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If you haven't already done so, you may want to begin reading some of the other threads around the DB community. When you feel comfortable, you may want to think about posting to others as well. When you do this, it opens up a communication line that creates new friendships, not only on their threads, but they will also come to visit yours.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hi haunted. Something that helped me in the beginning was counseling. He helped me to put the focus on myself. I wasn't eating or sleeping, got down to 93 pounds and was having anxiety attacks. He prescribed some mild antidepressants that helped me calm down and sleep, and I stopped them on my own after about a year.

Talking with a professional really helped, but if you decide to do it, make sure the person has some knowledge of MLC. Some IC's have been known to cause more damage. Mine didn't know much about MLC and made some pretty strong statements about H, having never met him.....but he did help to get my focus off H and onto what was best for myself and my son.

Hang in there, your feelings are normal. Ask us all the questions you want and like Job said, it helps to read others stories. This experience can be like the twilight zone. It helps to see others are going through similar situations and to read they have the same emotions as you.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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School starts back this coming week. I haven't been able to get anything temp filed yet, so I am scared he's going to come pull her out of school. He did it 3 years ago, so I know he will again.

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Originally Posted By: mleigh4
Hi haunted. Something that helped me in the beginning was counseling. He helped me to put the focus on myself. I wasn't eating or sleeping, got down to 93 pounds and was having anxiety attacks. He prescribed some mild antidepressants that helped me calm down and sleep, and I stopped them on my own after about a year.

Talking with a professional really helped, but if you decide to do it, make sure the person has some knowledge of MLC. Some IC's have been known to cause more damage. Mine didn't know much about MLC and made some pretty strong statements about H, having never met him.....but he did help to get my focus off H and onto what was best for myself and my son.

Hang in there, your feelings are normal. Ask us all the questions you want and like Job said, it helps to read others stories. This experience can be like the twilight zone. It helps to see others are going through similar situations and to read they have the same emotions as you.


I started individual counseling the week after he left. I felt a little better talking to someone. I go back in a week for my next session.

I had a horrible night of sleep last night. Constant waking up. It was awful

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I am so sorry, have been there. The beginning of this mess is extremely hard. Trying to sleep at night was the worst.

Please be good to yourself. Find things you like to do, reading, eating out with friends, watching movies.....basically GAL.

Over the counter sleep pills helped me too, even just half the dose so that I could still be coherent for son. Getting good sleep is really important right now.

Hang in there, we are here for you!


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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Hi haunted.

I'm so sorry this happening to you. You can check out my thread too. Same story. Weird alien has taken over my H. It's just sad about how much destruction they're causing - especially in children.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please keep the faith and focus on you and your children. (This is advice I keep hearing myself but seem to forget)

your MLC'er is getting all this new found attention - let's get it off of them. Focus - God, Family, you. Believe and hope that your H will learn and even if he doesn't, you'll have improved who you are.

God is good all the time. Praying for you.

In His Love

VGE1


Romans 8:28

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Hi Haunted,

*Small disclaimer: I am by no means a veteran in dealing with this situation, simply offering what has worked for me thus far. The vets here know what they're talking about -- Listen to them!*

I have also struggled with not contacting my W. One thing I tried has helped me a lot, I hope that it can help you as well. My therapist suggested that I find a friend and talk to them about the situation, with the understanding that all I was looking for was support for what I thought was the best way to move forward with my marriage. I went to one of the people I thought I could trust and started the conversation with, "I really need someone to talk to but it is equally important that you support my decisions on the matter. Is that something you feel like you can do?" He said yes and has lived up to it. He has also been kind enough to allow me to call him anytime the urge to call my W is getting too strong. I spend an hour or so talking with him and I am able to keep from reaching out to my wife.

Also, I second Caliguy's suggestion of nuking facebook. Don't look into it, don't seek out news from it via other people with access to his newsfeed. It will save you a lot of pain and sanity.

