So on a further note.......... Do I just give up? How does one negotiate trying to win her back (not sure if win is the word I am looking for) But try and work on staying married. I am working on myself. But if she seems I am doing ok. She is upset that I could just move on so fast and do ok.
Right now, there is no marriage to work on. So what EXACTLY will change when you give up?
As for moving on, what does that mean to you? If you think seeing other women is the answer - recheck your goals. Is that getting you closer to them?
If you've already apologized, asked forgiveness, and changed the behavior, then don't bring it up anymore.
You work on the marriage by working on yourself. It doesn't necessarily mean she won't go through with the divorce and it doesn't mean that you guys will get back together. What it does mean is that you'll be a better spouse for her if you do reconcile and a better individual if you don't.
You have to let her move out and move on if thats what she wants right now and prepare yourself for divorce. In her mind, you already are.
I don't bring it up. She just says we are where we are by your actions. Then goes into the whole. Why didn't you listen to me to begin with and why did it have to get to counseling. I am working on myself.
Hey bobby, just keep working on yourself and maybe she'll see that your actions have changed. If she launches into her "why didn't you" spiel, just politely end it. You've been down that path with her before and it doesn't seem to help anything so try something different and end the convo before it gets started.
What are some things that you were doing when things were good between you two? What qualities in yourself made her fall for you in the first place?
Just a few things to think abkut as you work on the new and improved bobby 2.0.
What qualities. I was funny (still am but that bothers her now) She felt she could be herself around me. She has her single girlfriends to hang out with now. So I feel she doesn't need me now. I never belittled her like her ex did. Never have. I have been quite proud of all her accomplishments and have told her so. We used to go to the gym together. And that was fun. But she is a Triathlete, which means lots of running, biking, swimming. Stuff I can't keep up at. I sometimes would bike with her while she ran. But her girlfriends do all that stuff. (So, yeah little jealous of things) One time I ran with her she was running her friends dog, and she and her took off at breakneck speed. Leaving me in the dust. So I had to walk by myself for an hour. Didn't make me feel very good. She later apologized, but at the same time, she could have turned back.
So on this GAL? I am trying that. That is Get A Lover right? Just kidding. I work nights 4 nights a week. And now to help make ends meet. Wife was the one who made the big bucks. I start a 2nd job this week. So I will be working 7 days a week. So won't have time for GAL......either kind.
GAL doesn't have to be time consuming and can be small changes. Remember the "butterfly effect" MWD talked about? Think of some goals and plan a way to meet those goals.
Maybe you have a goal to be healthier and to meet that goal you plan to quit smoking, cut back on drinking, lose x amount of weight, drink x amount of water a day, cut back on fast food, etc.
Maybe you used to have a hobby like reading and haven't done so in a while. You could get audio books to listen to on your drive to work.
Sort of surreal day....wife has moved the rest of her stuff to garage. Furniture etc. She brings the U-Haul tomorrow. Had to move furniture around to take up the empty spaces. Just a sad feeling.....House feels empty.....but also bigger. She is now moving from her girlfriend's house to an apartment. Maybe she'll feel the lonely feeling I have had. She has just seemed so focused and driven to divorce. I read something online last night from Dr Phil about divorce. He listed several emotions......including anger and hurt. He said no one should make a life altering decision like divorce if they even one of the listed feelings going on. My W has anger and hurt if not more.
Moving day definitely makes it all feel real. Has she filed the divorce papers yet? You may have said already and I just don't recall.
Dr. Phil is right but unfortunately most D's are filed with an abundance of negative emotions. If it were me, I'd keep Dr. Phil's sage advice to myself. Your W may not appreciate it as it would make it seem as if her feelings are "wrong".
