Of course it isn't fair. A big part of what they do is try to convince us that their bad behavior is our fault. It is abusive. They just had to cheat on us because of our inability to meet their emotional needs.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
On another note, H texted me to say at what they will be home. Nothing wrong with that you could tell me, except that they were supposed to arrive at lunch time. As I didn't hear from them for 3 days, I assume they'll be arriving early evening. So had already planned something. Anyway arrived late and they weren't even there!
I guess he was expecting of me to wait for him! Anyway he literally dropped the stuff and the kids off and he was off saying that he had loads to do! He also added that he won't see the kids tomorrow as he needs a rest before going back to work! Fair enough as he never went on his own with the kids, and certainly not that long!
Girls talked about the holidays and that daddy was on the phone a lot and that a male person was ringing him a lot! Hum!!
TBH it hurt as I'm still hoping for reconciliation, but how cold he was today and with that mysterious caller, I guess I'm hitting my head against a brick wall!
Why do I want to hurt myself if there is someone else on the scene on his side? We are not even legally separated! He has no f.....g descency or courage to end our marriage properly!
I'm with you there Rouky. The coldness is hard to stomach. I was listening to a therapist lecturing on the radio a long time ago and her thesis was that you could only hate someone that you love. If you had no feelings for them there wouldn't be hate either. That surely confuses the issue but all of this transpires with extreme emotion. The DB idea of detachment would help soften the blow of our spouse's anger/hatred if we could just do it. It is the hardest thing for me to do. I am ready for a divorce but I still love my wife. Try to focus on your children and do something nice for yourself. Do you ever go out for a drink with some girlfriends? I'm going out with the guys tonight. Really looking forward to it. All of the time from December when I first started to have health problems until I started feeling better a month or so ago, I wanted to do this but was just too sick. I feel like I was cheated out of an opportunity to DB. Probably would not have mattered but I wish that I knew. My W once told me that leaving me would only bother her if my new girlfriend was pretty. By that she meant thin.
Enough about me, you need to get a babysitter and go do something with a friend!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
In that case my H must still be in love with his previous partner :-). Had an excellent day with kids. Took them to see my FIL (H has cut ties with him and said that he could no longer see our kids! Obviously didn't agree with it as they don't have my dad around, and you should never cut grand-parents from grandchildren!)
Then we went for a bike ride and a swim. The girls had a lovely time. Did feel sad as it should have been family time, but again I didn't ask for any of this. Then I thought that he is the one missing on it!
I went out a lot last week when I was on my own, and now getting ready to go to my family. Haven't seen them for a year!
Happy for you to be seeing your family. I think they are going to lift you the way you need to be. Very intelligent of you and courageous to ignore you H wishes. Your kids need to feel some measure of normalcy.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
H stoppes by to say bye to the kids. I was very civil and surprised that i was able to keep my PMA up as was really down this morning. I took our dog for a walk and he stayed a bit after and talked about his job, the holidays with the kids and his future projects regarding his hobbies. I validated, and one of the girl asked him if he could come tomorrow to say bye. He said he would try, which was nice of him to have said that.
Told me he wasn't doing any more weekend works ( one of my condition), but it remains to be seen if he acts upon it and wish us a good journey.
Rouky, Thanks for visiting my sit earlier.. just read to here so theres more for me to catch up on I see. Im sorry your going through this rough time. We can work together for bettering ourselves at this point. I too believe that you are not crazy for wanting to save your M and keep your family together I too am wanting and willing to do the hard work to do so. I hope my H is. The thing is probably not everything was horrible. A few bad choices made a few unresolved issues and lack of good honest communication is probably some of the blame. What are you doing for yourself that helps you feel better about the sit? I love being busy as it helps to pass the time which = less thinking about the sit time. I know in the beginning for me , all I could think about was he and she and it drove me crazy! I focused so much time and energy and all it did was give more power to that sit and made me miserable. I can tell you know that I have been doing DB reading Dr and keeping myself busy GAL that I invest little time or energy on that now because it does nothing but beat me up. Im better than that! And I bet you are too. Your worth it! I hope you can find the strength to continue to do what feels best for you and your family. Talk soon.
Married 1991 D 23 GD 3 D 21 S 20 M 49 S 48 1st bomb 2008 2nd bomb 4/2015 same person I fear those big words which make us so unhappy.
