one day I am going to get you sloppy drunk and have a circus monkey have his way with you
...there was this time overseas, but I did get this nice bow-tie.
Glad it helps you in the work you're doing Cali. I hope you don't agree with all of it, but you're a smart thinker, so it's likely that you think about things and either keep or discard. Nice to see.
Have a great weekend!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Hey! I want in on the sloppy drunk stuff and the circus...oh wait, what am I saying?
Luke, you are ok in my book. You have walked this with honesty and courage. You looked all the cr@p in the face and are working through it.
I can totally understand about the physical part and the STD. Who the heck wants to have to think about that?
My xh slept with his OW on our 25th wedding anniversary. Man, that hurt.
But he did what he did. Could he have chosen differently? Hel!z yea, but, he didn't.
I realized that whatever happened with her couldn't taint the years we had together. What we had was real. It was based on love and a commitment. Whatever happened between them had nothing to do with me really.
She didn't have anything that I didn't have. But I sure had stuff she didn't. She didn't have my integrity, honor or strength. She didn't matter.
I understand the hurt you feel from the affair. I decided during all of it that allowing myself to continue to hold onto all those feelings was weighing me down. It was stopping me from moving forward. I was giving her my power.
You are getting to where you need to be. Allowing those feelings to wash over you more and more.
It helps to remember that she wasn't doing that TO you. She was trying to fix herself.
Cali, I have been following your sitch some. I applaud you and your strength and patience. Reading through your sitch is a inspiration to alot of us on here. I also think the way you help others here is great. I do enjoy reading your own posts and posts to others. Even if you are from California!! LOL!!!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Ur, I thought he was alluding to you being the 'monkey' ? I may have to re-think my previous answer
I can tell a similar story to yours regarding the OM. I don't really recall a time being jealous of him. I knew what I had was real. I also knew that he would never have what my ex and I shared. Just isn't possible. The harder part was seeing how she twisted things into knots trying to work it out for herself and being too close to the tornado. i.e. not letting go.
That was a hard lesson, but a very valuable one. Cali, you get the opportunity to see 'behind the curtain' and see that it wasn't all sunshine and roses as depicted on FB. I suspect that helps a bit...
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Hey Cali. I am really glad to hear you are in a happy peaceful place in your life. I know the feeling.
Knowing there is still more work to do on ourselves, but knowing we have come a long way.
Accepting this is a slow and complicated process, not to be rushed.
Letting the little things go, and learning what is truly important in our lives.
You sound great and seem to have your eyes wide open to watch and learn from your ongoing experience. You are doing great and have become a great example and help to so many here.
Thought of you guys when I was driving to Socal. Did you guys get a lot of rain and humidity from the hurricane? Crazy weather these days!
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
I've been on vacay and just caught up on your sitch. Remember, there is no rush and you decide what you want to do. Everything has a way of working out...Really. It does. We just may not expect the ending we get.
Hang in there! Btw, I'm in LOVE with First Wave on XM. I was trying to explain how fantastic all of this music was to the kiddos.
You can do this:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Could you please stop by Gabs' thread over in Newcomers? I see a lot of parallels between your stich and Gabs'. I think you would make a wonderful mentor for Gabs.
Hey! I want in on the sloppy drunk stuff and the circus...oh wait, what am I saying?
Lol ... sloppy drunk monkey stuff ... oh the visuals that gave me
Originally Posted By: uRworthy
Luke, you are ok in my book. You have walked this with honesty and courage. You looked all the cr@p in the face and are working through it.
I can totally understand about the physical part and the STD. Who the heck wants to have to think about that?
My xh slept with his OW on our 25th wedding anniversary. Man, that hurt.
But he did what he did. Could he have chosen differently? Hel!z yea, but, he didn't.
25th .. yeah .. that would sting I have no doubts ... ouch
Yeah .. we continue to talk about this, more in the light of what it means NOW, not so much tying it into the A .. as I do not want to 'live' there, and have really not thought about it as much lately. I said something along the lines of 'it's not your fault' meaning the frustration I was feeling at that time wasn't.....as I am dealing with a road block and how that effects our intimacy...She needs one last test in SEP just to make sure the STD is all we have to deal with and its not anything 'else'.... so we can not really 'do anything' until this time, and she actually did say it was totally her fault, the A was wrong and if she could take it all back she would. This shocked me a bit as I was not even thinking along those lines and discussed this with her after. But the gravity of how serious this can impact people/families has been weighing very heavy on her as of late ... the fog is lifting and what is under is plain scary.
Originally Posted By: uRworthy
I realized that whatever happened with her couldn't taint the years we had together. What we had was real. It was based on love and a commitment. Whatever happened between them had nothing to do with me really.
She didn't have anything that I didn't have. But I sure had stuff she didn't. She didn't have my integrity, honor or strength. She didn't matter.
I understand the hurt you feel from the affair. I decided during all of it that allowing myself to continue to hold onto all those feelings was weighing me down. It was stopping me from moving forward. I was giving her my power.
You are getting to where you need to be. Allowing those feelings to wash over you more and more.
It helps to remember that she wasn't doing that TO you. She was trying to fix herself.
W told me the other day that she has never felt as close to me as she did 'now' Again... surprised as to be honest I do not feel the same, I feel we have a long way to go ... is it the hurt and pain I felt .. partly .. and partly because I am still watching her work, detached but hopeful, yet ... yes guarded. Not because I am worried about OM or anyone else ... more concerned about M1.0 returning along with W1.0 if that makes any sense. OM is just a POS not really worthy of any of my energy but the after effects have been around as of late ... just more trash that needs to be taken out and I think by the time she gets screened we can begin to move past that chapter a bit more. I think I have let go of that affair hurt more and more ... does it sting .. sure .. but not like it did, I suspect its just getting through the process. W wanted me to watch this movie with her yesterday, I sat down and we started watching ... about an hour in the female character was having sex with all these random guys (yes she was married) I simply got up and went to the balcony to read ... W asked me to come back and told me she found a better movie. I was actually happy I did not spin ... just did not want to watch crap like that.
Again uR .. you have been a Godsend through all this ... Monkey Drunkeness awaits.
Cali, I have been following your sitch some. I applaud you and your strength and patience. Reading through your sitch is a inspiration to alot of us on here. I also think the way you help others here is great. I do enjoy reading your own posts and posts to others. Even if you are from California!! LOL!!!
Ur, I thought he was alluding to you being the 'monkey' ? I may have to re-think my previous answer
I can tell a similar story to yours regarding the OM. I don't really recall a time being jealous of him. I knew what I had was real. I also knew that he would never have what my ex and I shared. Just isn't possible. The harder part was seeing how she twisted things into knots trying to work it out for herself and being too close to the tornado. i.e. not letting go.
That was a hard lesson, but a very valuable one. Cali, you get the opportunity to see 'behind the curtain' and see that it wasn't all sunshine and roses as depicted on FB. I suspect that helps a bit...
AJ
Yeah .. like I said .. there was a time ... I shared this with W ... when I felt like someone I never knew/met just beat me and that really irked the heck out of me. Now, ... meh .. I do not give him much thought ... other than the fact he has made my wife ill ... again .. not like she was taken against her will, she made a choice that we both now will have to live with the rest of our lives ... something she is struggling with currently.
The 'behind the curtain' comment is very spot on ... I still have trouble wrapping my head around how she went that far with it all ... but again .. not for me to really figure out .. what is done is done.
