PigPen's Dropped Rope - WAW and Waiting (4)

[PigPen]

You're both right, it was weak. We got him together, and truthfully he spent most of his time with me.

My W had to sleep with earplugs and a fan on her side of the bed and on many occasions our little special one had to be let out at night, or multiple times a night. This was for years. I got up and let him out every time. No matter that I had to be at work at 5:45 every morning to see clients.

She knows exactly how to talk to me and interact with me to make me feel doing what she wants is the best way to go. I still have a lot of work left in standing up for myself and what I want.

Thank you both again.

PP

[PigPen]

Who am I kidding, I'm getting anything done at work today.

Thoughts? My thanks again to you both for giving me your time today.

PP

Hi W,

I read your email and appreciate all your concerns, as well the life he lives with you. Truly, I've weighed this all carefully and that is why I decided not to ask for Woof to live with me full time at this point.

Since my Spanish is impeccable, I’m more than happy to chat with him about where he wants to end up when that time comes. (drop this all together? Leave it in for humor?)

However, I think the value of my relationship with Woof hasn’t been fully realized on your end. To be clear, my relationship with him is VERY important to me, and I do not want to disappear from his life nor him from mine, just because we are not together anymore. Coming to see him once in a while is not an acceptable option.

So I propose the following dates:

7/24 – 8/7 he’s with me.
8/7 – 8/21 he’s with you.
8/22 – 9/4 he’s with me.
9/5 – 9/20 he’s with you.

That’s two weeks with each of us, if you’d like longer stretches for travel convenience; I’m open to it. He now has the ability to go back and forth between two homes and routines that he now knows well.

I can come down on Friday evening and pick him up from WORK, as well as anytime on Sunday. Please let me know which is best.


Thanks,
PP

[jedi]

Hi W,

My relationship with him is VERY important to me, and I do not want to disappear from his life nor him from mine, just because we are not together anymore. Coming to see him once in a while is not an acceptable option.

So I propose the following dates:

7/24 – 8/7 he’s with me.
8/7 – 8/21 he’s with you.
8/22 – 9/4 he’s with me.
9/5 – 9/20 he’s with you.

That’s two weeks with each of us, if you’d like longer stretches for travel convenience; I’m open to it.

I can come down on Friday evening and pick him up from WORK, as well as anytime on Sunday. Please let me know which is best.


Thanks,
PP

PP,

I'm not even sure I want to tag into this round since I'm going to be out of my league against Wonka and 25, but I took out what I think is a bunch of fluff when I quoted above. To me, the other parts seemed to come across as mind reading for some reason, or just plain unnecessary. Perhaps I just like the tone of it better when it's all about you and your needs, and anything to do with her and how she may or may not feel is left off. Either way, just my .02.

I will say however that if your dog's name is Baxter, and he likes cheese, then by all means leave the Spanish portion in there!

[PigPen]

Thanks Jedi, I appreciate the input. I woke up and re read her email. It didn't help my detachment to read about how I should be giving up my dog, and all of the reasons whey it's the right decision for everyone involved. And why I should agree to this. And if I do so, how I'll be able to see him a few times a year.

Today is going to be a big breath day, lots of them. Thank god for this forum.

[Wonka]

PP,

Help is on the way!

W's Original Response

"I think if we were to ask him (the dog), he'd say he just wants to stay with me. So I hope we can just make this easy. If you agree, you can come down and see him every once in a while."

PP's Latest Draft Response

Hi W,

I read your email and appreciate all your concerns, as well the life he lives with you. Truly, I've weighed this all carefully and that is why I decided not to ask for Woof to live with me full time at this point.

Since my Spanish is impeccable, I’m more than happy to chat with him about where he wants to end up when that time comes. (drop this all together? Leave it in for humor?)

However, I think the value of my relationship with Woof hasn’t been fully realized on your end. To be clear, my relationship with him is VERY important to me, and I do not want to disappear from his life nor him from mine, just because we are not together anymore. Coming to see him once in a while is not an acceptable option.

So I propose the following dates:

7/24 – 8/7 he’s with me.
8/7 – 8/21 he’s with you.
8/22 – 9/4 he’s with me.
9/5 – 9/20 he’s with you.

