Please listen to Acc. What he is saying is spot on. We have all been through the "crazy" stage where you feel like what is being said on this forum couldn't possibly work. BUT it does!!! This is one time you can say "but". Give yourself some time and if you REALLY love your wife, you will give her what she is asking for. Some space. Please listen to the vets on this forum, they are here to help.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom Acc. I have a WAH and have learned so much from your last two posts.
Gabs,
Love yourself and love your wife - give yourself the gift of time and your wife the gift of space and keep journaling here and ask for advice before you take any action.
well it was really hard but I didn't write the letter. today I feel horrible. kids are here and I can't even take care of them. just made some mac and cheese for them and came back to my cave. i can't get out of bed in the morning.
the 180s are the easiest because I feel like I'm directly doing something to get her back. I can't GAL. I go out and sulk with my happy friends.
it seems there is no end and it's only going to get worse, not better. contemplating calling the doctor for some meds.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I think I can relate to your pain.
I just found out my wife of 14 years is actively cheating on me two months ago.
In the past two months I've had a few good days. Most of them recently. I'm not sure what your current fitness level is but I would really recommend running. On days that I run 4+ miles I feel strong and confident.
It's really important that you take care of yourself. Easier said than done I know. When I found out I stopped eating. I stopped exercising. I stopped sleeping. It made it worse.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I think I can relate to your pain.
I just found out my wife of 14 years is actively cheating on me two months ago.
In the past two months I've had a few good days. Most of them recently. I'm not sure what your current fitness level is but I would really recommend running. On days that I run 4+ miles I feel strong and confident.
It's really important that you take care of yourself. Easier said than done I know. When I found out I stopped eating. I stopped exercising. I stopped sleeping. It made it worse.
Hit the gym man. You need those endorphins!
thanks. but part of the problem, I'm sure you can relate, is that I don't really want to feel better. I feel this way because of what is happening and I can't pretend it's not happening. i can't see ANYTHING besides what is happening with my wife. NOTHING. I don't care about anything else. If I'm doing something for that, I can do it. I can read the book, or talk on this forum, or work on my 180s. I just don't really want to do anything else. crying makes me feel better. praying makes me feel better. anything that gives me hope makes me feel better. exercising only makes me feel better if it is somehow tied to getting her back. I know I sound like a weak sick puppy. Maybe that's what I am.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I think I can relate to your pain.
I just found out my wife of 14 years is actively cheating on me two months ago.
In the past two months I've had a few good days. Most of them recently. I'm not sure what your current fitness level is but I would really recommend running. On days that I run 4+ miles I feel strong and confident.
It's really important that you take care of yourself. Easier said than done I know. When I found out I stopped eating. I stopped exercising. I stopped sleeping. It made it worse.
Hit the gym man. You need those endorphins!
thanks. but part of the problem, I'm sure you can relate, is that I don't really want to feel better. wait...what?? Why would you not want to feel better?
I feel this way because of what is happening and I can't pretend it's not happening. i can't see ANYTHING besides what is happening with my wife. NOTHING. I don't care about anything else. If I'm doing something for that, I can do it. I can read the book, or talk on this forum, or work on my 180s. I just don't really want to do anything else. crying makes me feel better. praying makes me feel better. anything that gives me hope makes me feel better. exercising only makes me feel better if it is somehow tied to getting her back. I know I sound like a weak sick puppy. Maybe that's what I am. im sorry that you're feeling this way. But the only way to feel better is to DECIDE TO FEEL BETTER. It's hard. And it's slow. But see if you can go a second without thinking about it. Then 5 seconds. Then a minute. And so on. Yeah, sometimes you will have to pretend. BUT THATS OK.
You say you're working on 180s. How is what you're doing being a good father? How are you teaching your children how to deal with pain?
My advice honestly is to start having a positive attitude. Watch the TED talk by Shawn Achor. It's so good. And so helpful. There's another by Amy Cuddy that's really good too. You have so much to be grateful for and so much life to live. Don't let your W take that away too.
Yea, we all hear ya. We all felt exactly the same at some point. And I know you're not interested in anything else right now. I know you can't sleep. I know you can't think and I know every time you shut your eyes you have horrible visions. Those feelings are still so acute with me but more of a memory. Like pain from an operation or an accident. See what I mean?
The people around here give you advice for a reason. We've all been where you are. And it hurts. Really really hurts. It's a b!tch. I get that.
The vets round here are telling you to do certain things for a reason. They want to save you. Once you are saved then they will take it from there.
I know it feels weird because you want to save your M. Well, right now you can't. Brutal I know but there are the facts. However, every success story I've read here always follows the same pattern. The LBS sorts themselves out, gets on with life and eventually puts the WAS at the back of their mind. It's not that they don't love them it's just that what he WAS does no longer affects the LBS. at that point there is a chance. But not before.
Peace
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
I'm sure you can relate, is that I don't really want to feel better. I feel this way because of what is happening and I can't pretend it's not happening. i can't see ANYTHING besides what is happening with my wife. NOTHING.
I can totally relate. It's weird I know. When I found out and still to this day I wake up thinking of only her, I go to sleep thinking of only her, I workout thinking of only her. Everything I do is for her. I didn't want and still dont want the pain to end either because in some screwed up way felt it kept me closer to her. I still think if I feel pain she's feeling pain and she's thinking of me. But two months in man I'm starting to think a little different. I'm getting glimpses of being healthier for ME. I'm noticing that being depressed isn't good for ME. I'm tired of her hurting ME. It doesn't mean that I don't love her any less. It doesn't mean that I'm giving up. In fact I think she would appreciate all of these things. Seriously though man at some point it has to get better for the both of us! Please take care of yourself.
