you back (understandable.) But let's get back to the baby steps in GAL. What about that bowling league you were thinking about? And do you have any more ideas to get you out of the house in a way that feels manageable, pleasant and gently social?

You're 100% correct. I have had a setback. Didn't even make it to the pool on my last weekend. Haven't thought much about the bowling league since the wedding stuff came up. S29 wants to join one with me. As for other things, besides going to a bar, what do people my age do? Probably a silly question, but I'm not trying to be funny. Seriously, what do people do?

....

[dejavu2]

Perhaps they are considering putting up a big gazebo in the backyard for the reception I which case you wouldn't have to step foot in the house.
Remember a lot can happen in 15mos. Try to focus on today's facts not tomorrows "what-ifs".

[Ginger1]

So tad, the OM has so much power to have you miss your sons wedding? No way. He's an insignificant POS who is completely not worthy of you missing out on your sons biggest day of his life. You need to walk in there with confidence, and perhaps that woman on yours arm and focus on what the day is all about. Your son and his new wife. Because it isn't about you, OM, or exw. It's about them. And I'd bet not everyone is crowding in the house, it will be outside and you have no reason to go inside.

Yes, this woman clearly likes you. I'd ask her out. You did before? I can't quite remember.

And what do people your age do? Well, more like what do YOU like to do? Any hobbies? Exercise, bowling, trivia nights, darts, whatever. Find a meetup group in your area of people who share the same interests. You seem to like animals. Volunteer to help at a shelter. So many things you could be doing. Now is the time! If I had freedom to get out more often, I'd join a meetup of people who enjoy the same activities as I do.

Your are getting in your own way. I really do understand the anxiety and the feelings towards the OP. But as it stands now my biggest regrets are letting them get in the way of my own life.

[Sotto]

What a great thing to do with S29! Why not make August the month you get started in the bowling league with S. Then maybe in Sept add in another regular GAL activity and the same in Oct. If you challenge yourself to add in just one regular new thing a month, by Xmas, you'll have a much fuller life and may well be juggling dates on the calendar.

As for what can you do? Why not make yourself a list of 10 things you would love to do if you only had the confidence, motivation and time.....then make it happen.

:-)

[AJM]

So tad, the OM has so much power to have you miss your sons wedding? No way. He's an insignificant POS who is completely not worthy of you missing out on your sons biggest day of his life. You need to walk in there with confidence, and perhaps that woman on yours arm and focus on what the day is all about. Your son and his new wife. Because it isn't about you, OM, or exw. It's about them. And I'd bet not everyone is crowding in the house, it will be outside and you have no reason to go inside.

Yeah Tad, I had the same thought. The wedding is about your son not you. You're there for him, not the other way around.

As for the lunches to clear the air? Not so much. I see no reason you need to subject yourself to that unless you want to. In the end, you were there. You know what happened. You don't need "clarity" to see that.

She may need a chance to "reconcile" the past relationship. By reconcile I mean rationalize it and come to terms with the past. You loved her at some point and may want to give that to her. I'm not feeling that now is the time for that though, nor under those circumstances.

But don't let either of them stand between you and your son. Not for any reason. That would just be wrong as a parent.

AJ

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Dejavu, Ginger, Sotto and AJ.

Just checking in.

Remember a lot can happen in 15mos. Try to focus on today's facts not tomorrows "what-ifs".

True. Found out today that they aren't having a big wedding at all. They are going to have a "courthouse" wedding and just save for a real nice honeymoon. Not sure about the reception yet...

Yes, this woman clearly likes you. I'd ask her out. You did before? I can't quite remember.

Yes I did and she said that she doesn't date or even hang out with coworkers. Like I said, I get the feeling that she is afraid. I do have baggage. We have some great conversations. She is either afraid or has probably been really mistreated by someone in her past. Just a feeling, but I may be wrong.

You seem to like animals. Volunteer to help at a shelter.

I've given some thought to this and just might. I'm sort of in limbo at the moment because my schedule may be changing in the next few weeks. I've inquired about bowling leagues as well, but again, I have to wait to see what my schedule is like.

