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New tread, new D, new life... maybe this will be the time I will start doing the real work on myself. Have so many questions, so much doubt, so much of good and bad altogether.

It has been a roller coaster ride right. And I am trying to get out because my stomach is really sick.

I know more or less what to do, the practical side seems to be easy to deal with. But on the emotional front, there are a real mix up mess of emotions.

Well, I am here to learn and I am sure someone with experience will give me some advice and I will be happier because of it.

This journey was tough and I am sure I got here in one piece because so many good people helped me to keep going.

THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU, YOU ARE A LIFE SAVER!!!!!

Pink


previous thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2576302#Post2576302

Last edited by Cadet; 07/22/15 03:49 AM. Reason: Link

Pink17
S22,19 and 16
D:8/5/2015



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When my D was finalized I moved into my new house so that kept me busy for quite a while. If you have read the book and followed along with other people then you know what to do, GAL. I would suggest doing things that are just for you.

I found that the D really changed my mindset and I went completly dark with the XW. When exchanging the kids I may only have said two or three words. Making her role in my life the absolute minimum possible really helped. I was not rude or mean but I definetely was not warm with her.

Spend time with friends too, it helped when I could talk with them about it when I wanted to and I could also just have fun and not think about it.

Emotions should start to level out but it will take time. I still have moments but the highs and lows dont swing up and down wildly anymore.

Staying active or at least engaged on the board helped me also. I journaled for a while about weekly. I dont post as much as I used too but there wasnt too much to report either.

Hang in there and think of positives everyday. I refused to let myself get bummed out and sad. I allow myself two days to feel sorry for myself and then I get back to work on me.

Hope this helps


M:34 XW:34
Together: 10y
Living: 9y
Married: 7y
Son:6 Son:4
Separated: 12/28/13
Piecing: 5/2/14
Separated 2nd: 10/16/14
W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14
papers served: 1/27/15
D final: 3/6/15
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Welcome to your new thread Pink! This is a new phase for you and hopefully it will be a positive one. I think you are doing really well. And in a practical sense, things are pretty much resolved. You know where you are living, finances are resolved and so on.

As you say, it takes our emotions longer to catch up, and that's an area to keep working on as we all are. Being aware of what we are feeling, accepting it, releasing it and so on.

You have many good things going on in your life. And when I think of you, I see a lovely, passionate woman, full of life. Yes, you have been having a tough time - but behind that, the essence of you is there and will resurface.

Some good advice from Gogofo for you too.....take care lovely P! xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Hi Pink,

Agreeing with Toots here (unsurprisingly)

Its a tough road, no doubt about that, but you and your boys will emerge the stronger for it. And if there is a positive i'm sure your boys have learnt a lot from the poor example your H has set and the good example you have which will help them find happiness in their own future relationships.

When all is said and done you will be fine and you'll be happy.

Have a great day smile


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
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Thanks Gogofo, I am trying to keep perspective on what is positive and I should be thankful that there's plenty more then negatives.

I am also completely dark, and as you said I also find much easier without any contact.

Went to the Brazilian band event last Friday with some friends. It was fun and in the same time I felt very empty. I guess I just need to keep going and eventually it will all fall into place and be more peaceful inside of me.

Have been with some trouble not regarding H itself. I know well I want him as far as possible these days. But I find myself wondering around rejection.

My IC said that this are also the main issues from my childhood and it is normal to get stock in those feeling again. He also said that I am a leader with a strong personality and that I make things harder for myself because I want everything resolved fast and clean. He just keep saying that D is not something that gets resolved overnight.

Hi Toots, thanks for all your support and encouragement. Had a good cry yesterday. It somehow cleans the house once in a while. It realizes some pressure and keeps me going.

Hi Jim, indeed it is a tough road and you know well my friend. Regarding being an example, I think most of the time I have been holding it all together and my boys are getting a lot more confident that life will go on and we won't starve...boys, you know, they always think if they will have the hamburger on the grill tomorrow.

Here are some of what is going on right now:

1.Going full time in my job starting August 3rd.
2.Setting up my own bank account, savings, car and house insurance, utilities.
3.The kids and I have been penciling some budget, but this week we have a meeting schedule for us four to go on the budget details and finalize it.
4.S15 start football practices in august, every day work out.
5.S17 is getting his driving permit (poor thing, got all delayed).
6.S17 is looking into college and soon we will start scheduling some visits on the local ones (Colorado state)for him to get an idea.
7.Finally have a time schedule to get all the equipment we need for him to do a home music recording.
8.School is around the corner, so get some school shopping this week.
9.Sitting with the bank this week to find out what are the requirements for refinancing the house only on my name, as determined by law a year after the D.
10.Have a painting project with S15. We are adding another earth color to two walls in the first floor, I think it will give us a boost and the house will look a little different too.
11.S15 and I will paint two benches that are not looking so good right now.
12.Need to get the garage organized till the end of the summer, with the help of the three boys.
13.GAL... I am still going to the gym as much as possible.
There are plenty of concerts around since it is summer time, so we go whatever sounds better.
Keep the samba fresh... Friday night, if I am in a mood, not too tired.
Have Zumba class on Saturday morning.
Hiking with some friends. Colorado has some beautiful places to walk.
Want to go back to school, feel really strong about it. So I am researching my choices right now.

