Me again ive read some more of your posts and im so sorry again for you sit. With that said I wonder if your expressing here your anger and frustration which is good but probably not good if your doing the same to H. I understand where your cominhg from believe me but is he getting more of the same from you now as he was before? If he isnt spending time w/ kids thats his loss. I would encourage you to have a PMA whenever you are discussing things and try to look happy with yourself around him. He'll notice a change in you. Give him something to think about whats different with you. Try some of the 180's that have been mentioned. I bet you will start to feel better as well. Good luck to you. Talk soon.
Married 1991 D 23 GD 3 D 21 S 20 M 49 S 48 1st bomb 2008 2nd bomb 4/2015 same person I fear those big words which make us so unhappy.
To be honest I'm finding it hard to do things differently. I guess as I have been like that for years, it'll take time to turn round. Little step everyday.
My goals: 1) to take care of myself physically ( wear bright colours) 2) to be happy (see glass half full) 3) to reduce amount of stress (job related, so need to find new technics) 4) spend every moment of the day with kids
Goal one is well under way. Goal 2 is in process. Goal 3 still not managing it and goal 4 in process :-)
This is funny how everyone tries to tell you what they think is the best for you. To reply to you shotgun, I'm very well thanks for asking. Went back to see my family and friends and everyone kept giving me advice! I did find it funny as their views were very strong but I understand in a way they tried their best to offer me support :-)
Had very limited contact with H, which was nice. We arrived late but he had prepared some food for us and he waited until our arrival. It was strange that he had prepared some food as earlier in the day he said that I should get food for the kids and I (which i did).
I did thanks him for preparing the food, looking after the house while I was gone. One thing I have found disturbing is that he didn't sleep in the spare room like he said he would but in the marital bed. Well I guess he didn't want to make his bed!
Being around family can be tough and a blessing at the same time. They want to help you so badly but don't know how. I'm not sure how I could get through this without my sisters holding me up and keeping me thinking positively about the future.
Are you able to do much DBing? I still can't help but feel that your H will crumble when he sees you looking pretty and enjoying new activities and having fun.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Thank for these kind words. I do miss my family and my friends keep telling me that I should be over by now (to which I disagree).
I'm finding hard to DB. I feel better in myself in how I look and it is nice to have men smiling at me, but no response from H. He won't even look me in the eyes! I can feel but sense that my M is for definite over and there is no way back from him.
I'm DB for myself, I'm getting there but there will be few hurdles ahead of me when I'm back at work and pressure to deliver and succeed is put upon me.
For my H, he is going to be part of my life for the rest of it, so I might as well be friendly and amicable with me. It still hurts like hell, but looking backward won't help me to heal.
It is interesting that your husband cannot look you in the eyes. My W was the same for a long time. I believe in that period she was very torn about what she wanted. I also believe that she had a tremendous amount of guilt. Lord knows what it means for your husband but it is definitely a section of the roller coaster that we all ride on. Hold on tight and keep working for yourself and your children. God Bless You.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Not so sure H feels guilty! He said he'll no longer work on Saturdays, nor do favours for friends. Then, tonight he tells me that he has to work tomorrow for a friend.
Now I can clearly see that he can't be trusted. I really don't think I can save my marriage. It's so sad to come to that conclusion.
When I got back from my holidays, he had tea ready for the 3 of us (which he didn't do at all last year). Would you consider this as baby step?
This week, he has been quick to read and reply within reasonable time to my texts regarding the kids. Again I'd initiate them as he never seems to ask to see his kids. I always have to contact him as I need to know so I can plan my time when he has the kids.
I would have thought that if he is saying that his kids are his family he would try to make more contact, or do you think because he knows that I'll do it in the end, so why bother.
I have the impression I'm too available. Any thoughts? Can I go dark when I have kids?
H was very cold today. Couldn't look me in the eyes. He took the girls to a family party, and brought them back without a word. It felt like he was angry. Probably due to the fact that earlier I dropped his mail to his "house".
I have been away for a couple of weeks and never felt better. Since I have returned I can't help but think about the situation I'm in, and I can clearly see that it's destroying me. It's not healthy and now I don't know what I really want.
Surely if he wanted to work on our M by now he'd have realised that and started to make some little steps towards it but nothing happens.
I'm all over the shop and don't know what to do. Any advice?
