I'm so close to call it a day. Is it all worth it? Can I forgive? Do people really succeed in DB? I'm reading a lot of posts but it doesn't seem that there is a positive outcome!
So sorry Rouky. You are fighting for your family and one day they will appreciate it. It is such a selfless act on your part. I know the pain that you feel and there is nothing more difficult. If you think of your husband as being a child you may be able to see how he can hurt the one who loves him more than anyone else. Maybe you have heard a child say "I hate you Mommy." Everyone knows that the child doesn't mean that but the child has the confidence that Mommy will love them no matter what they do. I think it is the same when a WAS does it. They can't imagine you not ever being there for them. Until they fear losing us they will never be affected by that thought. I eventually reached a point where I could DB no longer. Everything blew apart at that point. My love for my wife could no longer make up for the pain that she is putting me through. Only you can determine when you have had enough. But know in your heart that you tried as hard as you could for as long as you could.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
H asked about Christmas, and if I was going away to see family. I replied no and he asked if he could stay at the house on Christmas Eve and Day, to which I said no. I added that he could have the kids the next day. He wanted to know why I wouldn't let him be with us on Christmas. I told him not in front of the kids.
He left without saying anything. He was surprised when I told him no, but I was even surprised he asked about it as he leaves things always the last minute!
So proud of you Rouky. You are so strong. You are going to cure him yet! Sounds like you are setting boundries and doing 180's. Be strong and have faith that you are doing your best.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
I had a brilliant day despite a big issue in house. Before I'd have been extremely stressed and fear would have taken hold of me, but this time it wasn't good. Just a bit of adrelanine rush, and fear was gone.
He was supposed to see kids & when he didn't turn up I rang. He was angry but still came and sat down for a drink.
I validated what he was saying and before he left I said thank you for his help with the house, and leant over to give him a kiss on cheek. He didn't pull away and added that it wouldn't be responsible of him not to sort out the problem.
Still some negative comments from him but he came, stayed for a drink and didn't seem that disgusted when I kissed him. Only time will tell
Nice job Rouky. I hope you had on something cute and your hair done and makeup and some perfume. Keep working this guy and praying. I hope you find peace very soon.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
I had actually just came out of hairdresser and I really felt pretty. He noticed and said that my hair are short (never had short hair when we were together) and said it looked nice. I felt he said it because he had to say it, but I didn't care as he had made a comment.
I feel that if he hadn't made any comments, it would have shown how indifferent he was to what ever I do. Whereas if he made a comment bad or negative, he was paying attention.
I'm quite certain he noticed. Take it from a guy! Keep the pressure on him by always looking hot, feeling confident and get him thinking that plenty of men would love to have you. Oh and smell good too. He will be fully aware that you are drawing attention from all the guys!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Lately I have been feeling well. I'm moving on with my life, and doesn't feel anymore apprehensive when H comes round to see kids.
I was surprised that he hadn't forgotten to babysit for me (usually he does forget everything I ask him when related to kids), and he even asked me if I had a good time! A first.
I have also been able to validate what he says, and being firmer with my boundaries. Usually he does what he pleases when it comes to turn up to pick up the girls. Today he tried it on, so I dropped them to his place as I had other plans. Last time I did that he was angry, but today he was fine. Is he realising that I'm no longer a doormat?
He has accepted to look after them while I go on training courses for two days, and said he'll see the girls on Mon despite him being with them for two days straight on Tuesday and Wednesday.
It has been 3 days now that I kiss him on the cheek to say thank for something he has done. He hasn't ask me to stop or didn't push me away, so I guess it could be a good sign.