As for what can you do? Why not make yourself a list of 10 things you would love to do if you only had the confidence, motivation and time.....then make it happen.

I can work on this. Not sure if I can come up with 10, but I'll see what I can do.

As for the lunches to clear the air? Not so much. I see no reason you need to subject yourself to that unless you want to. In the end, you were there. You know what happened. You don't need "clarity" to see that.

I actually think it might do me some good to get things off of my chest, but it isn't going to happen. No thanks. Not sure I can be in the same room with her or OM. Not happening.

I'm still struggling to get out. I haven't even made it down to the pool in three weeks. I need to. I went out the other night and decided to go to the old nightclub that I used to hang out at with my radio buddies. I never made it. The further I got from home, the more nervous I got. The anxiety was the worst I've felt in a long time. I turned around and started heading home. It was strange: I wanted to hurry up and get home, but the closer I got to home, the slower I drove. I was being extra careful. Had this fear that I was going to get pulled over or I was going to get into an accident or someone or something was going to jump out in front of me. This is starting to become an issue that needs to get resolved soon or it is going to be a HUGE issue.

My confession:

I haven't disposed of my rats' cage yet. It is sitting right where it has always been. Everything is just as it was when they were alive. I can't bring myself to part with it. Treats that they had hidden are still there. I can't do it. Not yet. Is it weird that I also tell my tattoo good night every night? I have both of their remains on my nightstand. I also tell the containers that they are in good night every night as well. Sad? Yeah....and not like the old me at all. My grandmother was obviously right: I am way too sentimental.

S29 told me the other day that XW just seems angry at the world and is wound way too tight. He's right. She's angry at everything. According to him, she went from being a "scientist" to a "biologist" and now is telling everyone that she is an "ecologist." She's actually teaching middle school science at the moment, but according to S29, she's not happy with that either.....calls her students "retards" or "idiots."

Tomorrow starts my weekend. I NEED to find something to do.

Tomorrow also would have been my 30th wedding anniversary.
THIRTY YEARS. Gone.

Peace.

Tad

[tadpole1025]

Journaling:

My (what would have been) 30th anniversary came and went. They get easier, but this one was just a little rough because it was a big one - 30.

I wish I could be happy. All I want is to be happy. I have no fun and nothing to look forward to. I want to be happy more than anything. My "life" is in shambles.....not getting anywhere.

Got some good news from S29. NO part of his wedding or reception will be at XW's place. Thank God. That's one less thing that I have to deal with/worry about.

My life needs to get into high gear.....I have no life. No friends outside of work and I really don't even consider those "friends" with the exception of my lady friend. I have nobody. No family is left and no real friends. I'm starting to realize just how alone I am.

I think I might be slowly getting towards acceptance. Finally.

I did get out this weekend. Went and hung out at the casino for a while and treated myself to a nice dinner. Not really fun, but it did get me out.

Tad

[exquisitetobe]

Tad, if I may,
Acceptance is not only to accept their departure and move on but also accept your life as it is. You create your own life. Unfortunately, your x-wife doesn' t want to be part of it in the same way you do right now..
What needs to change in order for you to feel good ?? Because I garanty that if she was to come crying at your door tonight, you would be VERY reluctant in taking her in. So, it is not in relation to her !! What is it? When you find the answer, you will have reach acceptance in all it' s form and shape.

[Drew]

Tad,

You should really consider getting some professional help.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Exquisite and Drew.

I've been away for a while. Been trying to get my head straight. Just updating and shooting from the hip, but first:

Because if she was to come crying at your door tonight, you would be VERY reluctant in taking her in. So, it is not in relation to her !! What is it? When you find the answer, you will have reach acceptance in all it' s form and shape.

I'm not sure. For the most part, I think life is good. I have bad days and sometimes even bad weeks, but overall, I'm ok except for a few changes I've noticed in myself. Mostly, my love for animals and a strange desire to protect them. All of them. It's very very VERY strange. My stepbrother that I rarely talk to posted something on my Facebook page about going dove hunting back when we were kids. (Our grandfather used to take us.) I actually removed the post because I felt ashamed and didn't want anyone to know that I used to do that back when I was 10 years old. I felt terrible.