As far as the horrible things they're going to say ... I try to look at it as my wife is ill. These are symptoms of her illness. She has said horrid things to me and I remind myself that I would not be upset with someone with cancer being in pain (it is a symptom of the illness), so I don't upset with the things she says. That's not to say that you should remain in the conversation and take the abuse, it is better to remove yourself from the conversation, but I have found that this has helped me to stop echoing her statements over and over in my head. The illness approach doesn't mean they get a free pass if you start moving in a good direction, but I like to think it helps to keep me sane while I am running my marathon.

For the time being, I would accept that communication can't happen right now. You can't make any progress in your relationship until your husband is ready to start moving forward a bit. You can work on things for yourself and your kids. Do all you can to make every other facet of your life good. Are there hobbies or friends you used to have but you gave them up for your relationship?

It may seem that he has all of the power in the relationship right now, but that isn't entirely true. It has helped me a lot to realize that I choose when I walk away. I choose how long I give this relationship. Don't do anything you aren't ready for yet. If MIL says H wants a divorce, don't file for him if you aren't ready. If he wants the D so badly, he'll need to file himself.

Everyone here is very supportive, try to find good things in life and focus on those. I believe this board is one of those good things.

Hang in there, Haunted. It will get better one way or the other.


M: 38 W: 37
T: 20 M: 19
Kids: Stepson?20, S19, S16, D12
BD: 02/19/2015 (She moved out)
PA Confirmed: 02/22/2015 (She is now living with OM)
Dazed and confused: 09/13/2015
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Hi Haunted

I am so sorry that you find yourself here, but so pleased that you do as you will get support and advice from those who completely understand what you are going through.

My first thought is to get yourself off any social media - I not only defriended my h from f/b I stayed off it for a few months while I got more comfortable with not snooping or contacting him. I put messenger on to my phone so I could still get messages from my friends without going on to f/b itself. Basically the harsh reality is - you snoop, it will hurt.

Everyone is different in how they find ways to cope with the first few months, its really hard I know and I completely empathise with you - I found journaling helped, writing down absolutely everything that was in my head as it was better out than in - in the beginning I went through so many books that I changed to the computer, writing in my journal all through the day. Distraction is the key - finding something that focuses your mind so much that it causes a break in the movie that is playing in your head - I did colouring books, took on a college course and played music very very loudly !!

No contact - now thats a challenge, But the longer you can go without you contacting him the easier it becomes. If he contacts you, keep it short and stick to the question your h has asked and offer/ask no more.

Its time to try and focus on you and your c, find something in your day that is just for you - even if it is a bath or a walk, start off small and work your way up to filling your life with things you enjoy doing - you will see GAL written here alot. Make sure you look after yourself, eat sleep and try not to isolate yourself.

Haunted - you are doing really well, you can and will get through this, we are here to help you through this minefield. Read everything you can, ask questions, knowledge is power when it comes to the MLC crazy.

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So, my daughter wants to go to six flags for her birthday and wants him to go. She called him today to ask him. He told her he already had plans but could see what he could do.

He texts me a little while later and says he'll go but he will not share a room with me. I haven't even talked to him about it or made mention of getting a room together. It was kinda out of left field.

I didn't respond back because i really didn't even know how to respond to it

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Originally Posted By: vge1
Hi haunted.

I'm so sorry this happening to you. You can check out my thread too. Same story. Weird alien has taken over my H. It's just sad about how much destruction they're causing - especially in children.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please keep the faith and focus on you and your children. (This is advice I keep hearing myself but seem to forget)

your MLC'er is getting all this new found attention - let's get it off of them. Focus - God, Family, you. Believe and hope that your H will learn and even if he doesn't, you'll have improved who you are.

God is good all the time. Praying for you.

In His Love

VGE1


Romans 8:28


What is your thread titled?

it really is sad. I hate seeing the destruction and hate. I hate having to wipe the tears that he is causing. It's breaking my heart.

Thank you so much for your kind words

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