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Vanilla #2591671 07/26/15 11:23 PM
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little1 Offline OP
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Thanks V. After reading your replies before bed this morning I woke up feeling pretty good with a smile even though I only got 3 hours of sleep. I haven't had this feeling in a long while and I am going to build on it.

One foot in front of the other
One step at a time.
I can't change him or worry about "them". I can only do what is right for me and my children.
One way or another I will be victorious.

That is what I tell myself constantly. That's my way of starting the change.


Me 44
H 46
3 DD 22, 18, 15
1 DS 2.5
M 10/1992
BD1 2/2014 BD 2 7/19/2014
Moved in with OW 7/20/2014

My fight song "roar"
little1 #2591725 07/27/15 05:25 AM
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little1 Offline OP
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I was thinking today that he told me once that they would not last.

Have thought about this sitch much today. That was nice


Me 44
H 46
3 DD 22, 18, 15
1 DS 2.5
M 10/1992
BD1 2/2014 BD 2 7/19/2014
Moved in with OW 7/20/2014

My fight song "roar"
little1 #2591745 07/27/15 07:30 AM
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Originally Posted By: little1
Thanks V. After reading your replies before bed this morning I woke up feeling pretty good with a smile even though I only got 3 hours of sleep. I haven't had this feeling in a long while and I am going to build on it.

One foot in front of the other
One step at a time.
I can't change him or worry about "them". I can only do what is right for me and my children.
One way or another I will be victorious.

That is what I tell myself constantly. That's my way of starting the change.


A corner is turned little, the change has come.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2591759 07/27/15 10:00 AM
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little1 Offline OP
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I should have said I haven't thought about ditch much today not I have.

I have noticed that on days we meet he doesn't talk to me the rest of that day. I'm not sure why.

V. Another thing about her in your OW thing. She loves to post pictures of them and tag him in them on fb. She is not friends with anyone except dd15 so to make sure his kids and I see them she does that. I used tolove getting on fb to keep up with old friends but it seems like evrytime I do bam it's there so I don't anymore. H knows I don'tgo on much and he used to tell me, when I was, to check out pictures he put up (never with her in them). Now he sends them to me directly.


Me 44
H 46
3 DD 22, 18, 15
1 DS 2.5
M 10/1992
BD1 2/2014 BD 2 7/19/2014
Moved in with OW 7/20/2014

My fight song "roar"
little1 #2591768 07/27/15 11:22 AM
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little1 Offline OP
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One of her family members does it too that's why I asked why they seem to be happy with it. He spends time with her kids and grandkids camping and lake and all but barely sees his own because she doesn't like him coming to our house to see them. She wants the visits at her house. She has alienated his children and is proud of herself.

Just needed to vent


Me 44
H 46
3 DD 22, 18, 15
1 DS 2.5
M 10/1992
BD1 2/2014 BD 2 7/19/2014
Moved in with OW 7/20/2014

My fight song "roar"
little1 #2591819 07/27/15 02:53 PM
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Vent away

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


little1 #2591999 07/28/15 01:17 AM
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little1 Offline OP
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Today I am annoyed. Partially with myself and partially with "them". Myself because I let the "I'm so happy with my life" post she did with my h and her family get to me. Him because he seems to let it happen and not care. It's like he enjoys his family being hurt and then wants to know why they won't talk to him.

I don't know if there is anyone here that I was in my h's shoes, per say, but if there is could you answer one nagging question for me.

Did it ever occur to you, you care, have an affect on your decision, anything what this does to your children? And if in recovery, piecing, whatever, make a difference in you wanting to return? I know men and women are different in this from the stories I have read.


Me 44
H 46
3 DD 22, 18, 15
1 DS 2.5
M 10/1992
BD1 2/2014 BD 2 7/19/2014
Moved in with OW 7/20/2014

My fight song "roar"
little1 #2592074 07/28/15 08:42 AM
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little1 Offline OP
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I am a little curious about something.

Is there a thread on here or does someone know the general statics on situations like ours? Such as

gender of leaver
OW/OM?
After they leave, how long generally does it take for them to start making moves to come home?
Is there a difference if they left as opposed to being told to leave?
were there children involved when they left?
were the children part of the reason for the return?

