So, it's Monday. A new day, a new week, all kinds of good things on the horizon!
At least, this is what I'm telling myself.
Went to my first day of technical training for the new job today. I'm torn - I love the company, the culture, and the people. But the job itself? I hate. It's really more technical and requires more troubleshooting, setup, and break down than I was led to believe. I won't like it. I don't even think there is enough room in my car for the equipment. I'm also quite frankly convinced I'm going to screw up at some point and find myself looking for another job!
But... on the bright side... there are other opportunities with the company that I might find more appealing, and I just need to find a safe way to explore them. Better still... there might be an opportunity with this company to develop a sponsorship relationship with the program I've been working on the past two years to get into schools. In fact, I had been hyper-focusing on that project in April and launched a whole new version of it just two days before BD. At that point, I felt sucker punched in the gut and couldn't get myself motivated to do much of anything.
I'm also considering going back to school. Not sure exactly for what, counseling maybe. After all the loss I've suffered in my life, and especially right now, I feel I ought to find the good in it and help others. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon enough.
My saintly mom wants me to come stay with her if I go back to school. We'd make great roommates actually, and I wouldn't be so lonely. Her house is such a peaceful place to be, perfect for healing and studying and writing. But it would be an hour and a half away from the city where I am now, and just as far from the kids. They probably wouldn't mind my being that distant - because it's really not that far. But their mom might.
I also confess that I had to filter that possibility through this lens: does moving in with my mom make me look more appealing to my W, or less? Is moving an hour and a half away from my WW something that will help move me toward the goal of R, or away from it? Will absence and distance make the heart grow fonder, or help her completely forget me? Does going back to school make me look stronger to her? Should I even be thinking about these sorts of things, or just go with what I think is best for me?
Yeah, well. As much as I'm working on detachment, I'm clearly not detached enough not to think about those things. This thread, much like my life, will be a work in progress.
Onward...
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Don't worry about the job, it's a good distraction and I am sure it will lead to something better and more satisfying for you. And you are not a screw up.
Do you really want to go home and live with your Mom?
#1. Future dating prospects - yeah I live with my Mom #2. Reconnection with W - yeah, I went back home to Mom's #3. What would that do for your self esteem?
But who cares what your dippy wife thinks. You are busy GALing to think about her. To her you have your fabulous new job which is so exciting and you are making so many new friends! I would sell it to her that way. :-)
On the subject of my WW... there is a very strange situation going on with our phones. I can text anyone and receive them from anyone - except my WW. She was here yesterday and showed me some texts she'd sent, and I never got them. But I get texts from any and everyone else, just not from her. She gets mine, but I don't get hers. Really strange...
Anyway, today, I left some things on her desk for her business, things I'd been working on that are related to my entrepreneurial project. She just happened to call me during my break at training, and it was clear she couldn't understand any of the (very clear) instructions I'd left for her.
WW: "I'm really overwhelmed right now, you have no idea how busy I am, it's crazy. I love it, but I'm struggling to keep up."
ME: "Can I help you somehow?"
WW: "No, there's nothing you can do. It's all realtor stuff."
"Okay, well, you just sound really stressed. I'm sure it will all work out. You'll be okay. If I can help with anything, just ask."
She wrote me later saying thanks for the chocolate (which I had left as part of the project, not for her to eat!), and that she was sorry she unloaded on me about her stress. I wrote back saying, "sorry... the chocolate wasn't for you. BUT, if it helped with your stress, glad you indulged." She typed back an "lol." Left it at that.
Was just trying to be the lighthouse. Even though her raging storm has only just begun...
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Right Heavy, see? The "live with my mom" thing, not so good for R. I just feel like it would be a good place for me to heal spiritually. Not forever. But possibly for now. My self-esteem is kind of shot at the moment regardless. The biggest thing holding me back from doing that is exactly your point #2: what would WW think? (But who cares what my dippy wife thinks. lol Good point!)
Not at all thinking about future dating prospects, either. If I were to ever date again, it wouldn't be for a few years, long after I am not at my mom's place recovering from this divorce. Then again, maybe it's too early for me to say this, but I think I'm done with relationships after this. If my soulmate and the love of my life could do this to me? I think being single doesn't sound so bad at all. And really... I'm okay with that. For now.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Hey heavy and dif, I have been reading both of your guys threads. I just don't understand people and how cruel they can be. I wish I had good advice for both of you, but I can't even tell myself what to do. Here if you guys need a shoulder
M: 32 W: 35 M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple W "unhappy" April 2015 D first asked for mid May 2015 2nd D end of June 2015 D papers in hand, just have to sign Start of piecing 8/20/15 A confirmed 1/2/15
I am also apart of the same sex community. I would be grateful for any advice you guys have for me
M: 32 W: 35 M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple W "unhappy" April 2015 D first asked for mid May 2015 2nd D end of June 2015 D papers in hand, just have to sign Start of piecing 8/20/15 A confirmed 1/2/15
On the subject of my WW... there is a very strange situation going on with our phones. I can text anyone and receive them from anyone - except my WW. She was here yesterday and showed me some texts she'd sent, and I never got them. But I get texts from any and everyone else, just not from her. She gets mine, but I don't get hers. Really strange...
Do you have an ipad synced with your phone ... I did and a good number of texts went there and not to my phone.
Originally Posted By: DifRent
Anyway, today, I left some things on her desk for her business, things I'd been working on that are related to my entrepreneurial project. She just happened to call me during my break at training, and it was clear she couldn't understand any of the (very clear) instructions I'd left for her.
WW: "I'm really overwhelmed right now, you have no idea how busy I am, it's crazy. I love it, but I'm struggling to keep up."
ME: "Can I help you somehow?"
WW: "No, there's nothing you can do. It's all realtor stuff."
"Okay, well, you just sound really stressed. I'm sure it will all work out. You'll be okay. If I can help with anything, just ask."
Dif ... do not attempt to 'fix' nor 'help' her ... just STFU and listen, be the one she opens up to and shares with.
Originally Posted By: DifRent
She wrote me later saying thanks for the chocolate (which I had left as part of the project, not for her to eat!), and that she was sorry she unloaded on me about her stress. I wrote back saying, "sorry... the chocolate wasn't for you. BUT, if it helped with your stress, glad you indulged." She typed back an "lol." Left it at that.
Was just trying to be the lighthouse. Even though her raging storm has only just begun...
Thats all we can do ... Lighthouse/Rock ... what have you ... just something stable as they ride the rowboat in the hurricane
I did like your last response .. fun light and non-threatening.
As far as moving to "Moms" .. I agree with Heavy, I do not think that would be good for you on a couple levels .. but I can also see the urge to go home and lick your wounds, heck if my mom lived here I most likely would have done it .. glad looking back I didn't ... it was not easy, but I did my thing my way.
Hey, PT33. Welcome... though sorry you're here. Have you posted your sitch somewhere? What's your story? I've been short on time lately with my new job, so I'm not terribly up on things... happy to be a support to you, too.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Yeah Cali, you're right. It's instinctive for me to want to offer to help. It's what I've always done. Hard to just STFU, as usual. But it's all good now. Back to detachment today... no contact until she initiates it. And I don't have an iPad. It's just a very strange situation. With the no contact, it won't matter for a while anyway.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
M: 32 W: 35 M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple W "unhappy" April 2015 D first asked for mid May 2015 2nd D end of June 2015 D papers in hand, just have to sign Start of piecing 8/20/15 A confirmed 1/2/15