I guess the boys and I will be very busy for the next few weeks of summer.

Tomorrow 7/21, is XH birthday. At first I tough about sending him a TM whishing him a Happy B-Day, but I am not feeling like it anymore. Fill it is best to just LET GO on this one.

Hope you all have a great day! XOXO
Pink


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Hi Pink. Sounds like a great list I have no doubt you will get through it !!!

I want to wish you all the best with your new adventure. Give yourself time to heal and let life come to you. I get you exactly re rejection and I feel the same way however I think you can tell by how people react to you that you anyone who would reject you is doing so for reasons in the head and not for any real world reasons.

You are a great person and life will be good again We have connected on the Internet and I'm very grateful to you for always being there for me. I have said it time and time again , your H will regret this for the rest of his life

I hope you keep posting and we all get to see the Phoenix arising from the ashes

Pink is going to be ok and she will thrive in her new life

Nothing but positive thoughts flooding your way

Take care Cira. Rd xxxx

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Hi Pink, it sounds like you have a good plan and I will keep you in my prayers. You are a strong woman and your boys are lucky that they have you. I am sorry for your situation, but I have a strong suspicion that you will be ok. Don't wish him a happy birthday, do something for yourself instead. I hope you find some peace today.



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A pink phoenix - I have a vision in my mind...

Wow, that's quite a list my friend!! Little time to worry about H amidst all that busyness..

But time to heal and grow your feathers in the flames, ready for flight.

Do whatever you prefer on his birthday...if you feel like texting, text. If you want to leave it, leave it....all will be well eittther way.

Take care Pink xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Originally Posted By: Pink17
I am OK and I believe I will feel better, I just need time.
Hello Pink,

I wanted to stop by and see how you are. It seems to me that you are doing as well as possible under the circumstances. Time is your friend.

I will dedicate a prayer to you right after this post.

Bob xoxo


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
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Updating...things are getting much worse and I am kind o lost of what to do.

On 7/21 was my EH's B-Day and I finally decided to send a TM whishing him a Happy B-Day!. Simple, fast.

No word from XH all day. When I got home I asked the boys if they had anything planned with their dad. S15 said that he text him and he answer saying that wouldn't force anyone to be with him on his birthday. Odd!

I start saying to S15 that they could go somewhere and meet their father for dinner or something. At this moment my MIL called crying her lungs out, asking me to help her and get together with EX for his B-Day or at least take the boys to celebrate with him.

She said that XH was very depressed, that she was really worry about him and that she felt he was extremely unhappy. I told her many things that have been happening and she said that she did not know many things.

The boys did not want to go, but I told them to get ready and that was the end of conversation. Once we get to XH's place, I knocked the door and XH opened the door. It seems he saw a ghost. I told him that the boys were in a car and that we were there to take him out for dinner to celebrate his birthday.

H did not say a word, he cried hard, the way I actually never saw before. I told him he did not need to go out and he said he wanted. We all got inside my car and went to a pub that closes very late.

Many times during dinner H would say something and then tears were rolling. You actually feel sorry for him.

He told us that the night before he got locked out of the house and end up sleeping in his car.

When we were walking back to the car he said that it was really nice to do this for him. He said that he felt better that I was there. I said that I wish I didn't need to be there because there is a reason he wants a divorce.

Then XH starting saying how he feels that if he would die that it would all end. That he is very, very lost and can't manage o make things right. That he wishes he can open a hole in the ground and get himself inside there forever.

I told him that as a man of faith he would be the last to say that on his B-Day. XH said that everyone would be better off without him, that he feels he needs to go and that he has been contemplating death and it fits his purposes.

I drove him back to his place and for a change he said "I love you very much Pink", with tears in his eyes.

The next day I called his stepmother and told about his talk about death and so I called his real mom and told her too.

It's crazy, XH looks like he is dead already. He is so, so unhappy it is scary. His mom said that she never tough about seeing him so unhappy.

I don't get it. He is getting worse all the time. I am not sure if he is really talking serious and I am not sure if he is just saying it to manipulate the situation and make us feel sorry for them.

IDK, it is hard, and it is very sad. H has everything to be happy and yet he is the saddest person in the world right now.

IK+DK what to do. I am thinking to ask him for some a meeting and try to convince him to get some professional help. If he agrees then good, if he doesn't then I will call his family again and say that they need to step up big time.

When is this going to end? Why is him so unhappy. His life is a mess and it seems that every day he gets worse. I am tired, very tired of all this. There is so much at play right now. Custody, we have a date to get in front of the judge to decide our final D. H is very unbalanced right now... what about driving my kids around?

If you guys have any advice, it is appreciate. I don't even know what is DB or not. I am starting believe that MLC is a real thing that happen to people.

I feel I am going crazy too.

Love,
Pink


Pink17
S22,19 and 16
D:8/5/2015



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