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continuing on....
2 mondays ago I asked my W if she was coming with me to San Fran to do the spartan race, she said no she was going to stay here (I had reminded her a few times over the last few months). I knew before I asked that she was going to say no, but it didn't make it hurt any less. She asked if I was going by myself and I said yes. I thought it was important for me to go no matter what. I told her it was ok and that I understood. I left the room after that. The next morning she told me she didn't want me to be upset and I told her the same thing. I was trying to be strong and show her I was moving on and I could do it without her. She text me later in the morning and and said please don't be upset, I feel bad I never want to hurt you. I told her I wasn't upset and understood why she couldn't come.

She then text me again later in the day. I have not been imitating texts for at least 3 months (out of 4). She doesn't usually text, some weeks she has some not. It just doesn't make sense to me. Anyways She asked how I was etc and then got irritated when I didn't answer right away. She even called me honey. I just don't get the on/off.

That night she of course stayed later. I went to put the dogs in the MDR and said good night and she was like hey how was your day. Usually she doesn't linger. I said good and asked her how hers was. I again said night and she was like fine I was trying to talk to u. I said ok and then she came up to me and gave me an intimate hug. (????) So random. Wed night she was in a down mood, she said she had a hard therapy session and I just left her alone.

I was hoping that she was gonna changed her mind and come with me but she never did. I left early friday morning and she called me to see how I was doing. She also wanted me to text her when I got there so I did. She text me again at like 10 at night checking to make sure I was ok. I had fallen asleep and didn't get her text till the morning. She told me good luck in the AM.

I cried before the race. It was so hard to be there without her, we had done all the races together. She always motivated me and it was so hard.


M: 32 W: 35
M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple
W "unhappy" April 2015
D first asked for mid May 2015
2nd D end of June 2015
D papers in hand, just have to sign
Start of piecing 8/20/15
A confirmed 1/2/15
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I get back later that night and my sister was having a friend stay the night and she was gonna sleep on the couch. My wife told me she should be sleeping in the guest room and I told her umm where would I sleep? She said in our room. I was confused. It was awkward, I could just feel she didn't want me in there.

The next day she was in a bad mood (usually she is on sundays cuz thats when she is home with me) I asked if she was ok and she said she was fine, but that today was the anniversary of her friends death. Over the years she had mentioned it and she was a little sad, but it never affected her like this. They were not good friends, more just acquaintances/coworkers, he gave her her first job in her career. Im confused how someone could have that affect one her now? She shut me down right away and told me she did not want to talk about it.

Even after how badly she has treated me, I still want to make things better for her and take her pain away. It killed me when she wouldn't talk to me about it.


M: 32 W: 35
M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple
W "unhappy" April 2015
D first asked for mid May 2015
2nd D end of June 2015
D papers in hand, just have to sign
Start of piecing 8/20/15
A confirmed 1/2/15
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 75
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Last week I felt as if I had failed. No small steps like the previous 2 weeks. Back to being distant and cold. I DONT UNDERSTAND. More things to say, but Im falling asleep


M: 32 W: 35
M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple
W "unhappy" April 2015
D first asked for mid May 2015
2nd D end of June 2015
D papers in hand, just have to sign
Start of piecing 8/20/15
A confirmed 1/2/15
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 75
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Feeling pretty low and down today. I don't know if my wife will ever be able to be the same person I fell and love with and have been with the last 4 yrs.


M: 32 W: 35
M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple
W "unhappy" April 2015
D first asked for mid May 2015
2nd D end of June 2015
D papers in hand, just have to sign
Start of piecing 8/20/15
A confirmed 1/2/15
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 75
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Any advice with doing LRT and living in the same house?


M: 32 W: 35
M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple
W "unhappy" April 2015
D first asked for mid May 2015
2nd D end of June 2015
D papers in hand, just have to sign
Start of piecing 8/20/15
A confirmed 1/2/15
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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PT,

You cannot help W. She needs to figure out her own chit and let her be. You've got to stop asking how she's doing and offering to 'help' her.