I have no idea where this came from other that there is SO much conflicting information on the web about all of this, that I thought maybe this forum would have an answer.


Me 44
H 46
3 DD 22, 18, 15
1 DS 2.5
M 10/1992
BD1 2/2014 BD 2 7/19/2014
Moved in with OW 7/20/2014

My fight song "roar"
little1 #2592138 07/28/15 02:13 PM
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Little,

Every situation is unique and honestly, stats really don't apply because your sitch will have it's own elements. What if I said "20% come back?" Will that be palatable if you are in the 80%? I don't say that to be harsh-just truthful. I feel horrible for people when they come here and I cringe when I hear newbies say they are going to "wait out the affair." Life doesn't wait. Time continues to pass. The affair will last as long as it lasts. May be 3 month, 3 years, 13 years or 25 years. I know people who were in active affairs who are now married to each other and have been for 10 plus years. I know people who got divorced and remarried. However, you are only going around on this planet in this format one time, so I caution you to spend too much time "waiting."

Live your life. Enjoy your kids. Work on you. Your DS is very young. Regardless of what happens, you need to take care of you and your child. In regards to the question of "were the children part of the reason for return?" I will say that honestly, kids are probably a reason for the departure of some. Do the WSs love their kids? Of course they do. However, some associate the kids with the life they "hated". And when some "come back" that is their crap sandwich to deal with regarding the kids. You can never fix his R with his kids nor should you try. Don't say anything bad about him. Love your kids. They need it:)

And whether you asked them to leave or they left on their own, well, they left. That's that. You didn't. You will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out "why?" or "how?" this will play out.

Everything has a way of working out as it should. Hang in there! It gets much, much better!

Last edited by Georgiabelle; 07/28/15 02:15 PM.


3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Georgiabelle #2592327 07/28/15 11:58 PM
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little1 Offline OP
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Thank you Georgiabelle. Sometimes i think and say things that I know what the answer is, but need someone to put a boot up my butt to get me back on track.

Today I am not feeling so great. I want to hide in my bedroom and just cry but I can't. I just don't understand and unfortantly I am the type of person to question everything until I do. Working on that.

No real contact with H since Saturday morning. I got 1 text at work that said hi. He knew i was on post so when I got a break I saw it. I wasn't going to respond to it because I knew he was in bed and when his phone went off it would piss her off. So I said screw it and sent back hi (at 0230).

Sunday when we were together, I was able to say a few things on my mind. Nothing about R or anything like that. Basically apologized for not listening but only hearing what I wanted to hear. I also told him that it wasn't for him, it was for me that I said the things I needed to. He smiled and said ok. My H is not one for words. Before (a year ago) i would have gotten a whatever or some other response. After we parted that day I sent him a text thanking him for listening to me and I really appreciate it.

He told me about a group he is looking to join. Its an outdoor type of group and I guess she is joining with him. I told him cool that will give you something else you to do together. Calmly, not sarcasticly, and heart felt. He didn't seem happy she was joining him. Usually if he says something about what they are doing he waits for my reaction before going on. If I seem happy he goes on etc. This time he didn't. This time i got yeah ok.

He is also diving head first into work again. He has always had a strong work ethic, but when he first left he pulled no unscheduled overtime, nothing extra. Now he is working as much as he can.

No big plans for my weekend except to take ds to the park in the morning. We go every Wednesday morning when I get home from work while its still cool. Then whatever he wants. Usually we veg out on the couch, him curled up next to me watching all of his favorite movies. i have plans to go out with a friend thursday night for a couple of hours. With my anxiety high, I am uncomfortable going out much, so she makes me go out for a couple of hours once a week. She keeps it at about 2 hours. Thats up in time from a year ago.

A year. I have been in this for a year now. And in this year I have lost 80 pounds, had all my teeth pulled and got dentures, and cleared clutter out of my house. My next big project: Clearing my yard.


Me 44
H 46
3 DD 22, 18, 15
1 DS 2.5
M 10/1992
BD1 2/2014 BD 2 7/19/2014
Moved in with OW 7/20/2014

My fight song "roar"
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