And yes, you are right. I DO NOT WANT EX BACK. Period. That "want" left long ago.

Drew, I've got mixed feelings about that. I've done it a few times in the past and wasn't really happy with it....may need to go again.

Just random stuff:

I haven't seen my "friend" at work in a while. She has been in Hawaii with her mom. She'll be back to work on Wednesday. I've kind of missed her. (Probably not good.) Her birthday is also Wednesday. I bought her a little glass handmade Penguin. That's her favorite animal. (Mine too.) She brought me a Penguin made out of stone a few months back when she went to Tucson. So, I'll give her the Penguin I got for her on Wednesday when she returns to work.

Last week on the way home from work, I was at a gas station and saw a little kitten roaming around the premises. I went back in and purchased some cat food and gave it to the cat. Two days later, I saw it dead in the road in front of the gas station. It physically made me sick. I was very sick to my stomach for about 30 minutes. (That's happened a few times.)

I've never been like this. As mentioned above, I used to hunt doves and quail and go fishing. To be honest, I just never cared. I think it is a good quality to have, but I think it is a little extreme with me.

My Arizona Cardinals are 2-0! I'm also in a fantasy league with S29. I'm also 2-0 in my league. Speaking of leagues, we are still considering joining a bowling league. Just haven't got around to it....

I've decided to actually do something for ME next summer. I'm going on a cruise. I've been thinking about going on a singles cruise or something for a while, but I've decided to take an Alaskan cruise instead. I want to see the whales.

With the exception of a restaurant here and there, I'm still not getting out. Was going to swim tonight, but it is getting cloudy and looking like rain.

I worked 60 hours this week. It was offered so I took it. I figured if I'm not going to do anything anyways, I might as well work and make some extra money.

I'm going to go for now. Just wanted to update.

Tad

[job]

Tad,
You have a good heart and the kindness you should the kitty was heartwarming. I'm only sorry that the little guy was killed the next day. Have you given any thought to possibly getting a kitten? They can be indoors and probably are no more work than what you experienced with your ratties? A kitten would be a great companion for you and they have just as much unconditional love as a rattie.

I think a cruise would do you a world of good and it would give you something to look forward to. The Alaskan cruises are great and the scenery is beautiful. You would certainly enjoy yourself.

Tad, you are going to be okay. It just takes time to dig out of the deep, dark hole. Take it one day at a time.

[exquisitetobe]

It' s good to hear from you Tad!
I am 6 yrs past BD and I have my days.. I' m wondering if it is LIFE in general or a by-product of my XH' s departure. Like you, I KNOW he is NOT welcome back in my life and therefore, I have to live the best life I can with what I have. And it is not perfect but life is good

[job]

Correction to my posting in the first paragraph:

"You have a good heart and the kindness you "showed" the kitty was heartwarming."

Sorry about the typo.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Job and Exquisite.

Have you given any thought to possibly getting a kitten?

I have thought about it, but I kind of want a little dog instead. I'm waiting until I get my own place next summer.

I am 6 yrs past BD and I have my days.. I' m wondering if it is LIFE in general or a by-product of my XH' s departure. Like you, I KNOW he is NOT welcome back in my life and therefore, I have to live the best life I can with what I have. And it is not perfect but life is good.

I agree. I think that I will forever be scarred by this, but it does get better. As Job says, it takes a long time to dig out of this deep, dark hole.

I thought today was the perfect day to start a new thread since today is the 5 year anniversary of bomb drop. It can be found here:

Five Years Ago Today

Tad

[forward]

I don't see many familiar names but yours is one. I hope things are going a bit better.

"I have no fun and nothing to look forward to. I want to be happy more than anything."

You can do this but you will have to do it yourself. What do you like to do? If you can't recall, what did you used to like to do? You can find ways to have fun again.