Help and Support Appreciated 2

[West1]

First Thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2585982#Post2585982

Start of a new one, waiting for W to get home so we can all go to dinner. She has been all smiles and happy this afternoon. Gave her what was rightfully hers of the money that I took out. Making amends for bonehead mistakes.

She giggled and was happy when I suggested we take the kids to dinner, and that I said we should go to her favorite place. She even said she would buy.

So confused, but staying positive, strong confident and attractive.

will let you know how it goes.

[West1]

Dinner went really well, had a really great time with all 7 of us, had been hard for us to all go to dinner, having to take two cars, and tiny babies and all.

During dinner she leaned over and said that what I did earlier today changes a lot of things... I asked like what,tell me more?
She gave me this look, like not what you are thinking... I was just curious as to what all this changes in her mind.

WE had a great meal, kids were happy, i was happy, she was very happy, and kept staring at our older twin D1, and said how much she looks like her daddy.

She paid the bill, we got up to leave, and we stood and had a smoke while teens were getting twins in carseats, she sat down on parking block, and we were talking about the fair that is across the street for city Festival, then she started looking pretty ill, siad she was not feeling very well at all. Asked S17 to drive home due to her looking like death, and hardly being able to stand.

Arrived home and helped her out of truck, still looking pale, and ill.

I am worried, due to fact that last time I remember her being this ill she was pregnant... which would just make things so much more damn complicated at this point.. WE have had sex one time unprotected since May, and that was last week after her surgery. I have no idea if she could have already dropped before the surgery, or if it's even possible.

Something new to worry about.

Good news is, that I kept a cool, strong confident demeanor today, didn't ruminate on it all day and beat myself up, and actually had plans for GAL, but work scheduling with my friend delayed it, and was in the middle of dinner when he finally got off work.

Going to gun range tomorrow to blow off some steam with another coworker... getting to shoot a .45 , a .45 and a 9mm, so I am pumped, haven't had any pistols in yearsss, don't believe in having them in a home with kids, but that is just me.

Some nice stress relief and something to get my blood pumping.

[West1]

I think I am still pursuing, even though it is in response to her actions. Before work this morning W said she was still having problems sleepin, 45 min on and off.

I said let me come help you relax because I know you have a long day ahead of you.

Went into her room and gave her a massage, rubbed her shoulders and back and legs and feet.

Turned into an intimate encounter, responding to her moans and movements towards me, with her saying how can I say no to you?

Later this morning she txt we have to stop repeating this morning.

My question is, should I stop any and all contact, touching back rubs, foot rubs, turn her down for sex? Do those things without escalating to sex if those are things she is requesting?

[West1]

Had a great time GALing yesterday. Went and shot skeet with good friends, laughed a lot. Missed a bunch. Went to Golden Corral and had a good dinner, then we went and played pool for a couple of hours.

Laughed a lot. Felt relaxed, and not thinking of all this stuff going on for once. Was nice doing something for me, and having no plan or obligations, as opposed to the responsibility and worry for 6 other people.

[West1]

Update.
Been focusing on goals and techniques.

Seeing a vast change and improvement after being able to let go more and detach a little better.

Having a very difficult time with my thoughts right now. W is away for the weekend. Left at 9am yesterday, said this weekend she was just going to drive as far as she can and see where she ends up. No contact from her at all. No contact from me, which has been the hardest thing to do. Even during the short separation we were in contact every day.

Keeping a pma
Keeping up with my 180s which are being more involved with family and discipline of the kids.
Cleaning, doing dishes, and making sure everyone is doing chores according to chore chart.
Not talking about OR, and trying to act as if moving on. Being kind friend, loving caring father.

She mentioned the night before that she has noticed my changes, and that is is making her want to be more involved and cook and do more around the house.

It seems the butterfly effect is starting.

Keeping no pressure as much as I can, no matter how desperate for her touch, or kiss or affections I feel.even though i did give her a big hug and grabbed her tush the morning she left before i went to work, and she gave me a kiss goodbye.

[West1]

Ugggghhhh. Not a very good night or morning.

Last night while I was out gal, i recieved a call from W and heard her talking to OM, dialed in her pocket, said she was out getting groceries in text.

This morning, the same kind of thing happened again, expect this time she waa talking about all the things he has, and his dog, and that she just wants to spend all day every day there, this is a place that she went to this weekend, gone for three days, and told me she was just going to drive and see where she ended up and relax and visit the norther part of the state.

I havent brought up OM, or even question about it. She did get mad when she asked if I had plans she needed to know about, and told her I had plans for the night and on thursday. Prolly because she was scheduling meeting with OM.

I have no idea what to say or do at this point, I really feel done.

Just want to let go completely and move on at this point.

Told me I should move out after she came home after shopping finally, after being with OM, that I had moved dvd system back into basement, and she had rented videos y watch. I had told her that had happened already, and didnt appreciate being treated the way I was over something I had told her already.

[West1]

I cant stop enabling the behavior, as i am court ordered to pay for support and alimony, i thought things were gettng better between us, as is very polite, please, thank you, i wanted to make plans does this interfere with anythinh, what time would be acceptable to come home.... yada yada yada, till things dont go her way and it explodes.

Told me she is scared of what is eventually going to happen, how can she find a man to be happy with and in love, living with her ex, said well I am not your ex yet. ^^.

Talked about religion at some point, after asking if she thought about getting our d1 twins christened or baptised, how she doesnt believe there is a god, how could he let this happen. Does t know how to forgive and let go, raised as a Catholic, and feels judged and shunned.

[West1]

Living in the same house, I am paying all the bills, she is using my d15 s17 and her d15 as babysitters during the day to go and run "errands." Leaves as soon as I get home and doesnt return till babies are asleep most nights, says she doesnt want to be here, be around me, because she cant trust herself around me.

She does grocery shopping and gets things she always has for me, said she noticed things I am doing differently.

No talk of the divorce or even mentioning the separation at this point.

[ILYNOT]

West1 hang in there, go and play with your guns, let some steam out, unfortunately they are out of our control, just step back and let GOD do his will. Will be praying for you and your family.

"Dear lord, please protect this man and his family from any harm and help guide his every step, protect his children, open his wife's eyes to the painful realities of separation and divorce and for her to consider working on their marriage, thank you, in Jesus name, amen!"

[West1]

Ty Ilynot. I finally dont have to act asif, since I am really feeling it, and really felt so at peace when I went to sleep last night after hearing confirmation of what I assumed was going on, really allowed me to let go completely it feels like.

I dont know whether I should confront her, or if that would even matter if she knows hat I know. I have played it off.