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Just curious, I am wondering what kind of 180's I can do if the wife is not living with me in the house?

I do need to speak to her about the kids and the arrangements.

...Yup it just came to mind again to work on myself and be the become the best me again.

...I feel like I have no energy and in a bad funk.

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Today the wife took the kids for a mini vacation. It's the first time they have done this without me and I can't help think that this may be her getting on with her life with the kids without me.

It will be the kids bed time in an and hour and I am wondering if I should initiate the call or have her be responsible as to do so. They are in a very touristy place and she may bot even care to call or have the boys call. I don't want to seem to eager or pushy. Doing my 180 of not calling and being needy.

I'm sure her therapist and mom have told her to move on and keep strong and don't give in...stay her course.

When does missing me come into play? When does that switch turn on she finally sees the good we had cause it was 85% good but the bad was bad cause her parents divorced and was ugly.

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Hello,

Wife said yesterday that she carry's her phone all the time so that if I call the kids can speak to me at anytime. I am detaching and only want to speak to them when they are going to bed so I can wish them good night for now. I should not call during the day since I'm detaching right?

I just want to hug my kids!!!

I was going to take the kids on a surprise to the Aquarium, but my Wife's mother took her and the kids there. I was upset b/c they didn't go where they said they would go. I told wife that was what I was going to do as a surprise and she said that;s no probably I can take them again. Of course I can. the point is that they didn't go where they said they would go and then wife said my mom wanted to do something nice for her cause her mom noticed that she was so stressed. Wife acted upset that I even mentioned it.

Not sure what is going on with her, but for the first time during this separation I silently wished that her troubled mind would ease.

I do hope that she decides to come home so we can start to peace things back together and become a family again. In the mean time, I joined a gym, got myself a Guitar, and saying hi to strangers just to change things up.

Any advice would be appreciated.

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I wouldn't stress the fact that she took them somewhere other than where she said she was, my WW does that to me all the time, is frustrating because WE still want to be in control and WE ARE NOT anymore.

Just keep praying and be the lighthouse, be someone she would want to be around with. Smile, talk nice to her, sound excited to hear from her, which you should.


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Have you read Michele's article on the WAW? How far have you made it through the book?

You need to know that your way of thinking and how your W is thinking is entirely opposite. Below is an example of how you are thinking.

Quote:
When does missing me come into play? When does that switch turn on she finally sees the good we had cause it was 85% good but the bad was bad cause her parents divorced and was ugly.


I wish it was that simple, but it's not.

Have you read the links Cadet gave you?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Hi Sandi,

Yes I have read and am reading everything I can. I will go over and reread everything. These things so simply logical to do, but realistically to me it's not. My mind and my heart tend to somehow conflict with what I should be doing. Please keep in mind that I am asking questions here on the bb, all the while following the steps. I do have to be more concise in following the steps to a "T".

For some reason the days seems to come so fast in the morning and then night draws long for me.

I'm the type of man that tends to need to make sense of things logically...analytical by nature.

Fear of her not coming home with kids tends to creep in and the finality of it all scares me which in turn spurs me to want to move on and find another woman. I know that is wrong and not the things to do, but it does pop in my head to do so to ease what I'm going through and cushion the blows I'm giving to myself and to cope. I do know it's the wrong thing to do.

Please advise, Thank You to all.

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Originally Posted By: fdu
Hi Sandi,

Yes I have read and am reading everything I can. I will go over and reread everything. These things so simply logical to do, but realistically to me it's not. My mind and my heart tend to somehow conflict with what I should be doing. Please keep in mind that I am asking questions here on the bb, all the while following the steps. I do have to be more concise in following the steps to a "T".

For some reason the days seems to come so fast in the morning and then night draws long for me.

I'm the type of man that tends to need to make sense of things logically...analytical by nature.

Fear of her not coming home with kids tends to creep in and the finality of it all scares me which in turn spurs me to want to move on and find another woman. I know that is wrong and not the things to do, but it does pop in my head to do so to ease what I'm going through and cushion the blows I'm giving to myself and to cope. I do know it's the wrong thing to do.

Please advise, Thank You to all.


Fdu - read the last few posts in Gabs' thread for several opinions on dating. But in general, I don't believe it's a good idea to jump into a new relationship now. It may temporarily ease THIS pain. But it pretty much guarantees the end of your R with your W and it's unlikely that whatever new R you have will be any better without taking the time to reflect on this one and do the work on you.

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I agree with Azzork, fdu. You want to bring another woman into the picture while all of this is going on?

Do you see that as making your situation more or less confusing. Is it fair to that other woman to be brought into the middle of a storm like this?

Would you want to go out on a date with a woman who's husband had just left her and she was hoping to use your relationship as a way to make herself feel better?

You're going to hear this all over this board - slow down and start working on you. It takes a long time to change you. Longer than you think. It runs deep. It may take years for you to be in a position to date again. It may not.

But let's say it does. Why date before then? To make the pain go away for now? You can't outrun this kind of pain, nor cover it up with another woman. It will always find a way to come back to the surface.

Work on yourself. Lots of it. Like your life depends on it.


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I understand completely what is being said and agree to the points being made. I will not be doing it, but was thinking out loud.

I'm am working on myself and as suggested I'm "Getting a Life".

...just thinking out loud and venting.

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Silly me...I just want my family back.

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