Right now, you need to treat her like a roommate. Get out of the house and GAL more often.

I do not see any mention of a OW. Is your W in constant contact with someone? Most of the time there's a OW/OM in the picture. Not always.

Are you saying that you all three live in a two-bedroom place, correct? Which means that your twin has her own bedroom and you have the MBR. Where does that leave W?

Trying to get a better picture of your living arrangements here.

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Wonka,
The end of April I found out she was talking to someone.
I overheard her talking late at night.(I moved into the guest room by this time) I checked the phone records and she talked to this person at all times, late at night, during the day for hours. I figured out it was someone she had met at her new job a month ago.
I was devastated, because everything pointed to her cheating on me. I confronted her and she said it was a friend that was straight that was going through a divorce. She has denied any affair, emotional or physical up to this point. She told that she couldn't even think of being with someone else with what was going on. I want to believe this, but it hard. I have chosen to believe her because it doesn't really matter at this point. I know she still texts, but she separated our cell accounts the end of may. I'm pretty sure she still talks to her. She is constantly on her phone and does not let it out of sight. Also changed passcodes. she said it freaked her out that I looked at the phone records

We own a 4 bedroom house together and my sister moved in a yr ago. I went into the guest room a few weeks after this started in April. She is in the MBR. I tried early on to come back in our room because I took some advice from family members, that didnt go so well.

Having my sister here has made things hard because they have also became best friends over the last few yrs. This has really complicated things

I am having a hard time detaching, but have been trying really hard to GAL. I care so much and love her so much that Im having a hard time not caring even after everything she has done and how she has treated me. I'm trying to treat her like a roomate, but because I am a person that has never been able to hide my emotions it has been hard. Some days I do better than others. She knows me so well that even when I think i am doing a good job hiding my feels she knows that something is wrong. I wish I was a better actor


M: 32 W: 35
M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple
W "unhappy" April 2015
D first asked for mid May 2015
2nd D end of June 2015
D papers in hand, just have to sign
Start of piecing 8/20/15
A confirmed 1/2/15
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,807
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Hi PT

I just wanted to stop by and say Hi and will be glad to offer any support I can. I know this is VERY HARD.

But the board does really help. There are many supportive and kind people here who can guide you to get your self respect back, get your confidence back and how to deal with relaionship situations.

The key is detachment. Try to be polite but distant with her. GAL as much as possible and keep a PMA. Acting is skill you can improve. Keep a PMA around her at all times. When the WAW see's their partner moping around, it is a huge turn off and fuels the fire of "who wants to be around that".

As for your sister and you WAW being best friends. Wow. Have you talked to your sister about this? Are you clear where her loyalties lie? Does she know the situation? Definately complicates things.

I will be in touch.

Last edited by HeavyD; 07/29/15 04:39 PM.

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Heavy
Thanks for stopping by. Yes my sister is also angry and hurt by my wife. She doesn't understand why she couldn't give us a second chance and she has a hard time watching her treat me this way. My sisters advice is exactly what MWD says in her book. But she is still living there and must be cordial. My W is nice to her and does care what she thinks so she goes out of her way for her. This is hard for me to watch


M: 32 W: 35
M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple
W "unhappy" April 2015
D first asked for mid May 2015
2nd D end of June 2015
D papers in hand, just have to sign
Start of piecing 8/20/15
A confirmed 1/2/15
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 75
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PT33 Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 75
Hey all
I have a question. I have been trying to stop doing nice things for her (doing laundry, doing all the cleaning, laying out meds, cooking, etc) these are things that I did help with before but I should have helped out with more. My coach said it was ok, but I have read on here and from some of my friends that I shouldn't be doing those things anymore. For example she is out of body wash and has had to come ask me to use mine, my first thought is to stop and get some for her. Thoughts?


M: 32 W: 35
M 2 1/2 T 4 1/2 same sex couple
W "unhappy" April 2015
D first asked for mid May 2015
2nd D end of June 2015
D papers in hand, just have to sign
Start of piecing 8/20/15
A confirmed 1/2/15
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