That’s two weeks with each of us, if you’d like longer stretches for travel convenience; I’m open to it. He now has the ability to go back and forth between two homes and routines that he now knows well.

I can come down on Friday evening and pick him up from WORK, as well as anytime on Sunday. Please let me know which is best.


Thanks,
PP

Wonka's View

Still too wordy. Keep it short and simple.

Wonka's Original Suggestion


"I think it's important that we focus on having some individual time with the dog. As you can imagine, we both love the dog very much...he's a lovable snuggle bug who is our baby. I propose that we come up with a fairly equitable schedule. I would like to pick up the dog and keep him with me for 1 week and then drop him off with you for the next two to three weeks? Naturally, we would ensure that food, toys and other comforts are packed for him. Thoughts? Thanks- PP."

I've just added new changes in blue. You can insert the proposed schedule in there. Then close it with your line: I can come down on Friday evening and pick him up from WORK, as well as anytime on Sunday. Please let me know which is best.


PP, I like this opening line:

I read your email and appreciate all your concerns, as well the life he lives with you. Truly, I've weighed this all carefully and that is why I decided not to ask for Woof to live with me full time at this point. Are you feeling scared in this situation because you feel the need to protect the dog?

Summary

W,

I read your email and appreciate all your concerns. Are you feeling scared in this situation because you feel the need to protect the dog?

I think it's important that we focus on having some individual quality time with the dogname. As you can imagine, we both love him very much...he's a lovable snuggle bug who is our baby. I propose that we come up with a fairly equitable schedule.

So I propose the following dates:

7/24 – 8/7 he’s with me.
8/7 – 8/21 he’s with you.
8/22 – 9/4 he’s with me.
9/5 – 9/20 he’s with you.

That’s two weeks with each of us, if you’d like longer stretches for travel convenience; I’m open to it.

Naturally, we would ensure that food, toys and other comforts are packed for him. I can come down on Friday evening and pick him up from WORK, as well as anytime on Sunday. Please let me know which is best. Thoughts?

Thanks for listening.

Have a good day.

PP

[PigPen]

Beautiful Wonka, I hope someday to give you a giant, but respectful kiss on the cheek!

I'll send this off today and let you know how she replies. Her original email was a full page and a half, loving, flirty, and what do you know...I even got a "Lots of Love, W" as the salutation. So different from the usual "Take care"

I think this is a great mix of understanding, and not being a doormat. My next step is to work on why I feel I should still be a doormat in hopes of getting scraps. When I first read her email it was like I was under a spell, agreeing with everything and thankful that maybe I could get to see him from time to time...lucky me.

You're a huge asset Wonka, I can't tell you enough how grateful I am.

PP

[Wonka]

Thanks for the lovely sentiments, PP. I cannot take the full credit for this...25 was a big help as well by pointing out some weak points and accepting "scraps" from W's ah-so 'generous' gesture.

[PigPen]

Thank you as well 25!

I sent this off this afternoon. I know it's not what she wants to hear and up until today I have simply gone along with the entire situation.

We shall see.

Now for a night of GAL'ing with a friend, and then a busy day at work tomorrow. Still finding my energy is incredibly low which is more than frustrating, but hopefully that will pass soon.

Today is also my 185th day of complete sobriety. What a gift, if nothing else comes of this separation but heart ache, I will have that for life.

I hope everyone is dealing with the situations with grace.

PP

[Wonka]

PP,

185 days?! Wow...that's a great milestone. Keep going, buddy.

[PigPen]

Hi Wonka & 25,

I got a reply email. She told me that I didn't address anything in her email and that she's not interested in any kind of joint custody.

It concluded with:

With that being the case there is no need to plan out a two week alternating schedule. So I need to know how you feel about giving him to me. Please give me your thoughts on where you think it would be best for Woof to live and why.

Thoughts? I am not interested in giving him to her. Nor do I really think that any rational argument I make will convince her that it's best for me to have him. I live on an acre property, she's in a condo. He's lived in my town for the last three years, in hers for the last 3 months. That was all overlooked by "if we were to ask him..."

If it needs to come down to a coin toss, that's as far as I'm willing to go. But I don't see either of acquiescing here.

Thoughts?

PP