There's more on going dark haunted - it's the 1st of Cadet's links (for good reason). Just do what Caliguy advised until you get to the information - no contact as far a possible.
Know your mind is full & you have much homework to read. That will keep you very busy! Take care, ok? p.
pbetra ---- M: 15 yrs (in 2014) BD: 6/03/2014 Infidelity ('known' from July 2014) Denied PA Feb 2015 2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact. Back briefly 2017 (after family death) Separated 2017
So, his mom texted me and told me she thinks he just doesn't want to be tied down. Like what the heck? What a perfect time to decide you don't want to be tied down. This is really why I think he's having a MLC. The searching for younger women, wanting freedom. I could be wrong. I don't know. I am still as lost and confused as I was when he first left and it's been two weeks.
So, his mom texted me and told me she thinks he just doesn't want to be tied down. Like what the heck? What a perfect time to decide you don't want to be tied down. This is really why I think he's having a MLC. The searching for younger women, wanting freedom. I could be wrong. I don't know. I am still as lost and confused as I was when he first left and it's been two weeks.
Haunted .. read up on Boundaries ... I think at this point you do need to set a firm one with MIL, YOUR M is you and your H's buisness .. not hers. I would try to limit talks to MIL just about the kids .... thats it .. if H wants to tell you something it should come from him .. not his momma.
Oh gosh, this reminds me of Calibri's sitch in Newcomers. She doesn't post much nowadays, but I seem to recall that her H's Mum actually rang her to let her know that her H wanted a D. It took her a little while to come to terms with Mummy delivering this message on his behalf!
I agree about the boundary. You don't want MIL as a go-between, that's for sure...
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Yeah, she is the one that told me he left and wanted a divorce and that he wasn't in love with me either. She's always tried to run our marriage and our life. Now she's able to run his again.
I think the most bothersome part is he doesn't acknowledge the kids. Our daughter is a big daddy's girl. This is breaking her. His mom had the nerve to say the reason he isn't seeing her is because he wants her to get use to this. She's influencing him so bad right now. When he was a child, she would never come home after work, would go to her apartment with her new boyfriend, left her kids with people for months at a time. He has talked about how painful that was and how he would cry because she wouldn't come home. I think that has a lot to do with how he is now. After he left me, he told her he knows he is suppose to leave and cleave, she said I don't know where you heard that BS from but I am the one that brought you in this world. I feel like nothing will ever get resolved and this marriage ever work because of her. She has him where she wants him. He is there to help her in any way she needs. They are moving into an apartment together this weekend. I guess I feel bitter. Bitter that he can do for her but can't do for his children. He makes her the priority instead of his daughter. I just want him to wake up from this. I pray every night and I feel so defeated.
I've read your postings and the first thing you must do is not respond to any more of your MIL's text messages unless it's something of interest to you, i.e., other than your issues w/your h right now. Your h is a grown man and if he needs to advise you of something, HE should do it, not his mother. He's acting like a 6 year old and needs his mother to tell the big, bad woman to leave him alone. Gosh, I need to shake that woman until her eyeballs roll out on the floor because she may be the reason he's having a crisis right now.
About your child, don't expect him to the be father of the year. When they are in crisis, many of them tend to ignore their children or have very little to do w/them. It's normal behavior. It's nothing to worry about because at some point, he will ask about her and possibly speak to her.
I would only contact him if it's an emergency or child related, nothing more. As for his mother...nip the communications and the next time you do happen to hear from her, tell her that her son, who is your husband, should be contacting you and that he doesn't need someone to relay messages to you. This mother is bad news and nothing you say or do will change her view of things right now because her little baby boy has told so many lies to vilify you to justify why he left. BTW, they all do that too.
Live your life as best as you can. Keep the focus on you and your child and be sure your accounts are taken care of. If you have joint accounts, set up a new one, if you have joint credit card accounts, get his name off of them or have your name removed. Why? Because he's likely to spend to his heart's content.
I'm very sorry this is happening to you, however, I'm glad you found this forum. There are many people here in all stages of the MLC twister. Come here to ask questions, vent or just to read and post. There is always someone here.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
