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Smothy Offline OP
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I am starting a new thread, after finding out about the texting with two OW. I have reached the point where i am ready to let go.

Old thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2591942&page=10

I have spent most of last night awake thinking about this but this morning, I do not feel the anxiety that has closed around me for the last few months. The texts opened my eyes and see H. As Zues, said the speed and shortsightedness of covering his own comfort has surprised me. The weakness in his character, his need for female ego stroking, to be the KISA. All this was evident in my M but I chose not to see it.

The BT bill for me has been a turning moment, the two OW that he is texting are both in relationships themselves and just makes me see how broken this all is.


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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Two women is a bit extreme. He must have some willpower. Studtastic!

Seriously, do either of the OW know about each other? He's playing everybody and having a whale of a time. Time to cut him down to size. Limit his options. It's make your mind up time.


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
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Smothy Offline OP
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Zues, I have been measuring my progress with his actions. Up until yesterday, I was scared 'to make the wrong move' in case the pendulum never moved back.

H is not the person I knew back in Feb before BD. last night I even started thinking how sad the only comfort he finds is in texting OWs.

Pyrite, your words were not hard at all, it was what I needed to hear. You were so right in your assessment of the situation. Part of what you write is one of the main reason I have placed a lot of faith? Hope? In these last few weeks.

I am feeling calmer in my future, though have seen this without H for quite a while but have not fully accepted this.

The papers itself does not mean as much but H has six weeks minimum to a year maximum to file for the decree absolute. I think I just don't want to be labelled as a divorcee.

You have given me clarity 'he (and my W) is just waiting patienttly for it to be delivered. It has already been stamped, long ago.' never crossed my mind. In my head I had thought that they were conflicted until the decree absolute is applied for.

This makes much more sense. Thank you, Py.


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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Smothy Offline OP
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Huddy, the contradictions and ok for him to ask keeps on coming. H hates conflict.

Finally pulling back and letting go :-)


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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Posts: 556
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Smothy Offline OP
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Went to see a solicitors today about consent order. Feel I am doing something to move forward from this.

2nd OW has cancelled, text and said no worries, do you hear much from Mr Smothy these days and she replied back no not really.

Huddy, double agent indeed. I have very little doubt that they are not colluding with each other.

Told H about going to solicitors and said he would never want to see me short. So,I cities said I probably can get maintenance from H as he earns so much more than me. I am not going down that road.


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 556
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Smothy Offline OP
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Made the mistake of asking H for mediation before filing for decree absolute, H stated it would be bad.

Told me he would tell me the truth and he is not looking for or in a relationship. Just friends. Said he needs support at the moment. H volunteered this info himself, when I came in from seeing friends. Wanted to know whether I saw 'friend', tried to guess person's name and did I enjoyed myself. Was vague, then H asked me what my plans were for the next few days as he needed to know for dinner and if I was out that I was 'safe'. WTF!!!!

Told H have plans, but will cook DS dinner tomorrow.

H also thanked me for not seeing OW, told him that was in the past and I was moving on from that. Also, it was something he wanted and did not want to be associated with that anymore.
Can someone advice me whether I shall go completely dark now?


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 556
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Smothy Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Huddy
Two women is a bit extreme. He must have some willpower. Studtastic!

Seriously, do either of the OW know about each other? He's playing everybody and having a whale of a time. Time to cut him down to size. Limit his options. It's make your mind up time.


I don't know, but they both worked at the same place a while ago. I called number on bill and said hi OW1 name, this is OW2 name and she just said hi and continued the conversation. Not sure whether I hit jackpot on the name front!


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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Smoothy

Pull back from the snooping. Right, you've got intel, but what are you going to do with it? You're not going to confront, so just sit on it and pull back.

You can do this!


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Joined: Mar 2015
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Huddy is right. What good is this snooping going to do for you. Letting go of the rope means letting go, period. Your STBXH's actions don't affect you anymore. This is your objective.


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
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Smothy Offline OP
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I have been told this so many times, trying so hard to execute this.

H just asked what did I get upto day, then added I wasn't prying.

On the sofa discreetly texting as soon as I move out of the room.

H brought up R talk, and said OW2 is just a friend that is supporting him. Tells me they chat about her R with her S (25years together) and tells her to keep at it and not to give it up, I tell him that's what he should tell himself and got angry with me and said that he wasn't going to talk to me if I was going to make remarks like that! Still maintains despite her giving him support they only occasionally text. h also said he does not feel DS should be told about D yet.

Conversation for about an hour. I then said I was going out. When I came back H said he feels threatened by me and feels I will be abusive to him if he talks to me about anything. I asked him have I given him any indication in these last few years this was the case and he agreed that I haven't. Felt like asking him he is going for a D for this???? Said he has a lot to deal with. Said he still cares about me and worry about me.

Validated and listened to what he had to say and said goodnight.

H pulls me in every time, i know I am still too available to him.


Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18
EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13
Move to work abroad Sept 14
re establish contact with OW while away
D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15

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